I am new to this site and I am just searching for words to help me feel better in my marriage of thirty years to my childhood sweetheart... I love my husband but I am no longer in love with him... he has always been a good provider a good friend a good father but never a good lover, no tenderness, assumes I am his for the taking to paw at and invade my space... I feel lonely, his is repetitive and I no longer believe him when he praises me because I have heard the same lines over and over... I feel suicidal over this because I don't want to hurt him, I just want changes, I am very depressed... We have been to marriage counseling some years ago with little changes,. do I just get out, I have so much to lose, but suicide he would lose everything we have worked for... somebody please help me

Oh my word, please don't consider suicide when there are so many options still before you to try. As was pointed out here recently, it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Please please reconsider your view on marriage counseling. Try it again. If you don't like the first one, try another one. If he won't go, go by yourself. It will at least help you to put some solid emotional foundation under you so that if you do decide you have to leave, the leaving will be easier.

I understand you are profoundly unhappy but take some action toward making changes and you will begin to feel differently, I promise. Even if its to look through your phone directory and become overwhelmed by the number of counselors and have to resort to posting here again how do you find a good one, THAT is still progress. Progress is like a candle in the dark room of despair - it can illuminate the whole room.

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Originally Posted by breannajo

I am new to this site and I am just searching for words to help me feel better in my marriage of thirty years to my childhood sweetheart.........I love my husband but I am no longer in love with him........he has always been a good provider a good friend a good father but never a good lover, no tenderness, assumes I am his for the taking to paw at and invade my space.........I feel lonely, his is repetitive and I no longer believe him when he praises me because I have heard the same lines over and over......... I feel suicidal over this because I don't want to hurt him, I just want changes, I am very depressed......We have been to marriage counseling some years ago with little changes, ....do I just get out, I have so much to lose, but suicide he would lose everything we have worked for...........somebody please help me

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"No longer in love" is just an old cliche' for needing change. You obviously love him and don't want to hurt him. Committing suicide would hurt him far more than leaving him. Seek help. Be honest with him about how he is towards you. Guys are generally clueless unless you tell us. No hints. Just brutal honesty. If you need him to be a better lover, tell him how. Tell him that you need more spice and that you need to need to get the passion back. You will find one of two things happens. He will either come along for the ride or he won't care enough to change. I'm voting on the former. :)

Change your name and travel the world before you think of committing suicide. It should not even be an option. If things are that bad where you would even consider this. You need to talk to someone or leave him. Things always seem worse when you are in the middle of it but as an outsider, I think you have a lot of options

If you are no longer in love with him, see a counselor or therapist; you could start with your doctor. Establish objectives, retain a lawyer if needed, and move forward. It is time to get going on this, if you haven't already.