So, me and my girlfriend broke up a week or so ago. We came to an understanding that our relationship is too emotional (we argue all the time), and only good when we get physical (sex has always been good). We live together now and our lease is up at the end of march. Honestly I can't stand her anymore. I thought it would make sense to live together, for financial purposes. Now I realize that even though she has a part time job she makes no contributions to the household anyway. We looked at an apartment the other day (after we broke up). I feel like I really exceed my responsibilities, as far as paying for stuff, and doing chores. We have been together for 2 years and she hasn't once did the laundry. She only works 2 nights a week. The past 5 days she has been in the house with the baby and hasn't cleaned up a damn thing. When me and baby hang out, I put her in her bouncer on the dining room table and cook or wash the dishes. When we were together I used to do without complaining, but now that she doesn't have that status I don't see the point. What should I do? If I move out and get my own place I'm 90% sure I will have to pay my rent and hers because she is lazy, in my eyes, and won't step up to the plate.

I hope Baby doesn't "bounce" that bouncer right off the edge of the table while you're busy in another room.

So how will she support herself and the baby if you're not in the picture? Won't you have to pay big bucks as support money anyway?

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

I hope Baby doesn't "bounce" that bouncer right off the edge of the table while you're busy in another room.

So how will she support herself and the baby if you're not in the picture? Won't you have to pay big bucks as support money anyway?

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If you know what a bouncer is, you would know that it is stationary. I have no problem giving her money to help out, but she needs to step up to the plate. If I wasn't attached to my daughter, I wouldn't even be in the picture. Right now, I guess she starting school. I guess that's good, but it doesn't pay the bills. Our roles are very unequal, and she couldn't survive in my shoes. Where's my contribution to the gas tank, or the rent, or the groceries? Without me she wouldn't have anything. It is only my respionsibility to support me and my child. I am only 19 yrs old and I make sure my child doesn't go without. She is 21 and dependent on me. I don't give a how she provides for herself, not my responsibility.

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Originally Posted by anonimo

If you know what a bouncer is, you would know that it is stationary. I have no problem giving her money to help out, but she needs to step up to the plate. If I wasn't attached to my daughter, I wouldn't even be in the picture. Right now, i guess she starting school. I guess that's good, but it doesn't pay the bills. Our roles are very unequal, and she couldn't survive in my shoes. Where's my contribution to the gas tank, or the rent, or the groceries? Without me she wouldn't have anything. It is only my respionsibility to support me and my child. I am only 19 yrs old and I make sure my child doesn't go without. She is 21 and dependant on me. I don't give a how she provides for herself, not my responsibility.

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Bouncers when I was raising kids were NOT stationary. Glad they've added that feature, probably because babies bounced off tables.

If you and she live in different places, you will be obliged to provide support money. She, in turn, does not have to tell you how she spent it.

How would she support herself if you aren't around?

Have you two talked about this together, especially with an unbiased third party like a counselor or social worker or minister?

Yes we know that bouncers are meant to be stationary but without being affixed to that table it is a possibility that the baby could fall off and get hurt. That is the point that Wondergirl was making. Usually the packaging states this.

You're right, you're not responsible for providing for your child's mother but at least sit down and have a talk with her so that your child doesn't end up in a bad situation. Does she have somewhere to go or relatives she can stay with until she gets on her feet? Tell her that she may have to postpone school in the meantime until she gets more stable.

One other thing to keep in mind that while you say she's not doing "anything" at home all day, she is caring for your child and you will need to factor in daycare expenses once you guys split and are both working.

Yes, new parent no idea what a child will do all of a sudden, bouncers are not table used.

So work out a child custody agreement, figure the proper child support by your state law, and when and how you each share custody or visits.

As for rent, that is up to the terms of the lease, if you are listed on the list, you are obligated also to pay the lease

If you are certain that you want to move out and split up, just be prepared for child support and visitation, which probably won't be a problem, as you pay for most everything now anyway.

Your lawyer can advise you what to expect, and it is all pretty straight forward.

Being that unhappy in the relationship can only be harmful to the child in my opinion. Maybe the most important concern is establishing, legally, your obligations, and maintaining a schedule with your child.

Please keep the bouncy thing off the table!

OMG. @Wondergirl : How will she support herself? GET A JOB! That is just rediculas. Its HER responsibility to take care of herself, not his. Who takes care of you?

Anonimo, Hun, I was married for 12 years thinking it was best for our 3 children. 10yrs later and NO child support, My kids are MUCH BETTER OFF. Believe me, your child knows you are in a bad relationship. You CANNOT make any relationship work for children. Move out. Find happiness and your child will follow your lead to a healthy relationship. They live what they learn from you. If you show its "ok" to be miserable with someone you can't stand, that will be "ok" in their eyes to live that way when they are grown. No matter what, please just be a good Dad. You are toooooooo young to be so unhappy. As for child support, until it is ordered by a judge, my advice is take diapers.. food.. milk.. clothes.. etc. Apparently she is not responsible with money. This way YOU will know your baby has what he/she needs. Good luck sweetie! GET OUT AND FIND YOU SOMEONE THAT MAKES YOU SMILE!

You are not happy, so yes its time to go, and maybe you both can be better parents apart, than you were together. Make no mistake, its still going to be hard making the adjustments it takes to raise a child together, but you both are young, and still learning about the real work to be done.

You didn't seem to have the benefit of being able to solve your issues through honest communications, so yes, being apart is the way to go, despite the good sex. Time apart for you both is indicated, and my hope is you don't let your negative feelings for her, stop you from providing what your child needs, and be patient, as I am sure she is as concerned as you are, but maybe needs more guidance to get the tools she needs to succeed, as do you. This is a wake up call for you both.

So don't get on a high horse, and point point fingers too much young man, because it's a mans responsibility to lead his family, despite all the obstacles, and road blocks that presents themselves. That includes the very real skills of forming a plan, and communicating it to your partner to help define what the family needs, and how to get it. Be interesting to hear her side of the debate about your shortcomings, Mr. Perfect.

Anybody can have great sex, but without the willingness to work together, it means nothing. That you have tried to step up, and do the right thing is saying a lot about your character, but please don't put ALL the blame for this relationship failure on her, as it seldom works that way, and the lack of communications is a two way street. So yes back up, and regroup, but I can bet there is enough blame to go around if you think about it.

But I know well the frustrations of being young, inexperienced, and overwhelmed, but just keep working on being great parents, as you learn, and grow. Whether you are apart, or together, that's the main thing.