Ask Me Help Desk - Relationship with this guy, and God?

Hello, Help Desk Bloggers. I know you have a lot of more important things to do then read this, but I need your advice, from experiences. I really don't want to hear anything about how young I am. I'm very mature for my age, and I know what I'm doing except for when It comes to this. I'm 13. This guy, I went out with for about 4 months (about 10 months ago). I still like, well love. We broke up, for a misunderstanding, and another girl, who told lies. Now this guy, he is someone who knows my life story, who I still come to today. 10 months later, and still want him back. I cannot move on, because God, is calling me to him. I was very immature a year ago, I didn't know what I was doing. But now I realize. I can't see myself with anyone else. I've tried going out with other guys, around 6 since we broke up. It's just not happening. He really is the one. And I need to know, how to tell him, or show him. I try to tell him go to God. It's almost like, He did all the work before, and Now I have to do all the work to get him back. We have a lot in common, never been in a fight, or anything. As you can tell, I have No one else to talk to about this, so therefore I'm coming here. Please Help. I don't know what to do. Except keep trying, It's not hurting me. I'm fine dating other people. He's just I know he's the right one. He won't go back out with me, and he is very mature and respectful. Yet he won't tell me why he won't. So if you have an idea let me know. We both hurt each other a lot. I'm fine just being friends with him but I'm worried about the future. Any ideas? On all these comments? PLease help. Thank you all <3

A little more background. I never see him, I use to but probably see him once a week. We don't talk at all in person. (my fault) (im worried about what he will do). I see him at church, and there's some people that don't like me very much there. So that's why. But he knows everything about me. It was deff. A great relationship. THANKS!

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Originally Posted by happygirl14

I need your advice, from experiences.

In my experience, almost all relationships people have until they are in their twenties and even thirties end, until one doesn't. Very few people find the "one" at 13, arranged marriages excluded.

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Originally Posted by happygirl14

I cannot move on, because God, is calling me to him.

How fortunate, because it sure would be bloody silly to persist in a foolish course of action based solely on your own free will.

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Originally Posted by happygirl14

I can't see myself with anyone else.

Imagine harder.

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Originally Posted by happygirl14

I try to tell him go to God.

Have you considered that perhaps your beliefs or some other aspect of your personality may be a major turnoff for him that excludes you from being lifelong mate material?

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Originally Posted by happygirl14

He won't go back out with me, and he is very mature and respectful. Yet he won't tell me why he won't. So if you have an idea let me know....>>>We both hurt each other a lot.<<<

In addition to the mutual hurt, if it were me, you would have two major strikes against you. First, the DESPERATE vibe is the universal turnoff for men. It isn't sexy and it certainly isn't challenging. You'd also be docked serious points for PSYCHO RELIGIOUS CHICK behavior and I'd be fleeing for the hills. How would you react if some guy came up to you and told you God wanted the two of you to be together? Jump in his arms?

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Originally Posted by happygirl14

I don't know what to do. Except keep trying, It's not hurting me...I'm fine dating other people...He's just I know hes the right one...I'm fine just being friends with him but im worried about the future... ...Any ideas?!

No you're not and it is hurting you or you wouldn't be here. In all likelihood your "relationship" (4 months! ) is over for good and you are not coping with it in a healthy way. You are insisting on pursuing an obsessed self-destructive path of persistence which will only alienate this poor fellow even more. There's only something like 3 billion other guys on the planet. You've since dated 6 of the 3 billion and haven't really made much of an effort or a dent. Granted, your available dating pool is probably small, so why not postpone deciding he's the "one" until your dating pool becomes much larger, like college (those college guys are waaay cuter anyway), before passing final judgment.

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Originally Posted by happygirl14

It was deff. a great relationship.

For YOU... for him, not so much or he'd still be in it.

For one, I know everything about him. I know what he likes and doesn't like. Were like bestfriends. I have a hard life, I am very popular, yet I can only trust one, and that's him.

Your 13, you have intense feelings for a guy your very familiar with. What your missing is he doesn't not have the same feelings that you do.

The problem is, you don't accept the fact he feels differently than you, and are looking at ways to change those feelings.

