I want out of my marriage - but I want to keep my house & custody of my child - I have been in a relationship with my husband for 16 years (lived together for 5, married in 1998). My husband abuses perscription pills & cannot hold a job. He has been arrested for DWI a few times & has also been arrested for writing false perscriptions - although these offenses were several years ago. He continues to abuse Vicodin and my father,a doctor tells me that opiates have the highest relapse record - which is true. We have a 7 year old daughter. He goes through money like nobody's business! He steals my credit cards,he opens accounts in my name! I inhereted some $ in 2003 & 2006 (although most of it is almost gone now) - I did have a pre-nup signed that he would not get any inhereted $. He has been out of work this time for over a year….he continues to take pills & has no desire to get a job - won't even help to keep the house clean. I have been employed with the same company for 10 years and make pretty good $ - I don't think it's fair that I work all day, & come home to him sitting in the same spot I left him in - ashtray next to him. Our daughter goes to a private school that she absolutely loves & I do not want to take her out of it - If it were just she & I, I could afford to send her there (without any support from him) - but with him stealing my credit cards and running up bills each month, eating all our food & smoking 2 packs of cigarettes a day, I'm not making it - I don't think SHE should have to suffer because of HIM! Seems like I always put him first in everything & I think it's time I need to stand up & say No! I need to think about my child and what is best for her! I got up enough nerve in 2005 to ask for a divorce, but he wouldn't leave….I'm scared that if I leave (say go my parents) that in someway will be seen as abandonment & I won't have a chance to keep my house or my daughter - what should I do?

This is going to be a very tough relationship to get out of. I am no legal expert though I have gone through a similar situation. My sons father was the same way only we weren't married. The advice I'm going to give you is going to be very unpleasant and probably very hard for you to do but remember, you're keeping in mind your daughters best interest. You could call the police on him when you know he has illegal prescription drugs. That will get him out of the house long enough for you to go to the courts, ask for a protection from abuse because of his addiction. And then your next step would be filing for divorce. You wouldn't even have to keep the P.O but you would at least get a temporary one to buy you some time to get him out of your house. The rest would be decided in Divorce Court and through mediation. I know that this sounds very vindictive but the truth is, a child growing up in a home with an addict IS abuse. Your husband needs help and you've been enabling him to continue on with his addiction. Maybe this would be enough of a rock bottom for him to seek the help he needs. I had to have my sons father removed from our home 3 times by the police and he is currently in Prison on drug related charges that occurred after our separation. Best of luck to you and your daughter. My heart goes out to anyone in a relationship with an addict. Not only is your daughter suffering but I know that you must be suffering too.

LsMom,

That was a really, really good post.

I think sometimes we get so used to living a life with someone with an addiction, it becomes 'normal'.

To Hippy, when I first read your post, I too thought, you need to put your daughter first, line up your ducks with a lawyer, and do what you have to do to secure a life for yourself and your daughter.

I realize it isn't easy, and you want the house and custody. Reasonable. However, if you were to leave, with your daughter, and go to your parents house, for all the reasons you've written here, I can't see how that would be seen as abandonment. I would think that you would get consideration for removing your daughter from an unsafe environment. With any luck, the move would only be temporary.

Cancel the credit cards immediately- all of them. Someone might correct me on this but once a separation agreement is in place, and he opens another one up in your name, you are not responsible for it, as that would be fraudulent.

But the first step is a lawyer. Get some information to put a plan together, and do what you need to do. The longer you avoid doing this, the worse its going to get.

Well first the house, may or may not, that is what lawyers and judges are for, no one can tell you what can happen.

Custody, he may also get joint custody but would have to live in an area close enough to the school for the child to go there,

Or you may have to buy out his interest in the house to keep it, ( if there is any equity in it right now)

Also you may, since he is not working even have to pay spouse support for a period.

And to be blunt, until you start the divorce process, file and ask for everything, it is hard to say what will or could happen

Thanks to you all!