About three yrs ago I met a guy on a gay website... he had sent he a note and we met... although I thought I was totally out of his league... and thought that I would never see him again for some reason he continued to visit me often... it was always oral sex me giving him receiving... and there was some pot smoking along with chats of his family and career... I found this man to be my total fantasy... good looking... groovy... and self confident... he had explained to me that he and his wife had an agreement when they first met that they were both bi and still wanted a family had both a boy and girl in they're adolescent ages... in the last three yrs I have gone from the best days of my life to the worst... there are times when I have felt like a total piss on... although I knew that I would loose in the end... I find myself in the fetile position most of my nights... I am not totally blind to what's happening I know that this man had used me for as long as he could and now is done with me... I feel like scratching his eyes out but am not that kind of person... would never want any bad done to him... I also realize that I may have scared him away when I told him that I had feelings for him... he immediately drew away and must have thought that I wanted to have more that I did... I just enjoyed him those times when we spent together and was actually enough for me... now I have no part of him... but he keeps me mentally and emotionally hanging on by sending me mixed messages... I am trying to heal from this blow... I feel like I've lost a big part of my life... in hindsight I guess I was falling a bit more for him than I thought I did so its probably more of a blessing than a punishment but I still feel just the ladder... I guess I'm writing this down so that I could get it off my chest and read other stories t know that I'm ot the only one that has and is going through this... thanks for reading on... love and peace to all of you

Relationships are complicated. The best way for you to get past this, is to stop contacting this man. You deserve to be with someone who is going to be committed to you, and who is going to care for you.
Is a man that used you worth so much of your emotions and distress? This man doesn't deserve a second of your time! Don't give up, show a little patience and you'll find the partner you always wanted, or maybe he will find you, you never know.

I don't see why this is hard to understand, he was having sex, not a relationship, he has a wife and family and you are not part of it, you are the 10 min ( or is it 30) and a couple of beers once in a while.
You were not even equal to a mistress since he was not keeping you. Being Gay is really not an issue, it just changes the male and female roles. The advice to you would be the same if you were a women who was having an affair with this man.

Any relationship is totally in your mind at all, there never was one. You were wanting something not possible and allowed it to happen yourself by cheating with a married man.

Remember married people are not life partners, they are already taken

You should cut all contact with him-dont text or mail or reply to any of his messages-go complete no contact.

You need to heal from his removing himself from your life.

Good luck and peace to you too.