Hello,
I have been divorced for almost 6 years. My two kids have always lived with me, I have full custody. At this time there father has 30 day's in the summer. He has moved from here to his home state many times and doesn't actively get involved with the kids. I have never had a good relationship with my parents. I've tried to let them be a part of the kids lives because I wanted my kids to have "grandparents". They aren't your ideal parents. Very controlling, and will say bad things about the kids dad in front of them. When I asked them to stop, they didn't. So decided not to take the kids to there house any more. I got remarried and want to move closer to my husbands new parents. My ex (the dad) just moved here again for the 4th time in 6 years. Because he just moved back and is sad about my new marriage he is trying to fight the move. I got promoted/transfered with my job and my husband got a new job that pays better. My husbands family all live were we want to move.
Since my ex was upset about the move he befriended my parents and started taking the kids to there house. He knows how they are, and now they are all talking bad about me in front of the kids. I want him to be involved in the kids lives, but he is making it hard on everyone. Especially the kids.
So now my parents have requested grandparent visitation threw the courts. They have my ex lying for them. And they are all working together to try to take the kid away from me as much as possible and provent me from moving. A child and family investigator got involved and we haven't got the report back. I do know that she contacted the school and day care and got news that I'm the only one that drops the kids off or picks them up, or attends parent teacher confrences. They didn't know who my ex or my parents where.
What are my chances of moving with my children. Still giving there dad the 30 day's that are in the papers even though while he is living here they have gone everyother weekend? And what are the chances of my parents getting any visitation when they have never been alone with the kids and don't have a good track record with my child hood?
Thanks,
Tink

First, your relations here are a little garbled. I gather that both you and your ex have remarried and you now want to move nearer your new in-laws.

From what you have said, I think you stand a good chance. Frankly, based on what you have said, you do not need to get the courts permission based on the currently in force agreement. The only way you could not move is if your parent's petititon has gone before the court and you have been enjoined from moving until that petition is decided.

I would consult your attorney, if you can make the move before any court order saying you can't, you will be in a much better position. If its too late, you need to petititon the court for a quick decision so you can take advantage of the career opportunities being offered to you.

You didn't ask, but I think you really need to have a sit down with the kids. Explain to them, that you and their father couldn't find a way to live together but that it had nothing to do with them or the type of person you and their father are. Tell them you are not responsible for what other people say about you, but you hope they judge what others say by the experiences they have with you.

You are right, we have both moved on and are both remarried. And I'm trying to move closer to my new inlaws.

Unfortunately I spoke with my lawyer when I wanted to move, and he said in our state (CO) you have to petition the courts to move no matter what the custody is set up as. He was the one that got the custody agreement as 30 day's in the summer due to my ex's constant relocation. Once I petitioned to move, then my ex filed to have custody of them. I need to point out that even though we live in the same state he lives almost 2 hours from were I live. So he does not get involved in any school or extra activities. And if the courts did give him custody they would have to change schools. And that is the reason he is saying I should stay is so they don't have to change schools. The schools in the state we want to move are much better according to sites on the web and the booklets I received from both districs. I did give all this information to the child and family investigator.

As far as my parents, will they be granted any time in this whole mess? How often are grandparent granted time? Will the truth of there lies come out to the investigator? And can the grandparent visitation weigh any on the case submitted for the move?

I did sit down with the kids and had a talk with them before the investigator came out. I told them that they needed to be honest with this lady and that she is here to help them. That nothing they say would hurt there dad's feeling or my feelings. We then talked about how we need to speak up for ourselves and not listen to bad things being said about any one and form our own oppinions. My oldest has been very questioning about why my ex and I got divorced latley since his dad has been back in the picture. He was away for about a year and a half the last time he moved. I didn't explain to my child the details of why we got separated just that we couldn't live together.

Grandparents rights have been gaining lately. I don't know what the climate is in your state, but your attorney should be able to tell you.

