I haven't dated in a long while (relationships just "happened" more spontaneously previously ), so I feel a bit rusty.

Colleague at work introduced me to his girlfriend's single friend. We started emailing & then texting. Arranged to meet up for a drink. Both had stuff on prior to Christmas, so sent some text messages sporadically and arranged a date to meet up.
She said that she'd be nervous, but she seemed fine. We found a bar, and we both had a drink. Things seemed to be going well; I wasn't gaming at all and being... well, myself. We talked a lot, and both maintained steady eye contact. It wasn't ferociously sparky or anything, but I hardly expected a first date to be anyway. She started drinking soft drinks as she was driving, and even bought the third round. We ended up talking for three hours, straight.
I have a pretty bad cold at the moment, so drinking wasn't exactly the best idea ever, but I didn't make a fool of myself and was lucid in conversation throughout.
She brought up looking at my Facebook page and had remembered my birth month, and had evidently browsed all of my photos (from conversation points). That red flagged me a bit, but only enforced my growing opinion that we both quite liked each other.
I walked her to her car, she suggested "definitely" meeting up again "soon", asked if I would mind talking on the phone before then, then we kissed goodnight.

I haven't heard from her since. I've texted her twice as I'm not really one for playing any waiting games.

It just seems a bit confusing. She knew a couple of my "not so fortunate" facets prior to meeting, so it can't be those, or so I think. I'd understand a no reply and a rude brush off, but it wasn't as if she made an excuse after the first drink, and she did bring up a second date & conversing before then.

I guess my questions is: Eh? I don't get it!

Why not call her instead of text?

Aye, that was my vague idea to try maybe in a few days time if nothing has materialised, thanks!

Yeah, call her! You seemed to click with her, so definitely! What a great way to start a new year! :)

Maybe don't get your hopes up too much. A friend of mine, will go on a first date with a man, and if she doesn't feel sparks and butterflies, she dumps them like a hot potato.

For some reason, she things the first date should set the entire tone. If she's not feeling a huge attraction, that is the end of it.

That's too bad not having the second date because impressions can be wrong, feelings can be 'off', anything could affect the date. She really sets herself up for disappointment.

I know with my husband, I thought he was the biggest jerk I'd ever met. It was only after a hand written letter that I softened and got to know him. The next 33 years are history.

I wouldn't give up just yet, but why not try something a little more old fashioned, or thoughtful. Pen and paper might just show a little more effort, and is far more personal than a text.

Definitely call her. Ask her out again. (not for drinks. This time do something a little more romantic and "date-like"... dinner maybe?) plus, when there isn't alcohol involved for anything to happen. Just make sure you're being cautious and taking things slow. The last thing you want is to get too emotionally involved after the second or third date. Get to know her better.

I'm just wondering if your text messeges delivered?

Give the call with a date in mind,if you get an answering machine give it a day to get a reply,then move on.

Things have moved on a bit from this. I ended up phoning her, but she didn't pick up, and never got back to me. Apparently the work colleague who "set me up" with her hasn't heard from her since either, so some emotion or other must've sparked within her.
Since then, I've been seeing a few other people, progressing further & further (date number wise, at least) as time went on. I'm currently seeing someone who I feel genuinely comfortable around, and feel a great affinity with. Unfortunately, she seems a bit lacking in confidence around romantic emotions and self image, which is a problem. I've tried boosting her confidence a bit by saying complimentary things about her, and stating that I genuinely enjoy spending time with her and think that she's a great person. Unfortunately this just seems to have pushed her away. She's been single for about two years after coming out of a five year relationship, so I guess she's running a bit scared in regards to getting hurt again, hasn't felt romantic emotions for a long time, etc.
I'm just not sure if I should just back off and cool it down a bit, but I also don't want her to think that I'm not interested. I know that the right way to approach this would to be honest with her, but I don't want my honesty to push her away either; help!

I think honesty is the best policy here,if she is nervous about becoming more involved knowing wjat you think about the situation and how you feel may put her at ease.

Keep in mind she may walk away,but practising honesty in a relationship will serve you in the long run.

Its easy to just assume that things will just work out if you keep doing the same things,but if you don't step out of your relationship comfort zone,nothing changes.

I'm not saying throw all your cards on the table! Just honest about your intention and what you would like to see happen.

Thanks, redhed35.
We had a good, adult, honest conversation. Found out that she has confidence issues with phones, hence why she didn't want to speak on the phone, but didn't dare to admit it. The overriding emotion from her seems to be a lack of confidence in anything intimate after having her heartbroken two years ago, and building up a wall around herself. (She obviously didn't initiate NC ;P). She said that she wasn't sure if she was ready for a relationship, which I accepted, but told her that I felt that I was ready for a relationship, and that I would like a relationship with her. Didn't want to put any pressure on her though, so said that I enjoyed things as they are, as we're both having a good time as it is at the moment.
So, even though nothing may come of this, at least I know where I stand (well, roughly!).
I'm fairly sure that I can guess how she's feeling from her reactions & responses, and we'll just have to take it very slowly if anything happens, but I daren't make any solid assumptions as I know how dangerous that can be!

