I recently (last few days) have been thinking a lot about a girl (woman now) I use to work with. We never dated and I have no idea if she liked me or was even interested. I highly doubt she was.

I did ask her out to dinner, she accepted, but later declined for no reason. I found out weeks later she went out with another co-worker. She had a boyfriend at the time that wasn't very nice to her. I think she went on to marry him and have children.

That was 17 years ago. I have thought about her once or twice and have had a few dreams where she was there. I now live 2000 miles from my home town. I say home town because I am military. I am happily married (13 years now) and have three great kids. My life is right where I want it. I am happy.

The last few days have been weird. I think about her all the time. I try to take my mind off her by staying busy and thinking about what how good my life is right now. Still thoughts of her come back. I keep telling myself that it was not meant to be. If she really was interested, she would have looked me up a long time ago.

I think what I loved about her the most was her eyes and long black hair. I got lost in her eyes from day one and fell hard. Her smile was beautiful and genuine. I am sure she is just as pretty today as she was then.

Am I going out of my mind, or is it possible she is thinking about me? May a echo from the past?

Even if she was, I would not throw away what I have. I know that for certain.

Thanks

R

You need closure. Garth Brooks sings a song called "Unanswered Prayers". Sounds just like your story. There is no rhyme or reason as to why you are now thinking of her other than the human need to close an unresolved gap. If you are happy with your life now, then let that be your forefront of your mind. If it drives you insane, look he up, call her, not to rekindle, but find out how things are going with her. No reason why you can't keep a platonic friendship.

I do believe that it is possible that this person is thinking about you and that you are picking up on. Like you said it does not really matter because your happily married and have children. I would not let this focus distract you to the point of trying to get something you can not have. You need to not borrow trouble. You need to learn how to focus on your family, your children, your job. Keep busy and look at and remind yourself the reasons you love your wife, what attracted you to her. Do not look up this other person, your just borrowing trouble if you do.

Joe

It's normal to have thoughts about the past. Just don't obsess about them or act on them. This person's probably forgotten all about you by now as it was 17 years ago. The memory will always be there but keep it just that ; a memory and that's it.

I have thought about this since I posted it. I am keeping it to a memory of long ago. My heart says one thing but logic will prevail. It has to for my family's sake. It's isn't fair to the woman in my life now to obsess about a feeling of long ago.

I said a prayer last night that if she is in dire straights or is thinking of me she will draw the same conclusions. It was a long time ago. I drew up a list in my head to support keeping it a memory.

She may be thinking along the lines of "what if". I don't know. I don't know what triggered the thoughts. It may have seen something that reminded me of a quality in her.

I am a different person today than I was 17 years ago. In my heart, she is still there as she was long ago. She may not even be that same person now.

I believe in time, her memory will fade. I don't want to worry her with someone she may not remember appearing in her life. That would freak me out!

Maybe this posting will help someone else out there that may feel this way.

R

Good conclusion man. I wish you well!

Thank you :)

What your going through is pretty normal, as clear out the blue long buried memories get pushed to the surface. Don't change your life for it though, because it will fade in time and be replaced by another thought from the past and you will be equally baffled.

Actually I hope not this intense. I have not had too many things in my life that were left unanswered.

I think a prior post hit it on the nail head.

My mind/heart needs closure. The closure will come with time. The longer the time, the more distant the memory will become.

I have already headed down that path by asking for help by praying.

There are a lot of good people who have given me advice in here.

To all... thank you.

R

Hi there,

It is time to let go of the past. While I think there is certainly no problem with retaining a distant memory of something in your past 17 years ago, it would only be a problem if it became obsessive. It does not sound to me as if the thoughts that you have are in any way obsessive, you may be just replaying the good memories of your past. This in no way suggests that your are unhappy with your present situation. As you point out, you are at a very happy point in your life. I think memories are good to retain and I don't think you can truly lose them.

I hope that my memories of love and affection become part of my life history and I will look back on them and smile, just as you do. Time is a wonderful and also powerful thing that can do so much to and for a person.

No I certainly will not lose the memory of her. That I am sure of.

I will never obsesse over this. The world is full of weird people, I care not to be viewed as one of those :)

I have much to lose. Family, military career etc.

I have others that were in my life I miss too.

Some are gone forever. I will see them again one day. :o

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Rocket2000

I will never obsesse over this. The world is full of weird people, I care not to be viewed as one of those :)

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Certainly not... You just sound like a thoughtful person recollecting the good memories of his life.

I mentioned it to a friend of mine and he said "maybe because of the war, she is wondering about how you are doing".

I saw her once after I joined. I had a friend in high school look me up for that very reason. To see where I was at and how I was doing.

I however don't believe you can tell when someone is thinking about you so I am sceptical of what he said.

Besides, the war has been going on for years now. Why all of a sudden now?



R

Don't worry about why. Just worry about everything here you say is your priority.

You say you have only felt these feeling in the past week or two. They haven't been constant for 17 years?

Well I would think that as long as you don't act on your thoughts and as long as you stay devoted to your family then these feelings will probably go as quickly as they came.

However if you have had these feelings for 17 years then something is drastically wrong and I would suggest some therapy.

But from what you say it is only recently so they are just normal human feelings.

But don't try and read too much into them or you may get yourself in to trouble!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Skell

Dont worry about why. Just worry about everything here you say is your priority.

You say you have only felt these feeling in the past week or two. They haven't been constant for 17 years?

well i would think that as long as you dont act on your thoughts and as long as you stay devoted to your family then these feelings will probably go as quickly as they came.

however if you have had these feelings for 17 years then something is drastically wrong and i would suggest some therapy.

But from what you say it is only recently so they are just normal human feelings.

but dont try and read too much into them or you may get yourself in to trouble!

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No, only a few times. Not constant for the 17 years. I agree theraphy would be needed if that was the case. I have had a lot of time to think about it since my first post.

The past is the past. It is what it is.

R