I'll start dramatically. I think I'm losing it. It's been almost one year and a half of playing this game with my ex-boyfriend of ego and feelings mixed together and no one admitting the truth. Well, I did, one and a half month ago and he left me hanging. No answer. He was supposed to come back from a trip and call me to go out and talk and after I emailed him with the truth of hurting because we're not really together and what I felt for him was real, he basically disappeared! I've been feeling so bad and been living in black for the past month. Can't see the future! Can't go on without him. It's the truth and there is nothing else I can do to reach out to him. I don't know how to move on..

Most normal humans have felt like they're losing it at some point, so welcome to the club called Life :o) which I hope reassures you that there's a way through this situation you're feeling.

None of us really needs anyone, though most all of us want someone special in our lives, because that can make life even better than it can be on our own. So if you had kept on telling yourself 'I need/I must have their love or else life is terrible and awful' and how 'I surely can't cope without them here' and how 'all of life is doomed forever because of this' then your mind will look for reasons to back that up if it can find them anywhere around you.

Notice what happens though if you say instead:
I've tended to think it would be better to be with this person than not to; maybe I was right, maybe I was needy. I coped OK before I met them, and I can cope OK without them, even though I'd prefer not to... and maybe someone even better is out there as soon as I assume they are... and smile about how cool I can be, to attract their attention before I speak to them...

And then, after noticing how differently you can feel after saying this to yourself (and repeat it often, would be my suggestion)... notice that you're the one left in the dark by him and that you've been choosing to live there by dressing in black and focusing on all the baddest possibilities too. That's understandable, of course, and there's a way out as soon as you accept that you don't get to tell him what to do or what to feel... and for whatever reason he has not responded to your overtures - and that's probably more about him and where he's at than to do with you... so relax a little more.

And I hope these words provide some shift inside, and that they are received in the truly well intended way they are sent in :o)

You are going to have to as life goes on whether he has disappeared or not. His silence speaks volumes,so find it within yourself to accept that the drama is over so that you can let yourself heal from the mess and get your life back.
Time to take care of you and get your selfrespect back.

Thank you both for your individual responses, both help in different ways...

I've been "in love" and got hurt before but not like this, maybe because I was too young then, maybe because this was really sth. I agree I have to start thinking in a different way about it and that now with all the drama gone(or the bleeding... ) ,my life seems actually EMPTY-no kidding. I never thought I could be broken hearted and now I'm acting like a 10 year old,I can't think straight and e.g. I fainted in a cinema because I thought I saw him during the break. This isn't normal and I never expected my feelings for him to be so deep.
Agreed, there is nothing I can do and I haven't contacted him further, I just seem not to be able to control my feelings and reactions and it's been almost two months..

This will pass with time-one day at the time-keep busy doing things you enjoy and make sure you spend time with friends and family.
Take good care of yourself.

Once you accept that he wasn't interested, you will have to deal with those feelings of grief, and work through them by being good to yourself, and seeking your own happiness, and not dwell in the past.
7 STAGES OF GRIEF

This may bring you understanding, and insights into what your going through.

It's amazing how sth like that messed me up and my life and complicated things that didn't need to be complicated. I just hope I had the power and knowledge to let it go the first time he gave up and not having to go through all this. Unfortunately I've done it again in the past, trying to make things happen in the area which is the most unpredicted of all and you can't actually control anything. Love. Or men. Or call it sex. I don't care. It shouldn't be like that. Pain when you get rejected is one thing, pain because you are hurting yourself by losing your self-esteem is another. Man... I hope I can leave this all behind and really make some good choices. There are so many problems out there personal and general. Relationships yes should be a bonus. I agree.

So sorry that you're going through this. Getting over the heartache of a failed relationship is hard work. You need to enlist the help of friends, family, perhaps even a few strangers to get through this difficult time. It's okay to ask for help. We've all been in your shoes and suffered with feelings remarkably similar to the ones you're feeling right now.

Cry and mourn for awhile, but don't let the ghost of your failed relationship gnaw on your smile. You had a life before you met your ex. Remember it? You had fun then. You smiled. You spent time with friends and laughed at little things.

Give yourself time for your heart to catch up with your brain. Smile even when you don't feel like it. You'll know when its time for you to move on and move forward.

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A break up is like a broken mirror. It is better to leave it broken than hurt yourself trying to fix it.

Some people think that it's holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it's letting go.

Life is very short for fussing and fighting my friend... the beatles

Thank you for sympathizing

I would say to just try to plan more things get him out of your head and not only that you may love him but look what he hs done to you he left you there on the spot with no answer without talking about it. He left you with a brocken heart in hands and tears falling down your cheeks I mean if he did that to you its because he didn't deserve you and not only that his just stupid. You deserve better every woman deserve better than that.

Don't know what to say... I know from an objective point of view things seem pretty bad but I've known him for two years... we sort of have this friendly, playing bond which I broke. And yes, no answer there. He doesn't have to say that he is not interested. I got the idea..

In my last email I said I was hurt he didn't answer back and used the verb "felt" for what I described as my feelings... I didn't want and actually expect an answer at that point. I'm not sure if that made a difference or not. This is an honest question. Would you answer if someone you cared for used the past tense?

I don't think it makes much difference which tense you used,and it really doesn't matter now,does it?

You really should try to let go of this overanalyzing of the past,I realise its hard for you to do this,but the bond is broken and you should be moving on with your life now.

Are you keeping busy?
Seeing friends and family?
Be good to yourself and do the things that put a smile on your face.

Here's an expression about past relationships that I like.

The past is like a sunken old ship, no matter how many times you try to bring it up, something's are better left below. You can try to bring it back to life, but it will only do more damage.

I'm moving on... always do.it's the pain that accompanies me, which becomes less and less, I have to say. As for the smile, it may take a while. I thought he was my other half. You can mock, but when I met him things started to make sense... ahhh it's hard.. I actually understand the fact that he didn't answer back... it doesn't matter. It's me who doesn't like his behavior anymore and got so hurt that actually don't want to hear from him again. To be truthful there were so many misunderstandings between us... I can't see how this could work even if he answered back... :((

I 'll not mock you, we all feel,at times, as if someone makes us whole or that things make sense because they are in our lives.
That is, to me,more of the 'being in love' stage,rather than committing to loving the person.

It's good to know you're moving on.
Keep going.

Well yeah... we weren't married to commit loving him;) I was in love... strange.never thought it could happen.still can't believe it.
But thanks.keep going is the best.

If he didn't answer you he's just plain stupid. When emotion comes in and a guy disapears I mean he must not have the same feelings as you. He doesn't deserve you. You can live without him for sure it may take time for you to live this way but you'll get use to it... hang out see friends meet new boys it's the best thing and if your at home and your thinking about him call someone and tlk see someone or clean up a bit... I passed through that... just try to be busy and try not to think about him no more

Ouppss I had answer this question already sorry :S :D