I am 24 years old.. its been 2 years since I got married.. we live with my inlaws all time.. I ve so many issues with my husband's parents and his 2 elder sisters.. from the day one they are the problem for me and I show that anger on my husband which he doesn't like.. his family doesn't like my husband spending money for me ,wheather it may be a on basic needs like dresses or sandals.. his 2 sisters are married they live in their houses some how our personal matters will be known to them through my mother in law. She discuss each and every matter with her daughters and they come to me asks all nonsense questions regarding things on which his brother(my husband)loves to spend for me.. I always ve such conflicts in my married life.. his sisters and his parents acts smartly in fornt of my husband as soon as he goes out they show their real faces with me.. my prob is I can't fight back am very sensitive and soft natured may be this nature makes them to always point fingures on me.. so many times I tried telling my husband he argues with me as if I ve done the mistake.. he don't believe what ever I say.. this really killing me every time,I ve married him for his good heart not for his money... always because of others he and me having clashes and our relationship it getting worse.. I don't ve freedom in this house,I don't ve rights to live my life lots of restrictions.. it looks so cheap for me.. am really worried about this I don't know how to deal with this tuff people.. somebody help me how to handle this in future.. I love my husband a lot he too loves me.. I don't want to spoil my life beause of third person, am so depressed.. what would be the solution?

Do you work? If you don't perhaps seeking out a job would help as you wouldn't need "his" money and save up for an apartment. I know it can be stressful living like that but unless you have an out, you kind of have to bite your tongue unless your husband steps up

That's a very difficult situation especially with having to deal with the inlaws all the time.

I think the first step is to have an open line of communication with just you and your husband - no other relatives. I would tell him that this living arrangement is bringing you a lot of stress and see if you can work things out to get a place for just the two of you. Try to avoid putting blame on his sisters or the inlaws as he will get defensive and it looks like that has been the reason for past arguments.

You are in a tough situation. You indicate that your husband spends some money on you, so I assume he has a job. Try talking privately with your husband and tell him exactly why you are not happy in his parent's household. In my opinion you and your husband need to move out and live in your own home. If he doesn't make enough money to make ends meet, then you need to find a job and contribute to the household.

Your name sounds Indian, is that where your from? How long will you live with the in laws? Is he obligated to take care of them?

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Your name sounds Indian, is that where your from? How long will you live with the in laws? Is he obligated to take care of them??

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I HATE it when you read my mind and then post before I do!

("What she said")

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Your name sounds Indian, is that where your from? How long will you live with the in laws? Is he obligated to take care of them??

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Yes am indian.. from bangalore.. I ve to live life long with inlaws, no way of getting out.. yes he is..

Difficult, but manageable. Since you're the newcomer, the stranger, your probably feeling isolated, and alone except for your husband. Probably intimidated too. It also sounds like the other females are a bit jealous. Take none of this personally, as they were probably that way before you got there.

That your husband pays you attention and buys you what you need is a good sign.

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My prob is I can't fight back am very sensitive n soft natured may be this nature makes them to always point fingers on me

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I would agree that you must stand your ground with them, and ignore them. While your husband may treat you well, he doesn't want to get between his wife, and his female family, so toughen up, and learn to take care of yourself would be my advice.

As for his mother, I doubt there will be any changing her, in time winning her over may be possible, but only if you make yourself open to her suggestions, and have some type of dialog where you can start to understand her, and gain a mutual respect.

I think it all hinges on you fitting in better by gaining respect thru standing up for yourself, and learning to defend yourself when your husband isn't around.

It is difficult, from a 'Western' point of view, to understand the meaning and implications of being married, and following ancient protocols which put you in a position of being far less than equal to your husband, and his parents.

That being said, you likely knew what you were in for before you married him. With both families negotiating your future and your life, you were not a passive bystander when you could have stopped the whole thing.

Now that reality has set in, and you are miserable, yet you know you are going to stay, you can only make the best of it in my opinion.

Why not speak to a religious advisor, or an elder person you can trust that is not family, and ask them what you can do yourself, to improve the living situation.

I think it is more likely than not you are going to have children, and it is in your best interest to know how much you can change, in order to establish some independence and peace in the household, before that happens.

I understand your need to vent, and I can sympathize with you, however, the help you need isn't going to come from a culture of people, particularly women, who cannot fathom living under such conditions.

I am not insulting you, just saying that lives are very different in different societies.

Is it possible for you to seek help and guidance outside the marital/family home?