Ask Me Help Desk - Marry fianc? While he is in county & there is a no contact court order,is it posible?

Yes there is a no contact order and yes it was because of a DV on me, but we have a child in comman and I'm wondering if I marry him while he is in the county jail if this will stop the DA to supenona me to testify against him (he has not been convicted yet) since at that point I will be his spouse. He is bi-polar and I want to help him get medical help and also be there for his child. I love him so very much and we were engaged for months before he went to jail and were going to get married before he went to jail.

He is in jail because of a domestic violence assault against you (I presume).

That is a sick and twisted plan you have in my opinion. Because you are not married while he's in jail, you will be supoenaed. But, if you cleverly marry him while he's in jail, you don't have to testify against your husband.

I don't know what makes you think marrying him will change him, and I don't know why you think that marrying him will be in your best interest, or your child's best interest.

He will be convicted, and likely do jail time by the sounds of it. Have your bruises healed? Any broken bones yet?

I would say the trump card for common sense here is that there is an order of no contact, so you can't get near him anyway.

Good thing people are protecting you from yourself.

Stop and think. Use your brain.

Is this his first offense of any type? Is this his first DV offense?

He is bi-polar. Was he on medication at the time of the incident? Had he stopped taking his medicine? If so, was it for the common reason of, 'I don't need it. I am better'?

To get the help he needs, he needs to go through the court system and get a good hard lesson in what happens if/when he goes off his medication. If he doesn't, he will keep repeating the pattern and your child might be the next victim of his 'lapse'.

I have an aunt who is bi-polar and goes off her medications. She was diagnosed later in life and was put on medications that helped. She thought she was 'okay'/'better' and stopped taking them. She abused her mother, my 90 year old grandmother (who defended her and tried to help her), physically, mentally and emotionally, and destroyed my grandmother's house. She was hospitalized. Got back on medication. Got out. Went off her medicine again and has disappeared. At one point, she was even jailed for elderly abuse. She has been given ALL the help that anyone can give another person. The problem is that even on her medication she is a loaded gun quite literally because we never know when she will go off.

I sincerely hope that your situation turns out better. My point is that he needs this as a reminder to keep looking back on as to why he should stay with any program/prescription that he is put on.

First of all I was asking if it was legally possible, not asking for you opinion. Twisted plan or not, I hate the government and think there are more corupt than society. I do not want or never asked for the no contact order... Its a complicating case, however I see your point, but I have my reason to help him. I think it's the approach of assistance vs allowing the DV to continue to happen. No broken anything or bruises. So if you don't have the legal answer, thank you anyway.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jake2008

He is in jail because of a domestic violence assault against you (I presume).

That is a sick and twisted plan you have in my opinion. Because you are not married while he's in jail, you will be supoenaed. But, if you cleverly marry him while he's in jail, you don't have to testify against your husband.

I don't know what makes you think marrying him will change him, and I don't know why you think that marrying him will be in your best interest, or your child's best interest.

He will be convicted, and likely do jail time by the sounds of it. Have your bruises healed? Any broken bones yet?

I would say the trump card for common sense here is that there is an order of no contact, so you can't get near him anyway.

Good thing people are protecting you from yourself.

Again, I need the legal answer and not your opinions. Thank you.

So because someone has a mental condition we are to just push them away instead of helping them, especially if they are one of your loved ones. The court system is not always helpful, they make rulings on people with disabilities without providing the help they need. I did not say I was going to allow the DV to continue, just want to help him get the help he needs.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cat1864

Stop and think. Use your brain.

Is this his first offense of any type? Is this his first DV offense?

He is bi-polar. Was he on medication at the time of the incident? Had he stopped taking his medicine? If so, was it for the common reason of, 'I don't need it. I am better'?

To get the help he needs, he needs to go through the court system and get a good hard lesson in what happens if/when he goes off his medication. If he doesn't, he will keep repeating the pattern and your child might be the next victim of his 'lapse'.

I have an aunt who is bi-polar and goes off her medications. She was diagnosed later in life and was put on medications that helped. She thought she was 'okay'/'better' and stopped taking them. She abused her mother, my 90 year old grandmother (who defended her and tried to help her), physically, mentally and emotionally, and destroyed my grandmother's house. She was hospitalized. Got back on medication. Got out. Went off her medicine again and has disappeared. At one point, she was even jailed for elderly abuse. She has been given ALL the help that anyone can give another person. The problem is that even on her medication she is a loaded gun quite literally because we never know when she will go off.

I sincerely hope that your situation turns out better. My point is that he needs this as a reminder to keep looking back on as to why he should stay with any program/prescription that he is put on.

You have posted under the topic of 'Marriage', you did not post your question under the 'Legal' headings.

None of us are qualified to answer legal questions that are volunteering here, in the marriage threads.

That is why you got the answers you did.

Quote:

Originally Posted by florea

Again, I need the legal answer and not your opinions. Thank you.

So because someone has a mental condition we are to just push them away instead of helping them, especially if they are one of your loved ones. The court system is not always helpful, they make rulings on people with disabilities without providing the help they need. I did not say I was going to allow the DV to continue, just want to help him get the help he needs.

Florea, we didn't push my aunt away. SHE ran away from medication and everyone who really wanted to help her. My father has been involved in law enforcement and mental health for decades. He used ALL the ways he could to get her help. The problem is that every time she 'got better' or in her own mind thought she was better she went off her meds and stopped helping herself.

My Grandmother, the person she abused, kept wanting to help her. Didn't want to see her behind bars. Kept denying that anything happened that the police were wrong in arresting her. Never asked for an order of protection. Broke it herself by contacting my aunt. In the end we had to attempt to protect my grandmother from herself and my aunt.

I do not talk about my aunt very much. I am telling you about her because I don't want you and your child to take my grandmother's role in the story. I want you to think about the full consequences of what you want to do.

I hope that he is young enough (my aunt was in her 50's and had a lifetime of self-medicating behind her when she was diagnosed) that going through the court system is a wake up call that he won't forget when he seems to be getting better.