Okay I have been dating this guy for a while in fact we had our two year anniversary on jan 4th but I've noticed that he just plainly doesn't want to have sex with me for the past month or more I'm not ugly all my friends and co-workers that I have asked for advice about this don't know wuts wrong with him. He still tells me he loves me and I still love him but he just doesn't want me in the bedroom even though we sleep in the same bed. I find porn on the history of his computer and I just don't understand I have asked him about it but he avoided the question till tonight saying that he "just doesnt like how i sulk all the time just because i dont get sex" is this normal guy behavior or maybe there is something wrong with me... please someone answer what you think?

Tell him you need a straight answer and not some BS guilt trip response.

Maybe he has Erectile Dysfunction. But I doubt you are doing something wrong.

No he's 18 that's not possible I don't think... I mean I can get him "up" but then he turns me down even if I do

There are a lot of factors that might have him not want to have sex. Stress, tired, something on his mind; Perhaps asking him if something is bothering him, and don't bring up sex. Just casually ask him if something is bothering him or if he's stressed out.

I've tried that but he just looks at me like I'm stupid and answers my worried questions with sarcastic questions. He sleeps the regular amount, plays video games non-stop and doesn't have anything to stress about because I make sure all the bills are paid so he doesn't have to worrie about much.
And I'm not saying video games are the problem because he still has normal conversations with me while playing and sometimes I play with him. He acts like my normal boyfriend except for when I want him.

Well sit him down and ask him, tell him you want to have a serious talk, no sarcastic remarks or anything. Say you are feeling neglected physically and would like to know why you are no longer appealing to him.

Communication is key here

Maybe he is masturbating too much.That can be a big issue.Men get so used to taking things in hand they have difficulty with a partner.

Maybe he is feeling insecure about himself and his body and his sexual prowess.

Maybe he is bored in bed and he does not know how to spice things up.

Try putting it on the back burner for a while and just have some casual conversations about sex.

Ask him what his fantasies are and ask him what you can do to help fulfill them.

Also, and allow me to point out I firmly DO NOT promote sexting between members that are under the age of 18 so if you are under 18, do NOT do this.

Flirty texts and pictures are a sure fire way to get the blood pumping. A little picture in the head like a text about what color underwear you have on or anything that he gets turned on about. I must point out, do not do the picture idea if you don't trust your boyfriend not to show them. It is just an idea if all else fails. I am not saying this is the best idea

How old are YOU?

No more answers to this, please, until the OP answer that question.

Well I'm 19 he's 18 I though it posted on your profile how old you are... we have been living together for 1 year 6 monthes and dating for 2. ill try not even thinking about sex or acting towards it for a couple days maybe I've just been too avalible to him, and my friend said maybe he's not eating right. Like not enough red meat for iron or something. So ill make him some good home cooked meals when I can. But yeah guys like what they have to work for aparently.
I've tried talking to him he's not the type of guy to listen or have a serious conversation unless it benefits him in someway I'm still waiting for him to grow up a bit : )

If you're 19, you know how to type in proper English.

No further chat speak will be tolerated.

As far as the waiting for him to grow up a bit--honey, he's got a kid. What makes you think he's EVER going to grow up more than he has?

You're not his mother--you don't get to help him grow up, either.

Sounds like you've got a real winner, there.

MY advice is to back off. Yourself esteem shouldn't be based on what HE thinks, or whether he wants to have sex with you.

And let me tell you from experience: NOTHING is more of a turn off than a person who wants to have sex with you to make sure that YOU want THEM. Nagging for sex, begging for sex, NEEDING sex all the time is a turn off, in a huge way.

Who said he had a kid? Because he doesn't have any children I was his first and him mine.
I'm not begging or anything stupid like that just every couple days I try to seduce him and he turns me down.
"Sounds like you've got a real winner, there." are you trying to be rude or does that just come naturally?

My apologies... I misread something and thought that you had recently had a child. I'm truly sorry--I really did just mis-read about the child.

Actually, I was kind of being rude; I'll admit it.

Why would you WANT a guy that plays video games non-stop and that you're waiting for him to grow up? What's attractive about a guy not on the same maturity level that you are?

I just don't get why young women stay and invest so much into relationships with guys that need to change--to pay their OWN bills instead of playing video games, to grow up a little so that he can have a serious conversation without a benefit to himself, and who don't take a partner's legitimate need as something that should concern him.

You actually DON'T have a winner. You have a selfish teenage boy that you're waiting for him to grow up so that he listens to you and has a serious conversation. You have a boy who gives you sarcastic answers to questions that are important to you.

You didn't ask for advice on this, but I'm giving it anyway: Make a list of the things that are worth it AS THEY ALREADY are with your boyfriend, and a list of the things you wish he'd change. The go through the list of things you'd like changed and try to imagine a realistic situation where that happens.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by heyimcarol

He sleeps the regular amount, plays video games non-stop and doesnt have anything to stress about because i make sure all the bills are paid so he doesnt have to worrie about much.

(Snipped)

i've tryed talkin to him hes not the type of guy to listen or have a serious conversation unless it benifits him in someway im still waiting for him to grow up a bit : )

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I don't think he is a good man. He sound lazy, and it sounds like he is taking advantage of you. If he can't sit down and have a serious conversation with you, it shows that he just might not respect you.

Honestly, sex question aside, he is treating you like his mother and you're letting him get away with it.

As for the sex thing, lay off for a bit. If you need an orgasm, use a vibrator. If you want to get wild, leave the door open a bit while you're doing this.

You might want to reconsider the longevity of this relationship as I can tell you from experience: Love isn't all you need, and love isn't enough.

To Synnen; he gives me money for the bills and its not that I want him to change I want to figure out what has changed that there would be such a drastic change in his libido in the past month or so. I am with him because I have honestly loved him since I first met him I can't change that fact.
To CravenMorhead; Yes he's lazy in someways and sometimes he's takes avantage of the fact that I would do anything for him but I also am lazy and take avantage of him when I can. He respects me but isn't really one to have a serious conversation unless it really counts with anyone he doesn't see the point in getting all serious unless it really is serious. I don't own a vibrator but I'll take your idea to heart. :p

I suspect this issue is about communication. Sex always starts in the head and you're probably right, something has changed in your BF's head. You are both still really young. Part of the issue for him might be that he's been with you since he was 16, is now living with you since he was 17 and might feel trapped.

Talking about it is the key - the WAY you talk about it is even more important. It sounds like he feels defensive when you bring it up - I don't necessarily think this is a reflection of his 'goodness' or 'badness', but probably a reflection of his immaturity and lack of experience with sex and relationships in general.

All of us have to learn how to deal with these things at some time - because that's what relationships are about. Communication. Usually we don't think about it much, because things are going OK. But the test is always when they're not going OK. As you're finding.

I would suggest you try really hard not to make it about you (as in, there must be something wrong with me if he doesn't want to have sex with me). This approach makes you feel bad and him feel guilty and defensive. I would suggest you make it about the two of you (as in, what can we both do, together, to deal with this issue?).

Initially, it may be wise to back off. Just let him be for a little while, don't initiate sex and don't talk about it. Enjoy his company and do your usual things together. See what happens. Allow him to be the initiator. If things don't improve over a couple of weeks perhaps you can go away for a weekend and talk about how he sees your relationship progressing.

You're right, he is young and his expectations of a relationship may be very different to yours.