My mom today has said that I'm not her daughter and she wants nothing to do with me unless I go back to her religion (St.Puis X) and that I'm to stay away from my brothers and sisters for I will ruin them. Though I knew it was coming it was hurtful to hear. My father died when I was 3 so she was my parent beside's my so called step dad. I got married to my husband by law she does see the marriage instead I'm going to hell and living in mortal sin. I have a 1 year old and my second on the way and I don't want to baptize them. She tells me I'm a bad mother for it and that I don't love my family. She hasn't met my husband yet because she refused to and we have been married for 2 yrs. I live 19,000 miles away and when I went to visit being only 20 min away she didn't come once. I need to go on with life I mean I have a wonderful husband and this affects my marriage. How do you get over it , I mean almost 22 years of a loving mom and then nothing. I can't go back to her religion I don't believe in it. These past 2 yrs she has been the stress and the most hurtful person alive and yet I can't hate her it's not in me. Is there any advice at all?

Even if it's family some people are best to keep out of your life!

I'm so sorry you have to go through this however you should not be forced into a religion, let alone blackmailed into one. That is ridiculous.

Your mother has caused you STRESS and PAIN. That is NOT what a mother is supposed to do.

I do not talk to my mother for OTHER reasons but she does nothing but CAUSE pain and stress. I don't need that in my life and neither do you.

I know that as her daughter you want to be in her life but you don't want to sacrifice your happiness for that do you? If your unhappy and stressed it'll effect [affect?] your family. I bet there's even problems in your marriage coming from this situation.

You should really cut ties with your mother. Tell her that you ARE not going to follow her religion but you still love her and if she is not loving and respects YOUR ADULT decision then you wish to no longer speak to her. Simple as that.

Keep talking to your siblings, with a mother like that I bet they need your supports as well.

Best of luck to you.

I have to ask because I don't fully understand. When you say you got married by law. What does that mean ? Are you saying you're a common law marriage ? Or did you mean something else? Another thing is that sometimes you have to put your foot down. And if her religion dictates that sinners be forgiven then it may take years but it should blow over at some point. Religion is a tool for the soul not a blunt instrument to bash people with. Since you have a child and if she wants to see that child then she is going to have to play by YOUR rules. Your not alone and it happens to many couples. So stick to your guns. And be thankful for what you already have and the rest will take care of itself.

Well, that's absolutely heartbreaking. No other real way to say it, is there? I'm not quite sure what St. Pius X means as a religion. I'm thinking it's a Catholic thing? In any case, that's just hard, especially considering it doesn't need to be that way. I mean, I'm a Christian. But *religion* is a thing I despise. I know you said you don't believe, but hear me through--I have a point that's valid to your struggle; I promise. In the Bible, Jesus Himself also despised religion. There are times in there that He totally stuck it to the religious leaders and teachers because manmade religion--the kind that causes men to swell with self-righteousness, the kind that makes people think they've somehow *earned* a right to go to heaven, the kind that makes a mother shut the door on her daughter--is *always* a road to pain and heartache and evil. Jesus called the respected temple leaders--the priests if you will--he called them a "brood of vipers," among other things. Yeah. Probably part of the reason they plotted to have him killed. Jesus is the man who met with all the people no one else wanted. The tax collectors (who were thieves) and the prostitutes. His followers were the poor and the sick and the simple. The sinners.

I'm not preaching at you by any means. I just thought if maybe your mother is a believer in the Bible, you might find a way to lovingly bring this to her attention. That the God she says she follows is a God who died a horrible bloody death so that people like all of us--people who mess up and don't deserve a second chance and more often than not waste the second chance we're given--could spend eternity with him. So how can she call herself a follower of that God when she can't even afford mercy to a daughter she loves? I don't know her. But I'm just about positive she loves you. In her own way, I think maybe she just wants to protect you. If I'm right about her believing in the Bible, then she believes Hell is a real place, and when you say you don't believe, I think maybe it terrifies and grieves her at the thought of you dying without coming to believe in God. So she's trying to sort of... coerce you into heaven. It doesn't work that way. Your decision is between you and God. So I'm *definitely* not saying she's in the right here in how she's treated you. She's wrong. I believe God would agree. But I figure if maybe you consider that she might be frightened for you more than angry with you, maybe you can make more sense of her way over-the-top and... well, cruel reaction.

I'm truly sorry you have to go through this, River. It kills me that your mom has taken her knowledge of what is really a gift of hope, and twisted it and turned it backwards so that now it's hurting you and hurting her and hurting the rest of your family.

People are sometimes impossible. It's a regreatable and rather unpalletable part of loving them. So I can't promise you that approaching her, even approaching her from her own side, will work to soften her heart. I hope it does, though. And I do want to say, too, that I hope you do look into the Bible to see what it really says. It's scary to me how a lot of churches today are teaching all this *stuff*, and none of it's actually in the Bible. It's screwing people up. That's what religion does. Not that all churches are that way, not at all. But... it's out there.