Forget it. You cannot control the feelings of others, just your own.

When you get a bit more mature for your age, you will learn not to get carried away by your own feelings.

And you are carried away.

At 13, they after we get deep always seem like the one, but I will be direct, God is not directing your life to a love at 13. And yes, Mature for your age only means you think you are smarter than you really are for your age, and don't want to admit you are just 13.

You for one, can't control the feelings of anyone else,

I looked back over your past questions. You have been wanting to get back with him since April 2009 when you first came to AMHD. It sounds like nothing has changed since then.

It is time to show your maturity by letting that relationship go. It is a very hard lesson that we learn through growing up.

I think you need to slow down. Four months plus ten months (length of relationship plus time after breaking up) is a total of 14 months and puts you at 12 years of age at the oldest when you got involved with him. That is way to young to understand that sometimes we mistake our own desires for messages from God or other Spiritual means.

Here is something to think about: Neither of you were mature enough to handle the relationship (in another thread, you mention having broken up with him a couple of times during your relationship) or outside influences (the girl who played games).

Give yourself some more growing time. Let yourself get over him and the past. Stop trying to find a new relationship with him or anyone else. Take time to make good friends with both boys and girls. When the time is right and you aren't focusing on things like not getting involved with someone because your ex goes to the same church you do (another thread), you will meet the next person you want to have a relationship with.

Had to spread the rep Cat, but, whether she wants to hear it or not, she is 13, and has already dated 7 guys, including him.

Why the need for a boyfriend.

Haahha, I <3 you. I've had a really long life. I've been through more crap , then my 60 year old father. What you all don't understand is i can't help what my heart is feeling! it just does. Its impossible. I'm trying to follow my heart here. Pssh 7? I've been in at least. 20. And what I'm trying to say is... this one is way different. But actually I've gotten a lot better, I use to cry everyday. And I don't cry at all now.

Plus, you I don't want to sound like I'm better then everyone else. I have a very low self esteem actually. And he helped me with that. So its better. But I'm the one at my schoool who everyone goes to for help about relationships and just last night i helped a friend and he got his girlfriend back immeditaely. everyone always comes to me. Its just really hard to explain everything in a paragraph.

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What you all don't understand is i can't help what my heart is feeling! it just does. Its impossible.

Your right, but the part your not seeing is what you do about what your feeling that counts, but you will learn that if you can manage to listen, and not get so carried away by your feelings, and yourself.

You may think you have been through a lot, but there will be many more challenges to face, besides some guy at church who doesn't want what you want.

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Originally Posted by happygirl14

haahha, i <3 yall. ive had a really long life. ive been through more crap , then my 60 year old father. what you all dont understand is i can't help what my heart is feeling! it just does. Its impossible. I'm trying to follow my heart here. pssh 7? ive been in at least. 20. and what im trying to say is...this one is way different. But actually ive gotten a lot better, i use to cry everyday. and i dont cry at all now.

Following your heart when you know it is wrong is not a mature action. While you may always have feelings for this person, it does not mean that you are supposed to be in a relationship with him especially if his heart is telling him something different.

It is a rather selfish and childish reaction to believe that just because you want something it has to be yours. He isn't a doll or puppy. He is a thinking and feeling human being who has made his decision (whether you think it is right or wrong) and his feelings have to be respected.

I am glad that you aren't crying any more, however, I do think you need to examine why you believe that you have to be in a relationship with anyone.

Low self-esteem is one of the worst reasons to want to be in a relationship. It usually means that you are putting the responsibility for making you feel good about yourself on the other person. That responsibility should be on YOU. Do things that make you feel good about yourself: helping others, good grades, volunteering, being a good friend, dance, acting, choir, etc. You have to build yourself up. Stop giving other people the tools and use them yourself.

I understand all of that, and I mean I know. I haven't been in a relationship in awhile. And its honestly better. I know all of that. I havee nooo parents, to help me. Its hard.

The thing is he always acts and talks like he wants what i want! but I'm sure something is holding him back. He apologies everyday for being a jerk in the past. And its NOT the wrong reasons. Its every RIGHT reason possible.