I think I have a unique situation. I am the father of a 2 year old. His mother and I basiclly got married out of impulse when I was in the Army. We had our child About 4 months before I deployed to Iraq. And since then has lived in about 3 different places with my son and had him around about 3 different men (shes not portraying them as his father as far as I know). But now I am out of Iraq and the Army so I can be around for my son growing up, Because he is my pride and joy. We are about to begin our divorce process. She's always threatening me with things like it's a garuntee the courts going to give her custody because she's the mother and has been caring for him while I was deployed. But I have paid her child support while I was gone and continue to pay, but a lsser amount because I have him 50percent of the time. Now Im not saying she's a bad mother but she lives off 2 part time jobs and has just finally got her own apartment (instead of living with other men with my son) and Is pretty much on the brink of not being able to financially care for my son. And not to mention I think she has mental issues. I think she thinks her life is a TV show or something and is always posting stuff on the internet i.e. myspace and Facebook about our son! I don't agree with that at all. And scared that if we go to court and she gets physical custody she's going to use it as leverage against me all the time! And If I had custody(im much more mature) I would never use my son in such a way. So I thinnk Im going to fight for physical custody, but Im scared off losing and mybe losing some benefits I would get if I don't fight for custody. But I love my son, can care for him financially, can provide education guidance, shelter food clothing, and more love than ever! So I guess Im just really nervious of not being able to have a big part in my sons life... That's where I stand now... I thinnk. Thank You.

1. no unless it is court ordered you are not paying child support, you are merely giving the mother money to help with her and his bills.

If you live close enough to where she lives, there is no reason you should not get joint ( 50/50) custody of the child

She will threaten you and scare you ( for some reason) until you hire an attorney, file for custody of your son.

The court will decide custody, unless the two of you agree, and child support is based off income and custody agreements . **** depending on the state, each state does support different)

I have heard that if I try and fight for physical custody and lose I may lose some benefits that I may have gotten if I hadn't fought. And A lawyer is almost out of the question, but if it came down to it I would sell my car and get one that's how serious I am. I really don't want to do anything to "screw" his mother over, but I honestly believe he will be better off with me. I don't smoke, I drink mybe 2 or 3 beers a week. And she still partys like she's in high school. And her boyfriend smokes pot( I don't think she does) but I know my sons around it. I can't really prove it though. And Ive seen pictures from her of my son with beer bottles on the counters inn the background. My son has never seen me drink or seen a beer bottle around my house. And he even said to me one time when he saw a beer bottle "beer" he's 2! He shouldn't know that stuff.

Pure bull, you only get what you fight for and can't lose anything for trying to get fair,
And a lawyer is a must if you want to win, you really can't afford not to have one.

If you can't prove it, it does not happen in court.

So if you want your child, you need to stop talking and start fighting

Ok, I don't know where you got the idea that you could lose some benefits by fighting for custody. There is no reason you should.

Second, have you shopped around for an attorney? If not, how do you know you can't afford one? I will, however, slightly disagree with Chuck. If neither of you have an attorney you stand an even chance.But if she has one and you don't, there is a strong probability you will lose.

If you have those pics you described save them. But do NOT make any accusations in court that you can't prove definitively.

If you do fight for primary physical custody, don't fight reasonable visitation for her.

OK, will agree with scott but I will say that many states have very confusing divorce and custody laws, so without one to lead you though, it can be a harder road. ( such as listening to silly things like it can hurt to fight)

Also and hard to say, if you can at all come up with an attorney and she can't afford one, then you will be at a much better advantage