I am a single mother of 3 children. I met a military man who told me he was single father. I fell for him hard. Eventually I found out he was engaged. I chose to stay with him hoping he change his mind and chose me. He dumped me on 31st I found out I was preganate soon after. I told him he said he didn't love me and that he didn't want anything do with the baby and I ruined his life. He is getting married soon. I don't know what to do. I am hurt and confused. I know having a abortion is the smart thing to do, but in my heart I just don't know. It kills me to know that he takes care and claims his fiancée child as his own, but doesn't want anything to do with ours. I will always be the mistake in his life, and do not know I can raise a child with that guilt.

I have a feeling you will get a lot of very conflicting opinions about your situation. Personally, I believe that a woman who would 'terminate' her offspring because of guilt, is just selfishness on her part. And in this world, being selfless and self-sacrificing is counter-cultural. These days, the unborn do not have the right to live, and women have the option to kill their offspring. Not only that, but abortion can cause a lot of emotional pain for woman. This decision can ultimately only be made by you. All I can do, is throw in some imput.

Whatever your decision is make sure that you are making the best decision for yourself. Pretend like he is not even part of the equation and do what you feel is right for you and your child. I know people who have gotten pregnant and kept their child even thought they knew the father wouldn't be involved. What goes around comes around and he will get his in the end.

This is a very touch situation. The best opinionated advice I can offer is that you conceived the child out of love, if you will. This child can always bear a memory of what you did have and feel at the time of conception. My husband and I both being military, I can tell you this much; the military is not fond of men/women who walk away from their responsibilities. You have the upper hand in this situation and remember you did NOT ruin his life, he ruined his own life.

I wish you the best!!

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Originally Posted by missakira

This is a very touch situation. The best opinionated advice I can offer is that you conceived the child out of love, if you will. This child can always bear a memory of what you did have and feel at the time of conception. My husband and I both being military, I can tell you this much; the military is not fond of men/women who walk away from their responsibilities. You have the upper hand in this situation and remember you did NOT ruin his life, he ruined his own life.

I wish you the best!!!

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I also would like to add while their has been no "proven" support that elective terminations may prevent future child bearing, it would be something to take into consideration. I have heard and read of certain situations where women have not be able to conceive after terminations.

I am not speaking against abortion in no way, shape or form. You must decide what is best for YOU! :D:D

If you have the child then go after him for child support. It's his baby too, and he doesn't get to choose whether he pays for his actions.

If you decide to terminate the pregnancy then I hope that you have someone that can offer support. It doesn't sound to me like you're really sure about this.

Talk to a counselor, most abortion clinics have someone that will talk things through with you before you make the appointment.

Have you considered adoption?

Thanks everyone. I tried to talk to him about it more but he wants nothing to do with it and told me tell the child he died in the war. He doesn't want to lose his fiancée and her son. It saddens me because I do love him. I think in my heart I did get pregnnate pn purpose didn't think it woud actually happen but I wasn't being careful/ My young children are the ones who will be suffereing as we are on a fixed income as it is. I have to make a decsion within the next week because I refuse to do a table abortion. Any input is welcomed thanks again. And how is military airforce about child support?

Firstly, only you can decide whether to terminate your pregnancy or not. No one here can or should advise you on this.

However, if you decide to keep the child then I think you need to burst his bubble. He also needs to take responsibility for the pregnancy (and the child). He lied to and he cheated on, not only you but also to his fiancée.

How dare he say to you that you should tell the child he died in the war!

Time to get tough. If you decide to keep the child get a paternity test, sue for child support, inform the military and tell his fiancée.

If you decide to get an abortion, send his fiancée the bill.

If you decide to have another relationship - please use contraception and don't use pregnancy as an excuse to keep him! You also need to take responsibility for this fiasco involving an innocent victim - your unborn child.

Thank you soooo much for your input. I have decided to keep the baby and take year or two to stay at home with my 4 children I am going to start saving now. As far as the faather I slept with him on the 10 and on the 11 he went to be with his fiancé ( she lives overseas) they are getting married on the 16. He has complete dogged me and the baby and now doesn't return my calls at all. I knew this was coming I guess. I just wonder now... do you think he really wants nothing to do with the baby or do men say that and eventually when the baby comes they have a change of heart? I guess its wishful thinking on my part. My other question would be is it right that I not contact his fiancee/wife and let her know what's going on I just figured I told him and allow him to tell his wife. Again I thank you all that have responded. I do read them and take in all the advice you give that's how I decided to keep the baby. I just needed support thanks!

Congratulation urbad on deciding to keep the baby! I am very happy for you and you are a very strong individual for doing so. I can only speak for the Air force on child support as my husband and I are from the Air force; the Air force is extremely big on child support and they will make sure he pays.

As far as telling his wife/fiance, well that's up to how you feel. This guy doesn't sound like he is going to tell her and one of a few things are going to happen; (1) she's going to be upset with and walk out (leave him) (2) she is going to be upset with you and accuse you of trying to ruin things for her (them). Just remember that you have the upper hand and you are in the right no matter what you decide. I would make sure I keep in close contact with the baby's daddy so you can go after him for support.

