My boyfriend and I have been together 4 about 4 years, at first we had a great sex life, we have had a lot of problems, when we meet I was a very bad place in my life, I was on drugs and had no real home life, he just got out of prison, he was in for 10 years, he was a drug dealer, and he sold me drugs, but once we got to know each other, he said that we needed to change our life around, that we could do it together, he said that he loved me and that I was a good person and we could have a real nice life.. so I quite smoking crack, and he quite dealing drugs, I moved in with my mother, and after a year we moved in together, after that he changed, he was my rock and never said any thing to hurt me the whole time I lived at my mom's, but when I moved in with him, he started to say thin's like.. I wish that I never gave you a ride, I wish I just left you on the street where I found you, just look at you, no one wont's a crack head, who won't some one like you... I was so hurt because I was so proud of myself and I wonted him to be proud of me... any way back to the sex part, we won't have sex with me, he say's he don't love, he say's he don't won't me any more, but he won't let me leave, does not let me have friend's at the house, cause he pay's all the bill's, so I don't have a say about any thing like that, but I tell him that if I get a job that I can help pay the bill's but he will say ;no'.. please help me, I don't know what 2 do, I don't have any where to go, from the time I moved in with him, he made sure to keep me on a short string, no job no car, no friends,. so if I leave him, I'm back on the street where he found me... I love him cause he saved my life, but what kind of life is this? When I quite smoking crack I WONTED TO LIVE!. I just won't to be loved and love, he does not even take me to the store... maybe he don't won't any one to see us together, I know he is not seeing someone else, all he does is work and come home...

He is an abuser and you need to get out as your life will never change with him.Verbal abuse is equally as bad as physical abuse.
That is usually the next step in the progression.Someday he will be doing that as well.

Either way ,you have no future with this man,as you said,it is no way to live.

Most cities have a woman's shelter and there you can learn the skills you need to independent living.

They will help you with resources to get your life together so you do not have to depend on an abusive man.

Why he does not want to sleep with you should be the least of your concerns and my question is why would YOU want to sleep with him?

Please use the link I am providing and regain yourself respect and make a move to have the kind of life you deserve.

National Domestic Violence Hotline

You deserve someone better. You changed your life around, and you need someone who is very strong to support you in your decision- someone for you to lean on, and someone to love you. A man who was in prison for 10 years isn't going to be the best man to support and encourage you, as he has problems of his own to work on. If I were you, I would leave. You don't like where you're at, and there is a man out there who would gladly help you, support you and love you- a man that you deserve. Don't worry about having sex with a verbally abusive man who doesn't love you. Instead, put forth your effort in finding a healthy relationship that will give you a better future. Show this man the door, or pack your things and leave. You do not deserve this kind of treatment. It may be hard, but sweetie, you need to be happy. Who cares what other people think?

You should do two things:

1. Leave him before things get worse.
2. Read the site rules. NO CHAT SPEAK. Type in proper English. Any further chat speak will be deleted.

Thank you for the kind word's, I can't go to a woman's shelter cause I am on probation and they won't take me.. that was the first place I called,and I don't care what any one think's about me, I hold my head up high every day... some times I think the street would be better than this, and the sex was just a way for me to ask some one for the real help I need.. I have never used a site like this be4

Just a reminder, HE didn't stop smoking crack, YOU DID!!

You have the power in you to do something better with your life, you have finally found your feet. There is a reason that AA asks that you don't date until you have been clean and sober for a good amount of time.

Return to AA, you will need more support than we can provide as in addition to dealing with your emotions, you have the additional stress of trying to stay clean.

Please contact your local AA, and as Artlady said, a Domestic Violence shelter in your area.

Do you have missions in your area?

Sorry about the ' CHAT SPEAK'.. let me go read up those rules

I know that I am a strong person, and a part of me understands how much he hurt's me, but he also saved my life, if this man had not come a long at that time in my life.. I would be out on the street smoking, giving my body away for drugs.. or dead..

I have to have a address on file at my probation office in order to stay out of jail, I can't go to jail. I have a new grandbaby on the way and my other grandbaby is only two years old and I do not won't to miss any time with them.

He has served his purpose in your life, he is treating you poorly.

You have done much to straighten out your life, don't let him drag you down into a new place.

You may have saved you and maybe he had different expectations for the future and for your lives, maybe he is the only truly disappointed, but don't let his abuse drag you back down when you worked so hard to stand up for yourself. You did that, he motivated, but YOU DID IT!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by lost2muchtime

I know that i am a strong person, and a part of me understands how much he hurt's me, but he also saved my life, if this man had not come a long at that time in my life..i would be out on the street smoking, giving my body away for drugs..or dead..

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You saved your own life,period.

If you did not want to recover ,you would not have.

Even if you want to believe he saved your life,the fact is now he is not and he is making your life miserable and he is an abuser.

I see from another post you made that you have adult children.
You should go stay with them until you can be independent.

I read the rules. Thank you.. I was just so much in a hurry to get my question answered before he get's home.. bless you all and have a great day, you all helped me today

Yes I have grown kid's, both my boy's are in the army and are over seas at this time, my 18 year old is at her fathers house, my mother and father have passed a way and I am an only child,please do not think I won't any one to feel sorry for me, cause I do not feel sorry for myself , just giving you the fact's of my life..

Thank you for understanding about the rules.

Since your question is more about your (unhealthy) relationship with this man, I've moved it from Adult Sexuality to the Relationship forums.

This way you will get more answers that will be better able to help you.

One other option that I would like to suggest is to get in contact with your church. If you are not religious, contact Lutheran Social Services or Catholic Social Services. You do not need to be part of their religion to get help from them, and they may be able to direct you to more resources.

Also, is it possible to get more options from your probation officer?

Yes. A lot of churches, pastors and pastor's wives gladly help people who are in need. This could be a good place to look.

OK, let me say this, my kid's love me and yes they would have me if they could, I raised all my kid's by myself, from the time I was 15, I was a great mom, I lost my way in life when my father died, my husband left me, and my life went to hell, my boy;s were grown and my daughter just move in with her dad, cause she was getting out of control she is scared of dad, not of mom.. I had a job all my life.. I took care of my kids' and myself.. this is the first time a man has had control of my life... I was on drug's for 2 years... dont think I'm just a crack head like you see on TV, sometime real life is different

I'll see about the church, thank's.. have to go, have a nice day to one and all

My mother was a nurse, she ended up a 'crack head'. I hope you don't read any stereo types into my words.

Conquering an addiction takes great strength. You had to get that strength somewhere, I think you are giving him too much credit for what you accomplished.

I am quit sure the social services in your state, or county, has better options for you to break away from this convicted felon, who is an abuser, though you both seem to have turned your lives around. I understand being grateful to him, but not to the point of being abused, and controlled.

Others before you have done it, so can you. You just need to be willing to leave, and get the right people behind you, and that starts with housing yourself, and working for yourself. I am sure that a shelter, or church group can help if you let them, or your local health, and human resources.

You have come to far than to just quit now.