But, it sounds to me, like you are doing everything right and your ex doesn't have a leg to stand on. I can just see this scenario:

Judge: you are protesting their move because it will cause a hardship for the kids by forcing them to change schools.

Your Ex: yes your honor

Judge: but if I were to grant you custody, wouldn't they still have to change schools?

Your Ex: Uhh, yes your honor.

Judge: so this isn't really about making sure they don't change schools?

Your Ex: Uhhh no your honor

Case closed!

Most family courts tend to side with the mother unless unfitness can be shown. I don't see how that can be if what you are telling is is accurate. Therefore, I really don't think you have much to worry about.

The problems grandparents have often occur after a bad and spiteful divorce... may I suggest that grandparents' visitation be included in your divorce decree[ for you are going to revise the decree considering your new circumstances]... the grandparent can do so by applying to the courts... there are national organizations that are willing support grandparent visitation listed are two : Grandparents Rights Organization (GRO) this organization is based in Birmingham, Michigan... and one in New York Foundation for Grand parenting... also contact the National Conference of Commissioners on Uniform State Laws their attempt is intended to investigate the problems that are associated with grandparents rights... now this is what going on with the grandparent issues...

You are ordered by the court to give their father visitation for 30 days... it is not the court business on your sub issues that he left the state...

You will need the father OK in moving out the state with the children that are products of his union with you and if he desires not to work with you... you can go to court and bring the issues of your new marriage and husband needing to with his family and new job... the father can ask for his children but the issues that the court will bring is he capable of handling and caring for his children... he has to proved provider care... the grandparents must be of good health... if he is using them as his care providers... the courts will give attention to many facts... the reason for his change of heart; he is jealous of the new man in your life; for your future reference Supreme Court legal decision: Troxel vs. Granville (99-138) 530 U.S. 57 (2000) 137 Wash. 2nd 1, 969 P.2d 21, affirmed.[June 5, 2000] this opinion of O'Connor, J.
Website address http://supct.law.cornell.edu/supct/html/99-138.ZO.html

You are clear that you are over the issues that brought an end to marriage... I suggest that you continue... bring that negative opinion to court and the decision will not be to your liken... suggest give the attention to the issue of the grandparents... do not deny your children of their moral right to them... talk to the grandparents... hold a point fine system for any abusive words use by both of you against the other.. be the better person... but hold your ground that you should follow your husband and his need to improve his life...
I am stopping now and will be back to address the other issues in your question...

thank you for your input. It helps a lot. I'm getting nervous because the child and family investigator should have her report done in the next week, and I've heard that courts weigh heavly on what she writes up?? That is what my lawyer said any way?

do you know IF my parents do get some kind of visitation, do you know what is standard? They have not put it in writing what they are asking for. But they are upset that I didn't invite them to my wedding and I already told them I don't want them a part of my life. I have a very bad childhood. =( So I heard threw the grape vine that they want the courts to make me invite them to functions at my house. I haven't asked my lawyer yet, cause every call is $$$$. But they can't get awarded that, can they?

No... Privacy issues

That is good to know they can't get awarded that. I'm not trying to sound mean by saying my parents shouldn't be around my kids. Believe me, I tried to have many talks with them about comeing to get the kids. But they never have wanted to spend time with the kids. It's always about controlling what I do. And there request threw the courts is really an attack at controlling my life. They've never wanted to be alone with them, and that is part of the reason they are going threw my ex. So they don't have to be alone with them, and so they can make me mad. I had a extremely hard childhood, and don't want to see my kids suffer the same pain I did and still do from them. So please don't think I'm against all grandparent's. I have wonderful inlaws that love my kids to death and wonderful friends and there parents that have been more "grandparents" to my children then my parents.
I just can't imagine how a court can grand them "visitation" when they have never been alone with them. Does anyone have a answer to that?

According to the supreme court my dear you have that right to deny visitation to your parents... if your parents... their grandparents are shown unfit... according to you they are unfit... are their demands for visitation unreasonable... the court will determine that fact... if this goes to court...