Dating is for having fun getting to know someone. Yes definitely cool it down, and have fun without trying to push someone into a commitment. Whether you are ready and eager for a relationship or not, you never press for it, until you have paid attention, and gotten a take on who your dealing with, and trust me, no matter the feelings YOU may have, paying attention is what its about.

How can you learn someone, when you have an agenda, and a brain clouded with feelings, and human attractions? You can't really, and do need to look deeper than good smelling hair, or a great body. It takes time (more than a few dates) and what's the all fired hurry to just have someone?

Did I mention the fun part?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Dating is for having fun getting to know someone. Yes definitely cool it down, and have fun without trying to push someone into a commitment.

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Aye Tal, I agree. I let my endorphins get the better of me and got all caught up in the excitement of meeting a promising young woman. I know that I should just enjoy the moments & if anything develops, it'll develop of it's own accord, not of my choosing.

Looks like you have a good take on things.

I think in this situation taking your own advice is the best course of action.

Enjoy what's happening right now,don't make assumptions and let things develop at there own pace.

Whoops.
Things were going well until saying goodbye last night. I'd noticed that she very very rarely asks me any questions about myself; even if I asked her a general question, she'd never throw back a "and how about you?" I asked her about it, and she said that she never asks anyone any questions. I wondered how she got to know people and she replied with "just time, I guess". I don't think she knows very much about me at all.
We kissed each other goodnight. She giggled halfway through the kiss. This has been a consistent occurrence since we started dating. She apologised, to which I said that it was OK, and that I was getting used to it by now. Inadvertently, I blurted out "but I shouldn't have to be getting used to it".
Obviously, this was a bad and rather selfish thing to say, and I'm sure that it hurt her (which wasn't my intention at all), but sadly, it's the truth.
I guess I've totally blown it now, but I didn't want to get to the point where we'd been dating for x more months, and it hadn't improved.

Gee whiz, You can't just blurt things out, and not expect hard feelings from them, and you can't expect another to, in your words "improve" for you. Worse, never justify bad, and uncaring behavior, as being for the best. It's a lot better, and easier to deal with the quirks of others through straight, and honest discussion. A simple question of why does kissing make you giggle? Would be a non threatening approach to keep in mind.

Whether she forgives you, or not, is up to her.

As always, I agree, Tal.
Blurting that out was a thoughtless attempt of defense after a long & tiring day. I just didn't/don't want to be stuck in another relationship where intimacy is almost void. With the seeming lack of interest in me, and the lack of intimacy, I didn't want to be "used".
I'm not really trying to justify it; I hardly slept at all last night I felt so bad about it, and have been beating myself up about it all day. I hate hurting people, especially people I care about, no matter how long I've known them.
I asked her about it the first time it happened, and she said she didn't know why it happened. I tried pushing for a reason, so I could latch onto it, and call upon it whenever it happened again, but she couldn't give me any. I know that one could say that she doesn't have to give me a reason at all, but I guess I'm just more insecure than I thought I was.

I apologised properly, and admitted to being worried about getting hurt again. She ended up replying at 2am (waking me up) and saying that she had no idea what I was going on about & how she can't remember what I said that night.
Thought that I'd believe this (no point in assuming any other of a myriad of possibilities) and apologised if I was being a bit too intense. She then responded by saying that she's not sure if she can give me what I want.
I know that that message seems pretty clear. Maybe it's blind hope or something, but it slightly feels as if it's just insecurity on her side, and me pushing too hard on mine?

I can see you being insecure, and maybe needy, and IMPATIENT! I mean, when your having fun, relax and enjoy it, and save the deep stuff for a different time. At least that's what I would do, and I am at a loss to figure out why you have to have every question answered right now.

Relationships are an ongoing discovery of our partners, and there is no rush. Let some things develop on there own, and in there own time. Relax, don't be so pushy, as that causes a problem that's not even there.

I think it's because all of my relationships prior to the past year just happened more organically over time, instead of through "dating". As they happened over time, I knew them as a friend first, so I got to know who they were before romantic feelings really took hold. I guess I'm just expecting the same answers & commitment from a date, which is ridiculous, perhaps. I think that I get too deep into things, too fast, instead of being naturally aloof.
I can't seem to flick that switch from "serious straight away" to "casual fun". I just rush in and become too empathic straight away. I'm quite a caring person, so perhaps I need to tone that down a bit and just chill out without worrying so much?
Thinking about it, I'm normally fine when I'm actually with someone; it's only when they're not there (or it's coming to the end of the evening) that I worry, overanalyse, become insecure, mess things up. My own worst enemy, by far!

(Thanks again Tal)

Began seeing another girl a couple of weeks ago. Things are going nicely; it's fun & I enjoy our time together & there's no pressure for a relationship as such.
My only problem is that I'm not the best texter in the world, which I've told her a few times. But if I don't have the time to reply/check my phone for a few hours, she'll send a text saying that I'm turning her off & she likes me less if I don't text as much. Tonight we were due to go out, but I was running late from work & the gym, so forgot to check it until about an hour and a half before we were due to go out. She then sent a snotty reply saying that she thought I was acting "aloof", she didn't want to go out anymore because of it, but she was really looking forward to seeing me and spending the night kissing me, etc.

All I can see are red flags. Right?