And... I don't know if this matters at all, but... the Bible also doesn't have anything about baptizing babies in it. Every time anyone was baptized in the Bible that person was an adult and had already become a believer in Christ. So... I don't know where the baby thing came in. Another ritual thing I guess. Religions are full of rituals. But I thought you might want to know, from a biblical standpoint, one your mom might respect, not baptizing your babies doesn't make you a bad mom by any means. Baptism doesn't have anything to do with who is or isn't going to heaven.

In any case, I'll be praying for you. And I hope some of this maybe helps. I hope you don't have to cut your mom out of your life. Cutting people out... that'll leave scars every time. If you try talking to her, though, and that doesn't work... maybe it will take some time apart for her to think about what she's losing. I don't know. But I really hope she comes around. And if I could offer a piece of advice from experience, as hard as it may be, please try not to get defensive with her. If you go in determined not to become argumentative, but to listen, and to speak respectfully, that right there may go a long way in getting her to listen to you. Not that I'm saying you've been argumentative at all. I just know that when I get mad, that's how I tend to be, and just hearing your story, I got a little riled up myself, you know? So I know it can only be infinitely more painful and emotional for you. When you're in the room or on the phone with her, even when you're feeling so hurt you just want to scream, even when you're so hurt you have a right to scream, remind yourself that it's worth it to give up that right if it means reconciling your family.

Well... that's it. Sorry if I rambled. Like I said, your story just hit me hard. Anyway, though, blessings to you and yours, River3002000. I'm pulling for you.

Well first St Pius X accept as married people who are married by Judge, or JP or even by another faith. And they are even in dissusion currently ( as of 2009) in getting back with Rome. And they would only want you to come latter to get your marriage blessed in the church, but if you have a marriage license they would still view you as married.

They are one of the most strictest of the Catholic Groups, they don't believe in much of what has happened in the catholic church since Vactican II.

Currently they are merely considered an Independent Catholic group since they are not in fellowship with Rome directly.

So I feel many of her moral teachings may not be as much real as perceived.

But you live how many miles away, so tell her you love her, will be glad to call and talk as long as she will be civil, but will hang up the second she starts fussing

For those not up on St Pius X, it is a order that was within the Catholic Church, but because of varioius liberal moves after Vact II they broke away, will not follow new rules)

They are not currently in communion with the Catholic Church.

There is an entire movement of Independent Catholics that broke away for various reasons, I am in fact part of one.

River:
Your mother is emotionally black-mailing you!
She needs to stop this behavior.
Tell her that you love her.
And tell her you do not agree with her beliefs about religion and in order for you and her to have a good relationship that subject has to be closed!
Keep insisting on that!
I recommend praying to God for the right words before communicating with her.
You may have to keep your distance
To keep sane!
It would be wonderful if someday you could really share each others thoughts in a respectful way, but
It sometimes takes a lot of time to
Get to that point (if ever).
My prayers are with you!

I am not a so-called Christian, and I belong to no faith, and this is one of the reasons.

When a person uses their faith as some sort of trump card of 'truth', no matter how unreasonable, rude, arrogant, selfish, and mean they are, they are always right. There is no negotiating, their way or the highway.

As she has made a decision that you are a 'sinner' who won't repent, the cards are pretty much on the table.

I hope that her cold heart, and hard head will soften up a bit. I cannot imagine how hard it must be to get through to someone who does not wish to share in the joy of your family, especially the grandchildren.

She is missing out on all the best things in life, and I feel sorry for her.

Stand your ground, and live a happy life. Your husband and your children have to come first.

Sad as you may feel - you are not your mother and you cannot live her life, nor live your life as she dictates.

Your mother is a religious bigot and it is her choice to behave in this way towards her daughter, as it is her choice to follow this particular faith.

Simply put, it is your choice not to follow that faith. Sadly, this places you at odds with her, but if she cannot accept your choice then there is very little that you can do to change her mind. I would not suggest arguing or trying to persuade her otherwise, it will only embed her resistance to accepting you even further.

Live your life according to your values. Live a good life, a full life. Love your children, your husband and keep loving your mother. Accept that there is sorrow associated with this relationhsip but that the outcome is out of your control.

It's hard but don't take the stress and hurt on as your own. If you can, work towards loving her without expectation. I would also suggest that you contact her as little as possible until you can do so without feeling bad.

The ultimate goal for us as human beings is to go to Heaven after death. We do not get there by Religion or Denominationalism. We get there through Our Lord Jesus Christ (John 14:6). Christianity comes from the HEART, the LOVE of Christ Jesus, your neighbor and others including your Mother & Father to which the Almighty Father will judge us all by to enter his Kingdom. The Lord never leave us or forsake us, so you should forgive your mother and ask God to forgive her. Surrender this situation to the Lord and ask him to fix it or her and don't blame yourself. Use this as an example to shower your own family with all the LOVE you can cherish them with. You're now obligated to your husband and your kids, focus on them. Don't stop talking to your siblings if they are willing to talk to you. If not, put them on your prayer list also and surrender them to the Lord and everything will be all right. Send your Mom a birthday card on her birthday and other occasions, the rest is up to her and on her. Let go and let GOD, Believe in FAITH and your prayers will be answered. Take care and God Bless.