So do I need to dig up all the proff I have on them being "unfit" or they going to take my word on it? I have read threw the troxel case before, and it sound's like I have a good chance. I also looked up the GRO that you suggested. I had been to that web sit before as well as the AARP advice. All of them state to try to work things out before running off and starting a court battle. And that is exactly what they did, cause I offered for them to pic the kids up once every month or two for a couple hours. That's when they befriended my ex and went to a lawyer to start this court hearing. I was trying to let the kids see them IF the kids wanted to and to let them make their own judgment call about my parents. Now they have taken it to far... I don't think they are remember who get's hurt, the kids! =(
I'm sure a court hearing isn't to far off after this child and family investigator gives her report to the courts. Do the courts weigh there decition on what the investigator comes up with? How hard would it be to fight if she thinks they should have visitation?

It’s over... the investigator will report you and your husband fit... investigator also has to approve your parents and your ex-husband... investigator will check with their/and your neighbors, jobs, etc... he... your ex husband can allow them... your parents... visitation doing his time... the courts should ask for guidance through family counselors... make sure to suggest more than one decision and more than one investigator... issues of bias will and have been expressed through some investigation... so just keep on it... remember it is a moral issues rather our parents need to see and experience their grand children... however I do have a few questions... was there any physical abuse... were you a runaway... are there anyone that can support your opinion on the fact that your parents are abusive... proving unfit is not a easy journey so be prepared...

The court will not take your word on ANYTHING. So don't say anything you can't backup with facts.

Well the report came back, and it's not promising. The report suggest that we don't move, and that my parent get the kids 4 weekends a year only on my time. When my lawyer had stated before that it wouldn't be over night because the kids had never been there over night. I did talk to my lawyer and have an appointment with him next week.
There was physical abbuse only my mom and not my dad. They are still married. Mental abuse from both of them. There is records with the school some where from when I was in high school. I don't know how to get a hold of those, they are over 10 years old?? Any advise on that?
Also I talked to a safe house in the state I was living in with my ex. He was military at the time and they advised that we get move on base for the safety of me and my family. The base did approve that. Here again we are looking for records that are 9 to 10 years old. Probably hard to dig up??
I did try to get in to foster care when I was in high school as well. I called Social services, but my parents threatened that if I leave that they would get me back and I would suffer. So I never pursued it. I beat myself up every day on that one.

First, you say the report "suggests" that you don't move. It sounds like its not prohibiting your move. It also sounds like the investigator didn't do that thorough a job if he believes that your parents should have visitation.

So you next step appears to be to petition the court to allow the move.

Your right, it's just a "suggestion" but my lawyer said when I talked to him that the judge usually agrees with these suggestions. Should I get a new lawyer that sounds like we have a fighting chance. Or trust his opinion since I've worked with him for 4 years?
I know nothing is set in stone tell the court papers go threw, and I know even then we can appeal it.
I am really wondering what my chances are at this point?

A judge will "usually" agree with the suggestion of such a report. So your job (with your attorney's help) is to show why the suggestion is not good. You have to prove the abusive nature of your parents. If you can do that, then the whole report becomes questionable.

So there is a way to prove the suggestion of the investigator? My husband wants to get a second opionin as far as a lawyer. And possibly a second report. There is so much that is back and forth threw out the report. And they say I need a phyciatric evaluation. It almost reads that if there were evaluations done of all parties this whole report would be throw out the window. I have an appointment with my lawyer tomorrow and I'm going to see if he can't point me in the right direction for a phyc evaluation. Cause her reasoning for me being phyco was because I don't like my parents. But she had no proof or no reasoning beyond that.

Another quick question? Me and my current husband are going to have another baby. IF the court award visitation of my two children from my previous marriage. Is there any way for them to award visitation of the baby as well?
I read that kids in a home with both parents can not be part of a grandparent visitation case??