Hey everyone, my ex and I dated for about a year. We met in college and were best friends before we started dating. Both of us are sophomores, and we both hang out with the same people. 2 months ago she broke up with me, and since then I have been trying to move on, and have found large amounts of success. We have remained friends since the break up, which has allowed things to be easier after everything happened. I'm sure most of you on here would disagree with that decision, but hey it worked. At least I thought it did. Anyway, I had a party at my apartment last night, and I invited the ex to come and have some fun. She came, and apparently I was flirting with 2 girls, right in front of her. Well all I was doing was talking to them, really nothing flirty... BUT are you kidding me? She is mad over that? I thought high school was over! So she left the party furious at me, and later texted me saying she never wants to talk to me again. Now this really bugged me, because I really do have a special place in my heart for her, and her friendship means so so much to me. It pisses me off that she has the nerve to say stuff like this, after she is the one who broke my heart. It just isn't fair.

I guess I just need some advice, and other opinions on the situation. There is nothing more I want to do than be friends with her, but was I really at fault here?

You tried the "let's be friends" thing and it didn't work... unfortunately, in my opinion, the only option is to say, "you know? we tried the friends thing, but it didn't work. Let's agree to just be acquaintances."

Some breakups you can remain friends. I've never been involved in one (most of my exes are exes for a reason!), but it can happen. You tried with this girl. It seems that it's just too close, too much.

Of course, you can still try to be her friend and continue to deal with the drama that she'll bring to the friendship.

Sounds like you're doing your own thing, trying to move on, doing your best, and she just can't stand that you're happy. Some girls need the "assurance" that the guy can't be happy unless they have them. That's just not the case.

Who knows? "Just talking" can encompass so much. Is there any possibility that at some level you wanted to make her jealous? To show her that you've moved on despite being dumped? That's on one side.

On the other, if you two are "just friends," then she has no say in who you flirt with or when. So technically you are faultless. But love and friendship aren't about technicalities.

I think she still has feelings for you, as this is an overreaction (in fact any response would be), and I suspect you of having triggered those feelings in some way. This is all wild surmise, but I'm betting you were both at fault.

Apparently, being friends with an ex is complicated. That's what most people find.

My advice is that if you want to be friends, apologize (even though you are not technically at fault) and then give her a few weeks to cool off; limit time together, so you can both move on; and, later when this is behind you, make a pact not to flirt with others in front of each other. (That's if you want to be friends.) At some point, you will have both moved on and you won't need that pact anymore.

Thanks for the responses!

asking: Honestly I had no intention of making her jealous. I just wanted to have fun.

What really bugs me is fighting with her. I can't stand fighting with anyone. I never want anyone to be mad at me, it always gets me.

In life, someone will always be mad at you if you do and say what you want. As a friend of mine says, "if you stick your head up, someone will shoot at you." Fortunately, having people object to things you've said and done is not lethal.

Good luck!

Quick update. She texted me this morning saying she never wants to see me again blah blah blah. I just sent a text saying that there's is nothing more I want than to be friends with you, and I want to try 110%. I also said how if we need to set ground rules for being friends I would be willing to.

I just don't see why she is being so childish. Me and my friends diagnosed her with the "dumb girl syndrome" If she didn't want to see me hitting on other girls, why would she break up with me in the first place and put herself in that situation?

She said she needs time to cool down, which is totally fine by me. Just I don't want to lose her as a friend totally, that would suck.

Ugh. WHY JEALOUS EX GF WHY!!

"Dumb girl syndrome" is not a very respectful (or 110%) way to talk about someone you say you want to be friends with. Are you sure you want to be friends with her? Unclear why you do, plus you are dissing her to people I assume know her personally.

Lots of exes, both boys and girls, are jealous. It's pretty common.

Well the comment was a joke from my friends to cheer me up. And yes I'm very sure I want to be friends with her.

I would suggest that she's not entirely over the break up. Clearly your actions has hit a sensitive nerve. If you were really "just friends" then you can talk to whoever you want without her being so emotional.

This is a case where you're further along in the recovery process, so you're ready for the "friends" part, but she's still a little bit behind, even though she tried the "friends" thing. Friends don't need to set ground rules. Ground rules are for relationships.

I suggest that you keep some distance from one another until all the emotional dust has settled. Maybe one day you can be friends, but only after you've completely recovered from the break up.

Thanks for the awesome post I wish.

I plan on letting the dust settle. But she keeps trying to guilt me as if I was completely at fault with the way I acted. That is crazy right?

Emotions run very high after a break up and especially in your case. She's the only one who knows what she's thinking.

So instead of worrying about things that you can't control (i.e. her thoughts), just worry about the things that you can actually control, like your own thoughts.

She's going to have to find her own way of coping with this break up. You've already attempted a friendship and it didn't turn out so well. For now, as you have realized, it's better to leave each other alone, no need to make things worse.

Once again, another awesome post. Your words could move mountains for me. I am actually doing SOO much better than when I originally posted. I started NC and even though its only been 1 day (I know give me a break), I'm feeling awesome about everything.

You did nothing wrong. You said you had no intentions of making her jealous. That's only normal for an ex-girlfriend, she proably thinks she still owns you. She's the one that broke up with you. If you aren't able to be friends, well then, you have to move on. It's actually hard to be friends, its all still new. You have to let the dust settle. Don't put her a priority, you have your own life to live, and enjoy it.

I think no contact is best.

My previous advice was IF you wanted to try to maintain the friendship. But either way, a protracted cool off period is necessary. Don't message her now.