I'm 38 years old and my mum hates he. When I was 5 my step father started to abuse me this went on for 8 years. Shortly after he was arrested for it my mother told me it was my fault( I know now that this is untrue) as the years passed we have got on less and less and I build up a resilience to her hurtful comments and actions. Her present husband passed away, to me he was the father I didn't have, so natuarlly I was upset.I have been at my mum trying to comfort her in her loss and to get comfort for my loss, but tonight I phoned and asked to speak to her and she said refused to talk to me, she has had the curtosy to talk to everyone that has called about my step dad's death and this has hurt me so much, I am more hurt and upset with her behaviour than I am about missing my dad, I am at the end of my tether and don't know what to do.I have to pretend to be strong as I don't want this to affect my relationship with my children.Please help with any advice

For your mother to balme you for your father abuse towards you speaks about her. She is your mother and he suppose to protect you and should be glad that your stepdad got what he deserve instead of being sad because after all he was in the wrong. This is the problem with a lot of mothers today. They only care about themselve and places a man before their child. I am mother and can't do nor behave like she is acting towards you to my kids.

I don't think your mom is capable of having a mother daughter relationship with you and it soungs like she needs a lot of counseling. You did nothing wrong but tried to build a relationship with your mom even when it was hard for you. I think you need realize things will never be like you want it to be when it comes to her.

If you need help to deal with this then don't be afraid to seek counselling especially if this is coming between you and your own kids. Sorry to hear about your stepdad passing and I wish you well in the journey ahead. Also, maybe writing a letter to your mother expressing your feelings will help you but might not change nothing between the two of you.

Maybe, its just time to step back from the whole situation and all the stress and just see what happens. I agree with liz maybe get some counseling for You. Do what you can for yourself. And you might just have to come to the place in your life where you say enough. I will not let my mother or any other person treat me this way. It must be gut wrentching but You will be better in the end. Show your kids this is wrong and you will not tolerate this. They will have so much more repsect for you, and You will feel a freedom and inner piece with in yourself that will give you so much more confidence with in yourself... my prayer and thoughts are with you...