When I'm apart from my girlfriend I want to break up with her
I am a 23 y/o girl in a relationship with an amazing 21 y/o girl. Everything is going well. This is the first relationship I've been in that's fulfilling and that my friends and family finally LIKE who I am dating (I was in a 3.5 yr relationship with a very controlling, manipulative and physically abusive girl and am your classic trainwreck when it comes to picking men lol)
My problem is I had surgery a couple weeks ago and haven't been able to see much of anyone, including her. She calls/texts/messages me daily to see how I'm doing and all, being very sweet. It hit me in the face a few days after surgery how much I am in love with her, as I missed her horribly (we're usually constantly together).
I was finally well enough to go visit her at her place a few days ago and I felt super awkward the whole time. The whole relationship felt new and sort of overwhelming, which is ridiculous since we've been together for 6 months. She was acting completely normal but I just couldn't connect, and pretty much wanted to leave the entire time.
Since that day I've on and off felt like I want to break up with her, but can tell myself I'm being irrational, as I know I don't, but I keep having these little stupid ideas pop in my head that I should break it off. And its always a feeling of "im not good enough for her." or "i dont want to be loved this intensely."
I do have a very long history of sexual abuse and was raped once in high school by my best friend, so I don't know if that has anything to do with it, like maybe issues with "concrete" emotions or trust or self worth or something, but I didn't think those probs would cross over to lesbian relations...
Ideas, please?