I think I have Erectile Dysfunction and my wife thinks it's an arousal thing where I don't find her attractive anymore! Let me just say that that is BS because I love her so much and I still find her very sexy and attractive!!
Anyway too be more specific let me explain that I'm now 43 and my wife is 32. We have been together for about 4-1/2 years. During the first 2 years we were just dating a seeing each other about 4-5 times a week and making love almost every time we were together, understand between us we always had 3 grade school age children around us so we had to sneak off to the back bedroom while they playing or watching TV.
During this time there were no problems with me getting erect and staying erect. I pride myself in trying to stay hard as long as possible to satisfy her 3-5 times before I allowing myself to be satisfied.
Once she moved in with me, (2 years later), we continued as much as possible however we now have had 2 more children of our own and of course many times we get interrupted in the process. Since the last child was born 13 months ago I have noticed that I cannot get as hard and large as I use to or stay as erect as long. Since I still try to satisfy her 3-5 times before myself she expects this and gets upset if it doesn’t happen and then of course she starts with the "You're not attracted to me anymore!" or even to say "You must be doing it with someone else!"
Recently I had my primary care doctor prescribe me Viagra, now my wife feels that if I need something like that then I must not be attracted to her anymore since I need help getting aroused. However I don't have a problem getting erect it’s staying erect and getting it as large and hard as I use too!
I would really love to hear a woman’s side of this but I don't mind any males thoughts especially if they’ve experienced the same thing, thank’s!!

Talk to your doctor about getting some "help". Viagra works really well, but Cialis works even better, for up to 36 hrs.

You will be back to your normal self in no time.

He already has, JMJ.

Take your wife WITH you to the doctor, in my opinion. Self confidence issues drive me CRAZY when they affect marriages. If she won't go with you to the doctor, try to get her to go to marriage counseling.

Have you had a full physical to rule out any other medical problems that might be causing the ED?

Did your doctor give you any reasons you are having difficulty maintaining an erection? She might find it easier to understand if there was a diagnosis and not just a prescription.

She needs to understand that age, stress, fear of interruption, etc. can all affect libido and staying power. It is also very unrealistic to think that the frequency and act itself stays the same throughout a relationship.

Counseling may help or taking her to a visit with your doctor.

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Originally Posted by jmjoseph

Talk to your doctor about getting some "help". Viagra works really well, but Cialis works even better, for up to 36 hrs.

You will be back to your normal self in no time.

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Not always, men do differently depending on the cause of their problems

Take her to the doctor visist with you, ask her to read the millions of pages online about ED and how it effects men as they age.

And I have actually found a over the counter that works better than viagra, I did not believe it, but a much higher success rate and lasts more days per doze. It is called Rock Hard. But no I will not give out links to advertise product

What are the medical issues that may cause this... high blood sugar, high blood pressure, high stress levels can all cause this... amoung others. If everything isn't working just so... the car isn't getting out of the garage.

I actually tried Viagra and it didn't change anything except let me say I didn't get any harder... my wife got mad because she said I must not be arroused by her anymore if I need medication to do so, so we never got to put it to the test! I had to satisfy myself unfortunately and that was no different with or without the viagra! Last night I tried without and medical assistance and she got upset because she felt I wasn't into her because I was not as hard or big as I have been in the past! She was right because I can tell a difference myself. I'm very worried because it's greatly affecting our marriage because no matter what a woman says about being so in love ewith you that sex doesn't matter, they quickly change that tune when its not there!!

I did have a physical recently and my primary care doctor is the one who gave me the Viagra. I have an appointment with a Urologist next week to find out what else it can be. All I know is that I definitely get arroused with my wife its just that I don't get as hard or as big as I use to and I don't stay hard as long! I don't smoke and I only drink very rarely, I don't take any medication, and my weight is suppose to be ideal for my height even though I have a slight belly where I can pinch a few inches. I do have back problems from always over doing it and carrying my two small children all the time and I also have neck problems in which part of it was supposively fixed with disk replacement surgery recently, still waiting for recovery to be over with!

All I know is that I really would like to fix this problem before my wife leaves me!! I'm willing to try over the counter products to see what works and if I have to I won't tell her since she takes it so personal.

You do have to let the physician run all the tests to find out what is out of balance in your system. It still might be something that's treatible once they find out what the root cause is.

If THAT can't be taken care of for whatever reason... there are surgical alternatives that would allow you to... um perform your marital duties.

Don't hide anything from your wife. If you get over-the-counter help let her know. If you don't and she finds it or a receipt, then you are really going to need to talk fast.

Show her this site and what you have written. For a lot men, this subject is not one they want to share with the world even anonymously.

I think you have a combination of issues that may need a neutral party to mediate the discussions about. She seems to be feeling very insecure about how attractive she is (especially after her last pregnancy). It is coupled with your problems of keeping an erection. Both seem to be making the other problem even worse.

While you are trying to resolve any physical problems, take a look at how much stress you are under both as a parent and as a lover. Expecting children to interrupt and at the same time having your wife not even attempting to understand are hard on anyone's libido and mental state of arousal.

Is there any way you can go away for a night or two together without children? Do you have 'dates' where you get away from the children for a few hours?

Take her to your next doctor's appointment and have him talk to your wife about ED.

Erectile dysfunction can be a self fulfilling prophecy. You're concerned about not getting hard so you don't get as hard, your partner takes it personally, so you get more concerened and so it goes.

The real issue here is the communication with your wife. She's taking it personally and you can't get hard as a result. I suggest you see a counsellor - both of you - ASAP.

If you're concerned that she'll leave you because you can't stay hard (and you can't persuade her otherwise) then she needs to have a reality check and understand that she's assisting to perpetuate the dynamic.

I'm not sure what you can do to persuade her that you love her and that your ED is not related to her 'attractiveness'. If she's not willing to listen and continually makes it about her then you REALLY have a problem.

My sense is that it's related to your stress, her expectations and the changed circumstances. Your life has changed - why would you expect your sex life to stay the same? Satisfying her 3-5 times per session while you stay big and hard on a regular basis may not be always possible or practical any more.

This issue runs deeper than your sexual prowess. By all means see your doctor but couples counselling may be the real answer here.