I married my husband before I lived with him. I moved into his house, which is next door to his mom. Since then I observed that he has to see her everyday and talk to her on the phone numerous times throughout the day. She has come over to my house and has told me that I don't clean the way my husband likes it or that I don't cook the way he likes it. When I tell my husband this he tells me that she just wants to feel needed and I should do as she says. Since then I made my husband move to my house, far away. He continuously calls her and tells me he wants to move back home. She will tell him that she is ill and needs him there to help her. I have tried to talk to her (with husband there) and she tells me that she wants our marriage to work and she never tries to interfere with our marriage. Since then I have heard that she continually tells people Im a horrible person and my husband will be better off moving back with her. I know I love my husband but Im noticing Im starting to distrust him and Im not wanting to be around him. Is there any hope for this marriage to survive?

He and his mother are very close. Very close. What part of she's been a very big important part of his life all these years prior to you that you don't understand? You can either go with the flow and listen to him and her and have them run you and your marriage or you can bail out. There is no easy slam bang solution to this marriage. You must remember she will be gone (someday forever) but until that day happens your husband will call her up and speak to her and go and visit her. The dead giveaway was the fact that he lived next door to her. Didn't that tip you off that this was an extremely close relationship he has with his mom?

Yeah I should have seen that but I fell hook line and sinker and believed both of them that she would not interfer in our life together. I don't mind being close to family but I do mind being second in the lineup.

Denver - You could have one of the most wonderful marriages though. Is his mother married, widowed, divorced? If she is alone then most definitely you could have a wonderful marriage with both of them. If you genuinely like the woman, then most definitely you could come out of this situation a winner.

It's basically your attitude that needs changing because she and he have been together too long to change either one of them.

Be happy that you don't live in the SAME house as her and that she lives in her own house. Just think. When you have kids they will have a built in baby sitter.

When I was born my father and mother lived one house away from his parents. Dad was down at grandpa's house a lot. When I was growing up I would spend a lot of time with my grandmother learning how to cook, read, write, crochet, sew, etc. She taught me a lot. When supper time came around I would go home to my parent's house to see what mom was making for dinner and if I didn't particularly care for it I would go back to grandma's house and eat there. Best chicken and dumplings I ever ate. My ultimate favorite. Sad thing though. Grandma died when I was 5. Grandpa remarried but it was never the same with my loving wonderful step grandmother. She was nice and all but it was never the same.

You need to look at the big picture here in your life. If your husband and you get along very well about just about everything except for his mom then chances are pretty good that your marriage CAN make it. You just need to remember that she loves her son dearly and he loves his mom dearly as well. I'm surprised that he married you so he is normal and is not a mama's boy after all. He just wants you to love him and love his mom as well. Not hard to do. Who knows. You may just end up enjoying her company and learning many things from her. Don't pay any attention to any gossip you hear. She just needs a bit of cultivation like a garden and she will definitely bloom in your direction.

1) His relationship with his mother isn't going to change. As his wife, you're going to have to find a way to deal with it.

2) As your husband, he needs to understand that you are uncomfortable with the situation and try to work out a mutual understanding.

3) As a person, you have the choice of deciding whether you can continue such a marriage or choose the divorce route.

You're not in an easy situation. If you choose to try to work things out, then you really need to sit your husband down and work out a compromise. Because continuing such a situation will only cause more rift and distance.

Try marriage counselling if you have to do. Either way, don't drag out your current situation and try to do something about it. If one method doesn't work, then try a diffirent method.

She is widowed. In the beginning we did get along. She pushed us to get married. She told me that the reason was because I had a job and he didn't. I was responsible and he wasn't. I was independent and he wasn't. I agreed to move into his house after marriage and drove the commute to work (2hr drive). I paid for the rent (to his mom) plus my bills (which included another house payment) During our honeymoon she called everyday. Everyday she came over to the house and would tell me that I was doing things wrong. After a while I spoke with my husband and he went over to her house everyday. When I set him up to go back to school (which is what he wanted to do) his mom told him he couldn't go so he quit. The commute finally got to me and I moved closer to my job and he came with me. Since then I have found that his mom tells him that he needs to come home. She has been heard telling the family (by me and others) that I took away her boy and she hates me. Since then my husband doesn't talk with me. I have tried the compromise and told him and his mom that they should spend time together but she should not get involved with our relationship. I have heard from my husband that his mom needs him and he needs to go back to her.

I have found out that my husband is trying to move back home and is trying to get back together with another women that his mom likes.

I know as Im writing this that I sound pathatic, oh woos me but I do love my husband. There is so much more that his mom has done (as well as my husband). I know Im not innocent in all of this. I do know that Im head strong and very independent. I know that we have to compromise. But I don't know how to compromise when a husband only listens to his mother and not to his wife.

If he can't provide what you want and need in a marriage, then maybe it's time to find someone else.

I'm not really a fan of giving up on a marriage, but as long as his mother is in the picture, you're going to have to do a lot of compromising, especially since your husband doesn't seem to put you as a priority in his life.

Can you really accept the situation that you're in? I feel as though you deserve much better than this.

He is interested in getting back with someone who has his mother's approval? Sounds like the die is cast.

I am concerned that you "made" him move to your house. (I wish I could have "made" my husband do anything; instead, we discussed and one or the other of us compromised.)

How old is everyone in this scenario?

I'm wondering about the ages as well Judy.

I wish is right. You should be the priority in his life, he needs a chainsaw to cut those apron strings, and you need to really take stock of things and decide whether you want to accept this unnatural bond for a married, grown up man and his mother.

She picked you, things didn't work out the way she wanted, now she's picked somebody else.

I would probably try counselling, and see if your husband can husband up enough to set some serious boundaries with his mother. If that isn't going to happen, what choices do you have.

This is your life, Denver.

Thank you everyone. Counselling has been set up.