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-   -   Rebound relationship (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=434168)

  • Jan 11, 2010, 01:15 PM
    itiswhatitis
    Rebound relationship

    OK here's my situation,my ex g/f of 4 years is now dating some one else.2009 was a rocky year for us I broke it off with her because I caught her sending out half naked photos via internet.

    I love her with all my heart and really wanted things to work out but a month after we split she started dating this new guy and wow the look of shock on my face when I found out is undescribable.never in a million years would I have looked at this new guy and thought my ex would have any interest.he's not very good looking my ex even says this admittingly she flat out said that this is the ugliest guy iv'e ever dated.but he's sweet caring and affectionate where her exact words

    Is she rebounding?or is this new guy the real deal?

    She says she loves me but is no longer in love with me and that she wants to remain friends they've been dating 5 months and we still have sex on rare occasion

    She also says that she's in love with him but I know I'm not the only guy on the sideline sort of speak!I'm not sure if she's confused as to what she wants she just recently turned 21.

    I tried to salvage our relationship told her how I felt, did everything that I could do to let her know that I loved her more than anything.I admit I wasn't the greatest b/f in terms of being emotionally supportive of her career and overall goals in life.I never wanted to be around her friends I kept things very family oriented.she told me that she coudnt give me a 100% right now and nothing has changed.I notice that when her and the new guy get into arguments she usually comes running back to me 4 support and a shoulder to cry on sort of speak.its as if she only misses me when things with her and the new guy aren't going well.

    I want her in my life but I don't know if I want her under these circumstances at times I feel a little used.she's very hot and cold now when it comes to her relationship with me.. things could be going great we could have the most awesome time together.and then the very next day she's cold and distant again.im a little confused by it all points of view are appreciated but I feel like I really need another woman's perspective here

    Is she confused?is this new guy really that great?

    I honestly feel like she went out and got a new guy with a lot of the qualities that I lacked at the time.he's about as different from me as it gets I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing

    I want her back but I'm not sure of how to go about it iv'e done just about everything imaginable.. the calm approach, the desperate approach hell I even tried the approach and nothing I do seems to change anything!

    She told me so many times before that I'm her 1st true love and that she never wanted to be with any one else what action should I take at this point is really my main question.when all else fails what else can you do?
  • Jan 11, 2010, 01:33 PM
    amicon
    Look-yes it sounds like a rebound,but what on earth are you doing still having sex with her and adding to the overall toxic mess?

    Why would you want to be her emotional crutch?

    Let her sort out her own life,disappear from her life and do your own thing.
  • Jan 11, 2010, 01:41 PM
    HistorianChick

    She is in a relationship. She is off limits. Period.

    She's cheating on her boyfriend with you. She is a cheater. You're her "piece on the side."

    In my opinion, you need to get a little self-respect and leave her alone. She is no good for you.

    She may be in a rebound relationship, but that is not your concern. She is in a relationship.
  • Jan 11, 2010, 01:42 PM
    itiswhatitis
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by amicon View Post
    Look-yes it sounds like a rebound,but what on earth are you doing still having sex with her and adding to the overall toxic mess?

    Why would you want to be her emotional crutch?

    Let her sort out her own life,disappear from her life and do your own thing.


    Lol man it seems that when I take the no contact route she gets mad.. she won't ever admit it but I can just feel the tension when I ignore her we have a child together I forgot to add that so its pretty hard not to be around her.I don't want to distance myself from her at the cost of distancing myself from my own child
  • Jan 11, 2010, 02:02 PM
    Cat1864
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by itiswhatitis View Post

    lol man it seems that when i take the no contact route she gets mad..she wont ever admit it but i can just feel the tension when i ignore her we have a child together i forgot to add that so its pretty hard not to be around her.i dont want to distance my self from her at the cost of distancing myself from my own child
    The advice is still valid to a point. Yes, you still need to have some contact with her because of the child (who does not need to be raised in this mess). However, you need to face up to your own actions. She is not yours anymore. You dumped her because her actions were crossing your personal boundaries. Now, you are assisting her in fulling blowing up the relationship boundaries in her new relationship. She may not have 'cheated' in your relationship with her, but she definitely is now WITH YOUR HELP.

    She can not keep your child away from you just because she is peeved. You should have a court order (even if things are friendly, situations change and your child needs the protection) that spells out how much child support you pay as well as visitation and college funds, insurance, etc. Don't use your child as an excuse for poor behavior.
  • Jan 11, 2010, 02:10 PM
    itiswhatitis
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Cat1864 View Post
    The advice is still valid to a point. Yes, you still need to have some contact with her because of the child (who does not need to be raised in this mess). However, you need to face up to your own actions. She is not yours anymore. You dumped her because her actions were crossing your personal boundaries. Now, you are assisting her in fulling blowing up the relationship boundaries in her new relationship. She may not have 'cheated' in your relationship with her, but she definitely is now WITH YOUR HELP.

    She can not keep your child away from you just because she is peeved. You should have a court order (even if things are friendly, situations change and your child needs the protection) that spells out how much child support you pay as well as visitation and college funds, insurance, etc. Don't use your child as an excuse for poor behavior.



    Oh I'm def not.. lol the main reason I continued to have sex with her is because I felt like it was a moral victory for me as bad as that sounds.I didn't want her to be the same girl for him as she was for me.in my mind having sex with her would tarnish her current relationship its something that she always has to think about even if this new guy is the one for her.my intent wasn't good at all I admit that
  • Jan 11, 2010, 02:19 PM
    amicon
    Get child support and visitation rights sorted out.

    And let her get on with her life without your desire to tarnish her current relationship!!

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