So I've been with my boyfriend almost 1.5 years. I love him. I care about him. I want to marry him someday and have his children. He's my first boyfriend and first everything else. I'm 21 and feel like maybe I need to date a little bit more, especially during this time we can't be "together" anyway.

In the past few weeks things have changed drastically in my life. I've started a great new job, moved into my own place, and have become a responsible independent person, finally.

We have been long distance for 7 months now. I'm getting really tired of it. I'm living my life as a single person, but not able to date and have fun. I want to be happy with my love life every day, not every 3-4 weeks when we get to see each other.

My BF just got done with school and I was anticipating he would move here to be with me. Instead, he's staying there (6 hours away) and looking for a job. Which is cool, but maybe we should take a break and be able to see other people while we continue to be 6 hours apart? I know there's a chance we won't get back together then, but I really want to get back with him eventually.

My BF is a great guy: romantic, caring, funny, strong. Things are heaven when we're together. When we're apart, I struggle big time.

So I know that I'm probably being a selfish whore, by wanting to see other people for a period until I can be 100% fully with the man I love.

Can anyone give me any insight or advice? :confused:

Well, Longdistans relationships are hard and in the big scheme of things you have been a part for a big chunk of your relationship.. if you've been together for 1,5 yrs.. its almost half of it.

And you are still young so I can def. sympathies with you wanting to see other people.

What I think you need to consider is if you are willing to loose him? Cause if you ask for a break, so that you can see other people and live the single life to the fullest... this is a VERY likely outcome.

A break... doesn't translate as a break to a lot of people (I say most, because I can't speak for everyone... but this is my personal view) A break is for some people a prelude to a final break up. I know that if someone asked me for a break (and I know a lot of my friends feel the same way) I would see that as a way to ease me into a break-up.

Also, I don't think you should go into a break by saying... we'll be back together when we are closer together geographically. You might actually start dateing someone else that you really really like and you might get into a relationship with that person and your current parter will be aout of the picture.

Besides, you're still young. Who knows where life will take you!

I also want to say that you should do what feels right for you. If you want a break/break-up and that will make you happy... well...

I hope this was a little bit helpful at least and that someone else will chime in with their 2 cents. Best of luck!

I am in a LDR as well and all I can say is that we have never had this issue. Not saying that it isn't normal and we haven't spoken about how hard it is not to be around one another, we just knew where we were heading with this. I think you need to know when in the near future are you guys going to live together and be with one another, are you going to come live with him or is he?
Once you know when that time is it helps. In my case we are having problems due to religion, which sucks because its more complicated, knowing you both want something but both can't have it, absolutely horrible.

It sounds as if you grew up and your feelings are changing.
Going for a break in my book means wanting to break up but not completely wanting to let go until you're really sure that life apart is the best option.

I definitely think you need time on your own to be single.

While I understand your need to be single, and enjoy single life, you can't have your cake and eat it too.

It is unfair to keep your current boyfriend waiting, while you date others. I doubt he would feel comfortable about you taking that route, and still wanting to be with him eventually. You know that if you date others there is a very good chance something serious will come along, and then what.

If you want to be happy with your love life every day, as you said, instead of the way it is now, then at this moment in time, you should probably be single.

Also as you said, you are taking a chance that you may not get back together with your boyfriend, and that is a risk you have to take if you want to do the single things you want to do.

With your boyfriend making a choice not to join you when you finished school, and instead decided to stay where he was- perhaps he is thinking the same as you.

Just be honest with your intentions, and whatever you decide to do, be honest with yourself.

So basically, you want to explore possibilities with other guys, to see if there's some potential and gain some experience... all the while, keeping your boyfriend as a backup plan, just in case you can't find something better?

Does any of that sound fair to your current boyfriend? How would you feel if he said the same thing to you? I guess if you're both willing to do the same thing, date around and then try to find each other again in a few years, it might be possible. But be warned that you would be setting each other up for a possible disappointment and heartbreak.

You can't have your cake and eat it too. What you should really do is decide whether you are fully committed to him or you want to cut loose and go your separate ways.

I don't really want to explore other possibilities. I don't want another boyfriend. I don't want anything serious. If I"m being honest, I just want someone to mess around with, cuddle with, flirt with, and get my sexual needs met while my boyfriend can't. I know that's awful. But that's my truth right now. I know that's really immature and slutty. And I know it most likely means I"m young and stupid and don't know what real love is. But do I tap in to my super mature/sad/depressed alter ego and stick it out for my boyfriend until we can be together? Or do I have fun for a bit and be on break and mess around until we can be together?

And the sick thing is yeah, I basically want to have my cake and eat it too.

Crap.

Eh yes, c**p!
If you want to'mess around' have the decency to break up with your boyfriend.

I honestly think you need to break up with your boyfriend. This isn't fair to him. You want to be single and fancy free, and believe me there is nothing wrong with that. Your young and your growing up, and want to see what's out there. You shouldn't be pinned down to one person, especially when you want to date other people. You need to talk to him. I think for now, you both need to go your own ways. You can't love someone truly and then want to cheat behind there back. That's totally wrong.

Sully, I have to say I really admire your honesty. You know what you want. The trouble is, love doesn't work that way, relationships don't work that way, and maintaining one relationship, while having lovers on the side, isn't the right thing to do. It will only cause grief and heartbreak.

Relationships fail for many, many reasons. Infidelity is one, growing apart, different goals and directions, falling out of love. When a relationship fails to meet the needs of both parties, then you have to take a serious look at what you want to do.

If you want to be free to have your sexual needs met, mess around and flirt with, then by all means do so.

But, to do that while maintaining a relationship with your boyfriend, or doing that only during the times your boyfriend isn't around, is not going to solve the problem.

The problem being, your needs are no longer met in the relationship. To move in a completely different direction, and suddenly become 'the girlfriend' again when he is around, is using him, and that is terribly unfair.

If however, your boyfriend agrees that it is okay with him that BOTH of you mess around to have your sexual needs met while you are apart, that is a totally different story!

But, generally speaking, when one or the other partner cheats, even once, the relationship likely won't last, especially under these circumstances.

Maybe too, the lack of intimacy and sex that you want, is only part of a larger picture here. I think that if you were in a committed relationship, there were no other apparent problems, and you couldn't imagine yourself with anybody else, this need of yours wouldn't be there in the first place.

Think about your relationship, and make a decision whether you want to stay in it. If you do, work hard to keep it healthy and honest. If you feel you still cannot remain faithful and have your needs met, then it is time to move on.

I suspect that the "messing around" has already happened and there are other issues at play here - https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/person...on-439361.html

Not sure OP is being entirely honest.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I suspect that the "messing around" has already happened and there are other issues at play here - https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/person...on-439361.html

Not sure OP is being entirely honest.

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What the heck. I'm confused as to how I'm not being entirely honest?

I said in my other post that yes, me and my boyfriend took a break, and yes, I messed around. But only while on the break.
Please tell me how I'm not being honest in my posts here.