Ask Me Help Desk - I'm having a baby with my ex

I'm pregnant with my exs child and I'm not too sure what to do about us frm now on.the reason he is my ex is because he cheated on me repeatedly and I ended the reationship after 3 years. I still love him and he still loves me but I'm still angry and still hurting. Do I forgive him and get back with him? I couldn't bare to see him with anyone else. Or should I let him be apart of our child's life but not in a relationship as I know he is going to be a great dad but I can't trust him not 2 hurt me again? Pplz help

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Originally Posted by meccah

im pregnant with my exs child and im not too sure what to do about us frm now on.the reason he is my ex is because he cheated on me repeatedly and i ended the reationship after 3 years. i still love him and he still loves me but im still angry and still hurting. do i forgive him n get back with him? i cudnt bare to see him with anyone else. or should i let him be apart of our childs life but not in a relationship as i know he is going to be a great dad but i can't trust him not 2 hurt me again? pplz help

1-How old are you?

2- Just because you have a baby with him doesn't mean you forgive and forget and give it another shot. You two NEED to work things out BEFORE even thinking of getting back together.

3- Do you BOTH want to get back together and work things out or do you just want to get back together because of the baby? I'm telling you now, babies magnify your problems. If you don't "fix" your issues you'll find yourself in the same position.

4- Have you considered counseling? It may be the best option so you both can get things straight. This doesn't mean you'll be together--- you can be GREAT parents without being together.

What has he said OR done to make you think that he'll change and leave his cheating ways?

If it's nothing or he says "baby I'll change" but is banging a few other girls than his words don't mean squat. A man that wants to change and start to work on his family DOES so. He stops his games, gets a job and WORKS for what he has broken.

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Originally Posted by mudweiser

1-How old are you?

2- Just because you have a baby with him doesn't mean you forgive and forget and give it another shot. You two NEED to work things out BEFORE even thinking of getting back together.

3- Do you BOTH want to get back together and work things out or do you just want to get back together because of the baby? I'm telling you now, babies magnify your problems. If you don't "fix" your issues you'll find yourself in the same position.

4- Have you considered counseling? It may be the best option so you both can get things straight. This doesn't mean you'll be together--- you can be GREAT parents without being together.

What has he said OR done to make you think that he'll change and leave his cheating ways?

If it's nothing or he says "baby I'll change" but is banging a few other girls than his words don't mean squat. A man that wants to change and start to work on his family DOES so. He stops his games, gets a job and WORKS for what he has broken.

I'm 24 next month.. I'm 9 weeks pregnant he cheated on me at the beginning of the relationship and I found out but I forgave him and we moved on I ended the relationship ahen at 6 weeks of my pregnancy after I had told him I was pregnant we told a few friends and then a girl showd up at my house claiming she had been seeing him for the last 6 weeks till he ended it with her a week ago I felt like such a idiot!

I do still love him I can't stop although I hate what he has done to me. He says he loves me 2 but I think he's in love with the thought of us. If he loved me he wudnt of done that would he? He's said he's trying to change he's said he's been to see a councilor at his work place and he's changed his number but I still don't know I that's enough for me.

Right now I wouldn't want to be with him for the baby I would want to be with him becus I love him but I would hate for it 2 turn out like that being with him for all the wrong reasons.

He's asked me a couple timees 2 get bak with him and spouted all the usually bull about loving me and needing me but it seems harder than ever to look past things with his baby inside me..

Personally, I think you should do this on your own. He can still be a father and be there for his baby and support it.

He sounds immature and not quite ready.

Are you ready for this baby?
Are you prepared financially?
Do you have a job? Do you go to school?

What is he doing for you? Has be purchased you any maternity clothing? Will he be going to doctor's appointments with you? What about the doctor's bills? What is HE doing to step up to the plate? You need to bring these things to his attention.

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Originally Posted by mudweiser

Personally, I think you should do this on your own. He can still be a father and be there for his baby and support it.

He sounds immature and not quite ready.

Are you ready for this baby?
Are you prepared financially?
Do you have a job? Do you go to school?

What is he doing for you? Has be purchased you any maternity clothing? Will he be going to doctor's appointments with you? What about the doctor's bills? What is HE doing to step up to the plate?? You need to bring these things to his attention.

He works in an army recruit center and before this was looking to pursue his career in that direction. So nim not 2 sure what he's going to do about that now. I work as well and have a big faimily and a lot of support. Financially and emotionally I am ready for this baby the changes and the sacrifices, the pregnancy wasn't planned but I guess its never the right time to have a child but still I see this child as a blessing. Also he's come to the doctors and scans with me so I know the support from him and his family are there. But your right he is immature and this whole thing has come as a shock to him but I won't make any excuses for him.
And thanks for the help and advice its much appreciated x

I'm happy to hear you have great support!

Where do you live? You can find community support there too! I met other moms through community programs- it's great to meet other expectant mothers or single parents or just new people! You should really look into it! It'll help!

Good luck to you. Keep us posted.

Love is commitment- because you broke up, and because he cheated on you multiple times, neither of you are truly "in love" it may feel like it, because there's a good chance you have romantic feelings for each other. Think about the baby. This man may be the father, but do you want your child growing up with him as a father-figure? Is he going to set a good example for your child? The last thing you want is to demonstrate an un-healthy relationship for the next generation. Your child will look up to you, and you don't want him or her seeing an unhealthy relationship, or you will encourage unhealthy relationships.

You never get back because of a child, you can both be good parents with your own lives.

And he was cheating on you how many times ? So I guess would you rather see him with someone else as you move on in your life, or find out again and again he has cheated