Ughh, I feel dumb even asking this, like I am 15 years old again (I'm actually 30), but it's been a long time since I've been in this situation and I am feeling uncertain here. I am not going into a long-winded explanation, so I will just give the basics. I have recently realized I have a crush on a guy, and while I feel like he might feel the same, I don't want my stupid giggly schoolgirl feelings to influence how I interpret his actions, especially because I think he is a pretty gregarious person in general. SO maybe some opinions from complete strangers would clarify things for me :)

Last week he called me to ask a work-related question (we work together, but different departments) that took all of 5 seconds for me to answer, and then we ended up talking about completely non work-related stuff for 45 minutes or so (this was actually after hours, so not on company time). Conversation consisted of a lot of banter and stuff about backgrounds, where we grew up, families, etc.

Also, he always sits next to me at meetings- there are usually about 50 people there, I get there before he does, and then during the meetings catches my eye several times and grins at me, or leans really close to my ear and whispers wisecracks. Also stops by my office several times a day to ask questions that could easily be answered by phone or email...

And when there is a weekend coming up, he always asks me several times if I have big plans, says that he is going out for drinks after work, then seems to get kind of nervous and stammer-y (which is kind of out of character for him)

I don't know if there is something here or if I am reading too much into this. Is this stuff guys typically do, or is there more to this?

Ughh okay, enough over-analyzing for me (I have soooo just reverted back to Jr. High! I am so embarrassed!) Does anyone have any thoughts on this?

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Originally Posted by simian

Ughh, I feel dumb even asking this, like I am 15 years old again (I'm actually 30), but it's been a long time since I've been in this situation and I am feeling uncertain here. I am not going into a long-winded explanation, so I will just give the basics. I have recently realized I have a crush on a guy, and while I feel like he might feel the same, I don't want my stupid giggly schoolgirl feelings to influence how I interpret his actions, especially because I think he is a pretty gregarious person in general. SO maybe some opinions from complete strangers would clarify things for me :)

Last week he called me to ask a work-related question (we work together, but different departments) that took all of 5 seconds for me to answer, and then we ended up talking about completely non work-related stuff for 45 minutes or so (this was actually after hours, so not on company time). Conversation consisted of a lot of banter and stuff about backgrounds, where we grew up, families, etc.

Also, he always sits next to me at meetings- there are usually about 50 people there, I get there before he does, and then during the meetings catches my eye several times and grins at me, or leans really close to my ear and whispers wisecracks. Also stops by my office several times a day to ask questions that could easily be answered by phone or email.....

And when there is a weekend coming up, he always asks me several times if I have big plans, says that he is going out for drinks after work, then seems to get kind of nervous and stammer-y (which is kind of out of character for him)

I don't know if there is something here or if I am reading too much into this. Is this stuff guys typically do, or is there more to this??

Ughh okay, enough over-analyzing for me (I have soooo just reverted back to Jr. High! I am so embarassed!) Does anyone have any thoughts on this?

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He obviously wants you, he most likely thinks you don't want him and if you don't he will be the one that will be embarressed being that you work at the same place! Go for it!

He wants you obviously, he most likely thinks you don't! And if you don't he will be the one who will feel embarrassed, given that you both work at the same place. Go for it!

Fishing off the company pier is sometimes a dangerous thing. It sounds like you two have a good chemistry, though, and you do work in different departments so it wouldn't be too ugly if things went south. (Sorry, the realist in me always has to weigh both sides of a topic). I say go for it. Flirt back or just ask him out. Guys suck at taking hints... especially at work. So you will probably have to be the aggressor here. Try getting a gang together for a happy hour on Friday. That will provide a safe, non-work environment for him to make his move. Plus, alcohol usually makes a great catalyst.

id say most of the time his behavior reflects a genuine interest. In some cases it might be simply he's very comfortable around you and nothing more.

have a hard time condemning work relationships, since I met my wife when she was an indirect supervisor where I was working... but there are always risks if there is a fallout.

that said, you might need to offer him a door to walk through... such as an invite to grab lunch together? Something like that. With all the worries of workplace harassment, a guy can't always be as forward as he wants, even if he thinks the other person might be interested.

I thought my wife was interested in me, but I knew she was dating someone. We ended up "hanging out" a couple of times together in a group... as in a couple of times for drinks after work and then together in the co softball games. Eventually we both eased into a place where we knew the other was interested. If it hadn't been at work and she hadn't been a supervisor I would have taken the leap much earlier. Maybe that's what's holding him back.

he clearly is comfortable around you and likes you. Worst case scenario is he wants to be a friend. Maybe if you can catch him at lunch you could get a clue. The lunch date thing is how I ended up dating another person before I dated my wife. It was a nice way to find out more about the person and didn't seem too "off limits".

or you could just nibble on his ear when he leans into you. That might work too. =) teasing.

You could always ask him to go to a coffee shop after work for a cup of coffee or on a weekend and see how he replies. If he says OK then you two will be alone to talk about interests and feelings or even just go for a walk at lunch for some excersise and just start with a talk and let things happen in its own time. You should let him know that you really enjoy his company and I am sure he will respond to that

He wants you, and you should ask yourself if you are attracted to him.

Says that he is going out for drinks after work, then seems to get kind of nervous and stammer-y (which is kind of out of character for him)

The next time he says this ask him where he goes and if he does not ask you to go, volunteer yourself to go. You could always ask something like: "Is there a group that goes" or "Do you go by yourself"... if he is into you he will get the hint, but if you really want to make sure that he gets the hint offer to buy him a drink.

It's always fun to feel like a school girl. But You are a woman now and what syou hould do is join him for drinks. This is your chance to see how he interacts with you outside of work. Do a little flirting and take it from there. Have fun!

He probably has some interest. Just be patient and continue to let it grow and develop. You sound like you'er doing well so far. Just continue to get to know each other. Take your time, no rush, no pressure.