Long story short. I was working at a job that was very demanding when I was 18. Wasn't looking for a relationship. A girl came along and she liked me. I started to like her. We were together all day at work. Then I started to hang out with her after work. We eventually started dating (after 1 month). She was very clingy but I liked her a lot so I didn't say anything. I was living with roommates and she just moved back to the city from her previous job. We decided to get an apartment together after a month and half. I'm not sure what I was thinking but I really liked her and we spend all day together. Fast forward 18 months later, and we were still living together. Very much in love, planning our future. However, one month ago we broke up. Now that I look back at everything I really think if we didn't move in together so fast, things would have turned out differently. I know I can't change that but I don't want to make this mistake in the future, if that was indeed a mistake.

I don't think us living the "married life" from 19-21 helped keep our relationship "fresh". We undoubtedly love each other. Could that be it as well? We had the stress of paying bills, staying home a lot, and stuff typical young adults don't worry about.

So I guess my question is, if you start dating someone and get to know them really well, when is it "safe" to move in together? I'm sure there is not general "rule" but I'd like to her the opinions of the community. I'm typing this fast so hopefully I covered everything.


Thanks :)

BTW: The reason for the break up is because she is extremely "LOST". She has no idea what she wants in life anymore. I believe we were both "blinded by love". On top of all this, she recently found out she has cancer. I wish I could be there for her but she wants to be on her own, and I understand.

Yes. Living together too soon can hurt a relationship. Statistics show that couples who co-habitate before marriage are more likely to end up with relationship problems, or in a break-up.
Not only that, but cohabitating before you get married can also hurt your marriage, IF you do get married. Mostly because there is nothing new to the relationship after the wedding.

Yes, living together too soon can hurt things, and more than likely will hurt things. On top of that, living together before marriage PERIOD can also damage a relationship. Now, I'm only 19 and I don't have the best track record as far as this goes, but I did wait until about 3 years into the relationship for my fiancé to move in.
Once we heard that living together could harm our relationship, we didn't want to take a chance and he moved out until our wedding day. I suggest not living together until you are married, if only for the sake of your future relationships. The last thing you want is for this to happen again.

The fact is- premaritial cohabitation is associated with low-levels of satisfaction in marriage, and a higher chance of divorce, so why even take a chance just so you can practically kill each other over who does the dishes?

The plus side is, you are learning from this experience, and hopefully, you'll put the brakes on a new relationship and put living together at the bottom of the 'to do' list.

You could have married her during the time you were with her, but, I doubt the end resolution would have been different.

What was probably the cause of the breakup was that you were both too young. Things got tangled up with obligations that, had they not been there, you would likely have broken up sooner.

Don't be too hard on yourself.

Some of us, myself included, will tell you that my husband and I lived together for two years. We married, and 33, almost 34 years together now, so for us, it was the right thing to do, although just about everybody disagreed with living together- sin sin! Nearly all of those we know that didn't live together and went from a courtship/engagement period, then marriage, are all divorced except a few.

Nobody can say what is right, or what is wrong for any particular couple. I would look at this relationship you had as mostly good, happy, and full of love. That it ended the way it did, could have been the same after 30 years too. No way of really figuring out if the relationship would have lasted had you never lived together.

I would say next time around, go slower. Base everything you do on friendship first. Develop a bond of trust and work on learning about each other, but maintain your independence somewhat so you don't get lost in another, until you are very sure, or at least as sure as you can be, that there is a very long future ahead.

I have never come across any statistics that will say your success will be based on whether you lived together before marriage. Maybe we would have fewer divorces if more people did live together, who knows.

All you can do is be cautious, go slow, and consider all things that affect your future. A parter whether married or living together, changes everything.

One big difference in living together and being married is the fact that you make a commitement when you get married and it is a more binding thing than what you might say to each othr if you are just living with each other.

Also you make vows when you marry and a lot of people that make vows try harder to hornor them than if just living together.

When only living together and you have a fuss it is so easy to say "Well I am going to take my ball and go home" and there is really nothing to bring you back together. Married you have a bond that will at least give you a change to talk things out and get back together.

Here is for better luck with your next girlfriend.

Long story , short, If I had turned left instead of right, I may have had a car wreck and died,

We can sit and think "what if" on anything, if you break up now, 40 years from now you will sit and wonder, HUMM if we had only ?

You live each day, like it is your last, you love the people who are close and treat everyone like friends.

If you love her NOW, then do what you can to stay together, if you don't love her, move on

Cohabitation Facts and Statistics

5 Myths About Cohabitation | revelife

Just Google "cohabitation statistics."

Both of these websites stated that 1/2 of cohabitating relationships end within a year, and 90% of them end within 5 years. And couples who cohabitate before marriage are twice as likely to divorce as those who don't. These statistics don't say "all" or "every" relationship will end this way, but it's probably better not to take a chance.