One sided Cybercrush makes me want plastic surgery!

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Hey Everybody

Forst time on AMHD, I have been reading lots of post hopefully to find one similar to mines,so thought I should write one myself. I am in almost in my late 30's,consider myself attractive,though I am single. However I have this problem which is this strong emotional attachment to this guy I met online.
He's lives in Monaco,l and I am in the U.S. we met at a forum chat site,similar to this one,he just came out of a relationship,so have I so we heavily leaned towards each other. He wanted me to visit,in which I would have loved to but due to financial problems I couldn't. So we chat/webcamed,talked,basically he called me three times daily.
Things have come to a holt because then he stopped calling.emailing much,then he finally told me that this long distance thing wasn't going to work at all. He did tell me that before but then kept on with the contact.
Fast forward,Now he has a girlfriend that he has been living with,and I just can't seem to move on. Problem is she's from Spain,a spanish student,and he thinks spanish women are beautiful,that sall he talks about. Spanish actresses,models,etc,and he wasn't like this before he met this woman. I am not spanish at all,so how can I compete with this.So I decide to one day take out a loan and get plastic surgery. All he wants me for is friendship,and someone to vent to.except for the occasional flirty text or call. But I really want a lot more,when I even hint this to him he gets angry and shoots me down as if I'm not and neve will be good enough for him.
Did I miss my chance in visiting him,or was it because I wasn't pretty enough for him? Will plastic surgery,nose breast,I am half black and Jewish,will this finally get him to notice? Because one day I do plan to visit Monaco and I want at least a chance since we've never been together. I hate feeling like this its been more than a year now,sorry for long posts,not even my therapists can help this lingering feling of discontent.

He's got a girlfriend. He's off limits.

Forget the plastic surgery,change your therapist if you are not getting the help you need from your present one.
And when next you get involved with someone try to find somebody local.


If

I think that you have, after a year, probably exhausted possibilities of change, even with the help from your therapist.

Your thiking that somehow you can win a man back, that you have never had, or even met in person, will happen because you are going to spend thousands of dollars on plastic surgery, to turn into what HE thinks is a beautiful woman?

That you are considering visiting him is very, very odd as well. I don't know why you are thinking the way you are, but you are wasting your time and money on a man who already has a girlfriend.

Please get another therapist as amicon said. You need to start again to figure out why you need to hang onto a dream, and keep your life stuck in this place.

I suspect that anyone here telling you to leave him alone won't be enough.

First of all, the guy sounds really shallow lady. You know what I'm attracted to? All sorts of stuff. You know what my favorite part of a woman is? Depends on the woman. etc. etc. etc...

You know what I'm not attracted to? People who are trying to be like other people.

3 girlfriends ago... I fell in love with a girl I hardly noticed for almost a year. She actually broke my heart too. Didn't turn my head once in a whole year though. If you derail yourself for a stranger from another country, who isn't interested; you will be in for one helluva disappointment. Just saying...

No, it won't matter what you do. He has a girlfriend and lives miles upon miles away, off limits

Wow... this question has a number of red flags.

1. No. Plastic surgery will not win his love.

2. He is in a relationship; he is not available. My first rule of relationships: If a man/woman is in a relationship/dating/engaged/married, he/she is not available. Period.

3. You need to work on accepting who you are as an individual before you can be ready to be in a relationship with anyone else. I suggest finding out what makes you YOU. Write down the things that you give to society, that make you happy, that inspire you, and that help you better yourself.

So, in short. This guy is unavailable. Don't get plastic surgery for a guy.

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Originally Posted by inertia

First of all, the guy sounds really shallow lady. You know what I'm attracted to? All sorts of stuff. You know what my favorite part of a woman is? Depends on the woman. etc. etc. etc...

You know what I'm not attracted to? People who are trying to be like other people.

3 girlfriends ago... I fell in love with a girl I hardly noticed for almost a year. She actually broke my heart too. Didn't turn my head once in a whole year though. If you derail yourself for a stranger from another country, who isn't interested; you will be in for one helluva disappointment. Just sayin...

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You all are right but I think for once I'm not the only one to blame,he is shallow,that's the thing that's been bugging me,plus having a girlfriend never stopeed this guy from flirting and talking about getting hooked up with other women.

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Originally Posted by Nightmoon1212

...plus having a girlfriend never stopeed this guy from flirting and talking about getting hooked up with other women.

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How do you know this?

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Originally Posted by NeedKarma

How do you know this?

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Because we still communicate,in which he told me himself

How about cutting off all communication?

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Originally Posted by NeedKarma

How about cutting off all communication?

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Part of me would like to again since I did it before when we had a fall aout,but I didn't stick with it in way I regret that.

There's no time like the present. Time to remove his contact info.
Then start some new fun pastime in your local area. Good luck!

Now that you know it's not all you... do the right thing. Forget this guy.

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Originally Posted by inertia

Now that you know it's not all you... do the right thing. Forget this guy.

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I'll try,even though its not easy but realize that is the best thing to do, I apreciate all of your responses!