Ask Me Help Desk - I believe my grand daughter has klepomania what can I do

My grand daughter (17)was taken into care at age 5 with her 3 year old sister. I met them for the first time when they were with their foster parents. As the older child she suffered mental and physical abuse from her mum. After living 10 years with foster parents she made a false accusation about their son who was in his 20's and she and her sister were removed from that foster home. She is now with other foster parents with her sister, after much uncertainty. She has now admitted she was wrong to make accusations and didn't realize they would be taken away from the family that had lived with for so long. Two years ago my daughter discovered that all her dvd's had been taken out of their cases and only the empty boxes remained. We had a suspicion it could have been my grand daughter but no proof. This xmas they came to stay with me and she got hold of my bank card and has run up a £300 bill on I tunes. She has finally admitted it, as it was so obvious and I threatened her with police action. She says she doesn't know why she does it. She has already robbed another foster child in the house where she lives, buying I tunes with the foster child's bank card. What can I do to help her? She has suffered much emotional stress in her young life. Thanks

I would suggest that the best thing you can do is get her to a behavioral counselor. Stealing a couple of things is not necessarily kleptomania which is characterized by compulsive, frequent stealing.

However, it sounds as if your granddaughter may have multiple issues which need to be dealt with by a professional.

You might also think about helping her get a casual job so that she's earning some money, which may make her less inclined to steal.

To Gemini54.. thanks for your suggestions. I would like to say that the problem is not a shortage of money. She already has a job. She told me that she doesn't know why she does it and said that she would be willing to get some sort of help.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jomary

To Gemini54 .. thanks for your suggestions. I would like to say that the problem is not a shortage of money. She already has a job. She told me that she doesn't know why she does it and said that she would be willing to get some sort of help.

That's the best possible way to help her then- she's asking for help, get it for her!

How could she use your bank card without a PIN. Is this your daughter's daughter? Is her mother in life now? You mention that your daughter had her CD's stolen.

At her age, 17 year olds are a handful. Without a background of abuse, they will lie, cheat, steal, etc. call the authorities without cause, etc. Because she came from an abusive background is not a prerequisite to being a liar and thief.

Was there an investigation into the abuse allegation in the first foster home? If there was, and it was unfounded, why were they not returned there. When you say she admitted it was wrong to make accusations, and she didn't realize they would be taken away, that is not admitting that the abuse did not take place.

I'm just not convinced that this girl is the cause of everything. If she's responsible enough to be working and willing to go to counselling, I would hope that if there was abuse in the foster home, she will be helped to get through that. That alone could play a large part in the bad behaviour that followed.

If the mother is willing to attend counselling, that would probably help as well. The more stable adults she has in her life that she can turn to and trust, the better.

In many of the cases of klepomania the person is not even aware they stole the item, and often does not beleive they did, but can't explain why they have the items.

They are not planed ( as in taking a bank card) but are merley picking up items as they pass.

** again not taking CD out of cases and esp all of the, theywould have picked up one complete CD and case and walked off with it.

It does sound as if she has issues and problems and does need couseling.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jake2008

How could she use your bank card without a pin number. Is this your daughter's daughter? Is her mother in life now? You mention that your daughter had her CD's stolen.

At her age, 17 year olds are a handful. Without a background of abuse, they will lie, cheat, steal, etc., call the authorities without cause, etc. Because she came from an abusive background is not a prerequisite to being a liar and thief.

Was there an investigation into the abuse allegation in the first foster home? If there was, and it was unfounded, why were they not returned there. When you say she admitted it was wrong to make accusations, and she didn't realize they would be taken away, that is not admitting that the abuse did not take place.

I'm just not convinced that this girl is the cause of everything. If she's responsible enough to be working and willing to go to counselling, I would hope that if there was abuse in the foster home, she will be helped to get through that. That alone could play a large part in the bad behaviour that followed.

If the mother is willing to attend counselling, that would probably help as well. The more stable adults she has in her life that she can turn to and trust, the better.

She did not need my PIN as she found my bank card in my drawer and bought the I tunes using the16 digit number. The case of the foster parents happened 3 year ago and it didn't go to court because my grand daughters statement had too many contradictions in it. She later told my daughter (her aunt) that she regretted making it up and did not realize she would be taken away from the family. After her accusations, obviously her foster parents were very upset, the whole case took months and months to sort out and the father who is in his 60s had already had a heart attack. There was no way that trust could be restored and it did a lot of emotional damage to all concerned especially her younger sister who was taken away from the family she loved. The foster parents decided to retire and go to Portugal where they had a house.
What I really want to know (if anyone out there can help) is what causes Kleptomania and could this be her condition?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jomary

She did not need my pin number as she found my bank card in my drawer and bought the I tunes using the16 digit number. The case of the foster parents happened 3 year ago and it didn't go to court because my grand daughters statement had too many contradictions in it. She later told my daughter (her aunt) that she regretted making it up and did not realize she would be taken away from the family. After her accusations, obviously her foster parents were very upset, the whole case took months and months to sort out and the father who is in his 60s had already had a heart attack. There was no way that trust could be restored and it did a lot of emotional damage to all concerned especially her younger sister who was taken away from the family she loved. The foster parents decided to retire and go to Portugal where they had a house.
What I really want to know (if anyone out there can help) is what causes Kleptomania and could this be her condition?

I don't think she has this disorder. It sounds as if she just wants to steal things. This extract is from the internet:

People with this disorder have an overwhelming urge to steal and get a thrill from doing so. The recurrent act of stealing may be restricted to specific objects and settings, but the affected person may or may not describe these special preferences. People with this disorder usually exhibit guilt after the theft.

Five diagnostic criteria for kleptomania:

• Repeated theft of objects that are unnecessary for either personal use or monetary value.
• Increasing tension immediately before the theft.
• Pleasure or relief upon committing the theft.
• The theft is not motivated by anger or vengeance, and is not caused by a delusion or hallucination.
• The behavior is not better accounted for by a conduct disorder , manic episode , or antisocial personality disorder.

From: Kleptomania - causes, DSM, therapy, person, people, used, personality, theory, health, mood, Definition, Description, Causes and symptoms, Demographics, Diagnosis, Treatments, Prognosis, Prevention