Fell for my best friend, everything fell apart
So, my best friend and I fell for each other. I didn't mean for it to happen and at first tried to put thoughts of her aside as to not risk losing our friendship, but eventually it became this irresistible thing. She broke up with her boyfriend, who had cheated on her, and we got together.
It was the best thing; kissing her, holding her, laughing with her, everything with her--she was my best friend, and it felt right. I wondered why it hadn't happened before.
But then something happened. Things didn't feel right, and I didn't know what to do. I wondered if we'd made the right choice. It was pretty distressing, but I tried, because I cared about her. And eventually things became great again.
But then, of course, as I wouldn't be writing in here otherwise, things began to fall apart again, and I didn't know why. I kept blaming myself, trying to figure things out. She said she wanted a break and focus on herself, and school and things. I felt pretty miserable and tried to get her back, but she was so adamant and cold about not wanting me. It didn't make sense, my mind was scrambling. Just days ago things felt so right. We were happy, we would laugh, we were so alive. At one point she even told me she wanted to marry me, and though it seemed like a lot to me at first, I thought, if with anyone, her.
For the next few days I tried to give her space, but we still talked. She told me she loved me, and things. One day she was going into surgery and told me she'd be staying at her dad's afterward. We sent each other messages before and after, via text. Then, her ex texted me, twice, which seemed strange as I hadn't talked to him in a while. He someone didn't know about us, which I felt bad about, yes. I texted him back and it was a facetious little exchange. I asked him, eventually, what he was up to, and--he told me he was with her, at her apartment, taking care of her. My heart sank, and I didn't know what to do. I just laid there for a moment and then asked him, calmly, if they were back together, to which he replied that he guessed so, and then started joking about other things.
What ensued is pretty effed up. It turns out she'd been seeing him on-and-off while we were together, unbeknown to either of us. I was in shock and full of anxiety. How could someone I cared for so much, for so long, do something like this? She wasn't just a girlfriend; she was my best friend and the closest person to me.
She lied and she lied, and ended up telling me that she had never fully gotten over her ex, and that she had been confused and torn. Despite him cheating on her, after everything was revealed, she seemed to have chosen to try to work things out with him, not me, and pushed me away. She was horrible to me, and I just couldn't even gather myself. I guess in some ed up logic, they were even, and I had just been used by my best friend; thrown away.
I tried to get over her and ignore her, but she kept calling me and sending me messages via text, Facebook, e-mail. I succumbed after a while and talked to her on the phone a lot and we said a lot of things. She says she made t he wrong choice, that she was so sorry and missed me and wanted to take care of things in her life so that we can start over. We even laughed and it felt nice again. But then I realized how I was losing vision of what she'd done. Things had become skewed, and nothing ahd been resolved. What I was feeling was a quick fix, so to speak.
What I need is time and space away from her. I told her this, and she asked how we'll know we'll be ready to start talking again. And I don't know, how can I? and I hate it. She is someone I wanted to take care of and love and make laugh. We have so many little things between us, and I'm reminded of her in everything. How could I be without her, I think, but then, how could she have done this? I don't want to move on, I don't want to be without her, but I didn't do this.
She continues to call and send messages, but as much as I want to hear her again and see her again, I don't answer. It's a lot to deal with. I can't believe how hard it gets. But I do feel I need to look elsewhere. I don't think I can trust her.
But at the same time, I wonder, am I doing the right thing?
She's not ready for a relationship
I've been friends with this person for five years. Best friends. She was in a pretty bad relationship for a couple years and toward the end of it we started to have feelings for each other. Out of nowhere, really, it was super platonic before.
Anyway, she broke up with him and we got together, and at first it was perfect. But then it started to fall apart, and I don't know why. She said she's not ready for a serious relationship yet, but that she does love me. We tried to be just friends, but we were still having sex and were still doing everything that people that are together do. But she maintained that we're just friends, and that she wasn't ready to commit.
This confused things more and more and it honestly made me start to panic. I started to wonder if I'm being strung along and if she'd ever be ready. And thus, we started to argue more and more and things just weren't right; we weren't the people we fell for.
It got so bad, our arguing, that I told her I needed to not talk to her for a while. That our trying to be friends when I'm in love with her has really caught up to us. We're just falling apart and it's killing me. She told me I was wrong for not talking to her, but I didn't see what good could come of us continuing to try to be just friends, because obviously that wasn't working.
I haven't spoken to her in a few days. She messaged me that I was making the wrong choice, but I don't know, I didn't respond. I miss her and I love her and wish we could be together. I don't know what to do at all..
Is she just not love me the way I her? Does she really just need time after he serious relationship? How does this even work?
She's my best friend and I always want to be with her.
