Ask Me Help Desk

Hey all
OK well lately I seem to be in a bit of a dilemma...
I fear that I don't trust my girlfriend. I don't know if this is true, but I am having suspicions...
At the moment we are living in different cities and see each other every month or so, we talk every night or most nights on msn, and are regularly on the phone. We love each other to bits, we have a really good relationship and there is nothing about her I would change, I love her completely and she feels exactly the same about me, I am 100% sure of that.
Lately I think the distance has been getting to me, and my mind has been spinning lies that I can't seem to get out of my head. I sometimes am unsure if I make her happy, if she misses me, if she is excited about me moving to her city (happening in about 2 weeks)
I don't know why I think this, because she has never given me any reason to, I just can't seem to let go of it...
When I tell her how I am feeling she tells me that I'm being silly and of course I make her happy, of course she misses me, of course she is excited! And she tells me " i love you so dam much, you have no idea, well yes you do because im pretty sure u love me just as much" end quote.
This morning she was sitting next to her brothers friend, a guy. From my view point it looked as though he was being.. overly friendly if you know what I mean, I asked her if I have anything to worry about and she replied "no its ok, he's harmless"
Then about 20 minutes later I couldn't stand it and had to confront her about it once again, I said "can u understand what is making me feel a bit unconfortable?" and she said she does understand and that I need not worry because nothing will ever happen.
Around this time my friend emma came over and we spend the day together, after she left I called my girlfriend and we talked and it seemed that everything was normal, I asked her if she was annoyed at me for what I had said that morning and she said yes and explained to me why, it seemd that I didn't trust her when asking about her friend and then hipocritical of me to turn around and go off with my friend emma. I totally understood this and I just want to resolve the whole issue and move past it, I have written her an email explaining why I said what I said and sincerely apologising for not having faith in her as I should have, and am expecting a reply later on tonight when she checks her emails.
I am really worried that I may not trust my girlfriend, I need help in being able to trust her, and I need to know how I can stop being paranoid about stupid things that are totally untrue because I know that she loves me and I love her..
I need advice on what to do now
Thank you for any help you can give

I used to deal with that all the time. In fact a majority of my relationships ended on a count of jealousy and my mind playing tricks on me.

I don't think there is any solution my friend.. Its something you have to go threw blindly and put faith into.

Im not talking godly.. Just something you have a lot of hope in. Which then will most likely improve your confidence.

But another thing that comes to my mind is.. when people think that way like you.. and like how I did not to long ago..

It means that you must not feel great about yourself.. and your confidence must be low..
No offense bro.. I'm stating the obvious.. and all I will say is..

Work on that.. and work on your confidence..

And ill say this much..

Accusing a girl for anything that is bad is just not the right thing to do.. some either get fed up with the accusing..

Or some actually go out there and do it..

From what you have described it seems like she isn't that type of girl.. and if she was well now she found someone to love.. and someone who loves her back.

So when you start to think negative.. remember all the good times you guys have together and the smile on her face when she sees u...
And just feel that joy man

Also... just cause she may smile and act so crazy cause she see's u one time..

Doesn't necessarly mean the next time if she doesn't smile or act all crazy.. by no means necessary does it mean that she doesn't love u.

People have moods, and when you love someone you tend to hide that mood from them..

I'm not quite sure.. but I hope this helped

I can see where one would assume I have self confident issues from my post..
But.. lol, I don't.
When I'm around my friends and am just being myself, I think I am god greatest gift to man... in a completely non cocky head kind of way..
There's 2 kind of self confidence and I have the good kind of not the bad type...
Thanks for the advice, ill try to not think of the negative and focus on the positive and see how I go

I hope all goes well. Take care. And goodluck [=

As confident as you think you are, those long distance relationships can cause even the best to have doubts and insecurities. The next time these feeling show up, put a sock in it and keep it to yourself. Yes it is that simple. We get into trouble when we act on the doubts and fears, and let common sense slip away. Good Luck.

You come across as so desperate and jealous in your posts that if you continue to carry on like this you won't have to worry about whether you trust your girlfriend or not because you won't have one.

She won't put up with your kind of behavior for long.

Like Tal said, next time you feel a little insecure like this maybe you could take a few deep breathes, ensure yourself that she does love you and keep these jealous and esperate feelings to yourself.

It would be so unattractive to her.

You have really over reacted in my opinion and a bit of a hypocrite considering you expect her to be comfortable with you being with another female all day.

It is no doubt he distance between you that is causing it but portraying these emotions to her is such a big mistake. You need to be more comfortable with yourself and her for things to work.

Good luck.

Jealousy arise when you put TOO MUCH importance in a relationship. They are PART of your life - not your life.

I sugest when you feel this way go for a run - or go work out.

YOU WILL PUSH HER AWAY WITH THESE DUMB QUESTIONS.

Plus - you may JUST turn this mirage into a reality.

PLUS - long distance relationships SUCK!! I don't wish them on anyone. The yare very difficult.

LD WILL create these feelings for sure - trust issues always arise - also you give up your power in the relationship when these things happen.

Quote:

Originally Posted by imation

lately i think the distance has been getting to me, and my mind has been spinning lies that i can't seem to get out of my head.

I think this illustrates that the distance between the two of you is a big part of the problem as to why you feel the way you do.

Quote:

Originally Posted by imation

i dont know why i think this, because she has never given me any reason to, i just can't seem to let go of it...
when i tell her how i am feeling she tells me that im being silly and of course i make her happy, of course she misses me, of course she is excited! and she tells me " i love you so dam much, you have no idea, well yes you do because im pretty sure u love me just as much" end quote.

I think there is a reason why you feel and think the way you do, I just don't think that she has anything to do with this insecurity or paranoia. Only you can work out the root of this problem you have with trusting people.

Quote:

Originally Posted by imation

this morning she was sitting next to her brothers friend, a guy. from my view point it looked as though he was being.. overly friendly if u know what i mean, i asked her if i have anything to worry about and she replied "no its ok, he's harmless"
then about 20 minutes later i couldnt stand it and had to confront her about it once again, i said "can u understand what is making me feel a bit unconfortable?" and she said she does understand and that i need not worry because nothing will ever happen.
around this time my friend emma came over and we spend the day together, after she left i called my girlfriend and we talked and it seemed that everything was normal, i asked her if she was annoyed at me for what i had said that morning and she said yes and explained to me why, it seemd that i didnt trust her when asking about her friend and then hipocritical of me to turn around and go off with my friend emma.

Trust works both ways and I can understand, just as you point out you can, how this would upset her. Without meaning to sound to harsh, it was very hipocritical for you to have an objection to what you thought she was doing and then go and do exactly the same thing yourself. Regardless of the fact that she was talking to this man, she has already clearly pointed out that nothing would ever happen. So even if HE wanted something to happen, she has already made it clear that she would not allow anything to happen.. >>>>>Because she loves YOU and wants to be with YOU.. Personally, I don't think she sounds like the cheating type.

You need to work out the root of this insecurity. Perhaps as others on here say, you have put too much of yourself into this relationship and there is no room for anything else. In the end, you can push a person away by being too insecure.

If you really love someone, you must learn to trust them!
Try to think about how you would feel if this situation was reversed.

I hope that this helps!