Myhusband walked out 9mos ago.we both have lawyers he wants a divorce but I don't. I refuse to sign separation papers. He is seeing a younger woman who is also married. What will happen if I don't sign any papers when we go to court in march? My lawyer isn't much help to me because I couldn't hire a better one. Will my husband try to come back to me after things with his friend don't work out? I still want my marriage but he is hard to talk to & I don't know what to do. Thank you

Your husband isn't much of a husband, you should move on and give him the divorce. He will never respect you and continue to cheat on you if you take him back without him fighting to come back. Move on with your life.

Seems like you're holding on for dear life to something that has withered and died while you've been clutching it.

Your husband left 9 months ago, he's with another woman, he wants a divorce and, he won't talk to you.

The situation doesn't look too hopeful does it? I'd suggest that the marriage is over and you're holding on to something that is well and truly dead.

Not signing the divorce papers won't bring him back to you, but signing them may bring closure and enable you (and him) to move on with your life.

It's hard, I know, but perhaps it's time to be realistic about the future of this relationship.

Things have worked out with his new girlfriend for 9 months, and probably longer than that. I wouldn't bet the farm on him leaving her at this point.

You not signing papers is not going to stop the legal matters, or bring him home, or make the marriage work.

I agree with Gemini, that getting it over with will enable you to get on with your life, which is likely going to be something you're going to have to face after March anyway.

My Grand Father always told me,
When you are delt a bad hand. Fold!

You are in a horrible place right now but as the other ladies have said holding on to something that is gone is only causing you more pain and not signing will not stop the divorce.

It appears from your post that you think he is going to get over her and come crawling back but the reality is that is doesn't appear that way.

I assume he gave it considerable thought before leaving you and his marriage .From the sounds of it ,it would seem they have most likely been together for at least a year and nothing has changed.

He has shown you in no uncertain terms what his intentions are and I think it is in your best interest to try to accept that

Perhaps therapy would help you to cope during this very emotional time.
Or a support group.
It is awful to lose someone you love,it feels like a death.

I truly sympathize with you but for your own mental and emotional health ,I think you need to start to see this as your future and begin the process of a life without him in it.

Not signing the papers won't accomplish anything! If you don't show up for court on the day of the divorce hearing, the divorce goes through by default. The lawyer can also put a stipulation that the papers need to be signed by a certain date or the divorce is granted by default, also.

He's moving on - NOT coming back to you. Why would you want to stay in a marriage that your husband isn't interested in, anyway? Get on with your life and find someone you'll truely be happy with.

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Divorce is the one human tragedy that reduces everything to cash. Rita Mae Brown

Divorce is the psychological equivalent of a triple coronary bypass. - Mary Kay Blakely

Divorce these days is a religious vow, as if the proper offspring of marriage. - Tertullian

I feel for you. Went through something similar although no "other woman" involved. I found that it wasn't really HIM that I didn't want to lose, but the whole "family" picture thing... still struggle with that issue, but do not miss him or his deceit! It will not be easy, but it will get better.

I know it is so hard to let go. I knew my marriage was close to death right before I agreed to the divorce. My ex-husband told me his feelings and let me sit with it for a few hours. I realized that he was so right. I am still thankful to him nine years later that he helped me to see the light and we are no longer married. Good luck. I hope you find some peace soon.

I think saving your rights is the important thing, not saving a dead marriage. Oh yes its dead all right, just ask his new honey.

You can't make him love you and remember; "what goes round comes round."

Why would you want someone who doesn't want you and who has treated you so bad.

Sorry I understand her 100%. We have been married 34 years. He has had this whore on the side for years, I was clueless. While I had a heart issue and had to get a stent he moved in with her, a year ago, no concern for my health issues. He says he will keep paying for the house till we sell and then where can I afford to live? NO WHERE! He came back to me in the fall and we were together for 7 months, swearing he could never do that to me again, said he loved me. Well he left again a month ago. I am 53, have been with him since 16, the ONLY guy ever with. I have a heart condition, a bad back, cannot work. I CANNOT AFFORD to fore go health insurance, we have lots of debt, and not enough income. We live check to check, and he had to get money from his whore, a two time divorcée to get a legal separation drawn up. If his whore wasn't in the picture he admitted he would never have left here. SO I am trying to protect my future, that I stay on his health plan and that means no divorce. To top it off he has an incurable Lymphoma cancer and probably only has 2-3 years according to prognosis. SO why should he cause all this pain and make me go through all this now? He cheated on me, he stole my future, he lives with her, be happy there and we end our lives peacefully. BUT MARRIED for LIFE! As many years as we are alive anyway. I love him with all my heart, he walked away from me for her. Why should I give him what he wants? I will do what is best for my future, and that means no divorce. I have all the grounds, he has none. He went to a lawyer for a legal separation and he thought I would just sign it. No way. I am borrowing money from family and will make him stick it out, as he will not get what he wants as a reward for adultery! He can screw her all he wants, he is not screwing me, with all we have gone through all our years together!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by NoWayNoDivorce

Sorry I understand her 100%. We have been married 34 years. He has had this whore on the side for years, I was clueless. While I had a heart issue and had to get a stent he moved in with her, a year ago, no concern for my health issues. He says he will keep paying for the house till we sell and then where can I afford to live? NO WHERE! He came back to me in the fall and we were together for 7 months, swearing he could never do that to me again, said he loved me. Well he left again a month ago. I am 53, have been with him since 16, the ONLY guy ever with. I have a heart condition, a bad back, cannot work. I CANNOT AFFORD to fore go health insurance, we have lots of debt, and not enough income. We live check to check, and he had to get money from his whore, a two time divorcee to get a legal separation drawn up. If his whore wasn't in the picture he admitted he would never have left here. SO I am trying to protect my future, that I stay on his health plan and that means no divorce. To top it off he has an incurable Lymphoma cancer and probably only has 2-3 years according to prognosis. SO why should he cause all this pain and make me go through all this now? He cheated on me, he stole my future, he lives with her, be happy there and we end our lives peacefully. BUT MARRIED for LIFE! As many years as we are alive anyway. I love him with all my heart, he walked away from me for her. Why should I give him what he wants? I will do what is best for my future, and that means no divorce. I have all the grounds, he has none. He went to a lawyer for a legal separation and he thought I would just sign it. No way. I am borrowing money from family and will make him stick it out, as he will not get what he wants as a reward for adultery! He can screw her all he wants, he is not screwing me, with all we have gone through all our years together!

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Sorry you're hurting so much and are so angry... I would be as well. If he has an incurable disease I think that is a horrible way to die. He was wrong for cheating and hurting you. You can't make him love you. I think your anger is warranted and I think you are so badly hurt.. you 're
Thinking of what you can do to "get back at him". Think about it. He's suffering now.. nothing you can do to him is any worse than knowing he's dying.

Just remember... after he's gone.. what are the memories you want to have? If it's financial worry... let a lawyer get what you deserve. I hope I've helped.. sure don't want to hurt you by anything I may say... Blessings.. Kit:)