**IF it were me in your situation, I would go after child support and YES, I would let his wife/fiance know, regardless of what she may say or think. In any circumstance, it would definitely stir some emotions and make things harder for him on his side. **

Thank you all especially Missakira! I am going through it right now, just imagining them together it kills me. I know I should't want him and know it would never work out but it still hurts. He is in the airforce and she works for the airforce also. Right now I am trying to figure out if I tell his family ( they don't about me obviously) do they have aright to know??

By the way... If I were to tell his wife which I am very hesistate to do. I don't know what is the proper way to go about doing so? I was thinking about telling her if I do before the baby is born via email? He is about to get deployed in couple weeks.

There really is not a proper way of doing so but there is a right way, it should be done with as much kindness as possible seeing that she had nothing to do with yours and his relationship other then being his wife, I would tell her that you will give a DNA test and you do plan to seek child support. And tell her you thought she should know and you did not know that he was with someone at the time when you started seeing each other

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Originally Posted by urbad1

Thank you all especially Missakira! I am going through it right now, just imagining them together it kills me. i know I should't want him and know it would never work out but it still hurts. He is in the airforce and she works for the airforce also. right now I am trying to figure out if I tell his family ( they don't about me obviously) do they have aright to know???

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You are very strong! I think if you do decide to tell his family, there might be a little persuasion on their part that would at most would make him take care of the child. However, on the negative side of things, the family could side with their own blood and say mean things (e.g.promiscuous, home wrecker) just absolutely mean and hurtful things. Of course you know the truth and eventually it will come out by DNA test and they will look bad, not you. As far as how you tell his family, if you able to stomach doing a face to face public meeting, that would be the better way. If you have a really close friend or someone you can trust, bring them along in the event they should get a little agitated.

As far as the wife is concerned, well sadly she will not have any ties to the child as much as the father and grandparents are concerned. From a girl point of view, the first thing I would ask for if you told me this is proof. Women want something they can see. LOL If you are going to go to the wife, it would be nice to have photos, texts or something that proves you and her husband/fiance shared some communication. Then from there, she will have no doubt in her mind that you are in fact pregnant with her fiance/husband.

I am going to be honest, you need to try and keep yourself stress free! However, you are acting very mature and I know that what you decide to do is because you felt it was best. Things may get ugly, not going to lie to you, but in the end it will all come out and you will win; if you will.:D

If any body saw my previous post " pregnanted and Dumped" this is an update. I am pregnante from a " Jim" . Jim is suppose to get married tomorrow. He knows and doesn't want anything do with the baby and me. I just found out on Monday that he was also sleeping with another woman while we were together and is currently still seeing her. The over woman " Sara" was PO when she found out about me and him being engaged. Tonight she called the fiancé at the hotel ( they are getting married in vegas) and told her about herself and me and possible pregnancy from both of us. )We both found out about each other on Monday and since then tried to get hold of the fiancee). The fiancée was very calm collected and only asked how long this was going on for. Sara answer truthfully, "eversince he was deployed here "( he is in the military, the fiancé lives oversea). The fiancé handed the phone to Jim. Sara asked Jim if he was sorry- felt bad- remorseful etc he just replied "Yea" and whined " why don't you just leave me alone?" Were we right to tell her day before her wedding? She didn't seem to care by the tone is her voice and emotionless response. I know we have no room to judge but we are doubting if we should have told at all now?

Jim will legally owe child support to you and to the other woman if she also is pregnant. Others here will tell you what to do next.

Please don't start a new thread if and when it is still really related to the other.

I have merged them,

I have also moved to legal forum since I believe you are also looking for some legal advice

If he still wants you to leave him alone then do it. You can't file for support or anything until the baby is born anyway. Then as soon as the baby is born get your lawyer in court to have the judge order the DNA test and when it comes back positive then he will be ordered to pay support. You will only be causing yourself more problems by continuing to contact him. Believe it or not he can file harassment charges (not saying that you have contacted him that much but if he has to tell you more than once to leave him alone he can start a file on you with the police department). When he shows up in court after the baby is born it will be up to him to ask for visitation from the judge. If he wants it the judge can order it if he does not want it you can't force it. The only thing you can force is the child support. He is in the military so it won't be hard to collect the support payments should he decide not to pay them as ordered. Good luck to you and the baby.

I think you should talk to a counselor and make an intelligent decision based on what is best for you and all of your children instead of making an emotional decision.

You are a single mother of three and I can only imagine how difficult that must be.I was a single mom of two and I was overwhelmed.

How do you afford to do that?

Where do you get your money from?

Are you rich because if your not you should think about how your emotional decision may affect your three children.

There are options and if you are adverse to abortion,there is adoption.

If you believe having this baby will bring this man to you,it is very unlikely from everything he has indicated.He is getting married!

Should you tell her a week before you are due to have the baby No!
She is an innocent party here,please try to remember that.

I would never tell anyone to not have a child but I would say to anyone please investigate all of your options.