My girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for 2 years I'm 25 she's 24, a couple of weeks ago she said to me that she wants a break because she hasn't been happy for the past 5-6 months for a few reasons, my insercruity around her like if I don't her from her when she goes out ill get the hump with her and I can sometimes come across needy as well and we did bicker a lot... she has her own things like wieght and confidence that she wants to sort out her self as she feels like she has lot her independence... the situation of our relastionship is that we were mates living together and the we started going out and have lived together since day 1 so no dating period and we did get wrapped up in each other quite abit, I said to her I don't mind give her space so I can sort my selfout and so can she... we said we would give each other 2 months then meet up and make a decision as to where we want to go with this... so I moved out and I'm renting my own place and she has her own place, the first couple of day after moving out she was texting me and making sure that I took stuff I needed from our flat and food etc and she also rang me to make sure I was OK. Then the next weekl I didn't here anything and then she text me saying that something had arrived in the post and shall she forward it to my new address... no in this time I had already looked into sorting out my insercruities and had a counselling session that night... I text her this say " i have listened to what you said and i am doing something about it" "i am seeing a conseller about it"... her reply was "good babes im glad your doing something about it :) "... then christmas day came and she text me first thing in the morning "happy christmas babe hope you have a lovely day" so I thought I haven't spoke to her for a week and a half I give her a call as it is christmas, so we spoke and I noticed that she kept telling me about her misfortunes that she had experinced over the past week or so and that she was worried about me and so on... so we said goodbye. Then about 2 hours later I text her saying "nice to talk to you and if i dont get a chance i just wanted to tell you that i do love you"... anhour later she text me back "love you too xx" since christmas day I haven't heard anything... my question to everyone is she wants this break to sort her head out and she what she wants to do about the relationship and said to me will meet up in 2 months which is end of jan beginning of feb but whether I do anything about my issues that she has how will she know that I've made an effort and is she takingt this time just to see if she would rather be single vbecasue at the end of the day it seems to me that she has full control of this situation, she decided how long she wanted to the break for and she will decide if she still wants to give it another go or not... no before I left her flat I said if there's someone else or you want to go and find someone else I'm not hanging around for you to make your mind up which her reply was "men are the last thing on my mind i want to use this time for me"... and I said to her if we did give it another go I would like to take it slow and biuld it up like dating again I stay at my place she stays at hers and we see each other a couple times a week etc... she even wrote me aletter just before I left to say that I'm not a bad person she doesn't hate me one bit and she loves and cares for me verymuch, be positive enjoy myself with work gym and friends andget my indepence back and hope fully when she sorted her head out and I fell bet we can see about sorting something out...

I just want to know if people think I'm wasting my time waiting for her to get back to me because if she felt unhappy in the relationship for 6 months what 2 months apart going to achieve if she doesn't know that I've changed at all becuae we haven't met up untioll judgement day...

One thing ill leave you with is that I said to her if you don't want to be with me then why not end it and her reply was "i just dont know what i want to do" well its been 3 weeks near on and she hasn't told me eother or so how long do you need to decide... and inevitably I don't really have a saying in anything because she will have the deciding answer... she know I love and care about her as well and I don't hate her 1 bit either, her family love me and my family love her. Do I need to get in contact and say we need to have some sort of direction? Is it to early to say that... and just to let everyone know I haven't called or text her once its her been texting me... but no of these texts have been anything to do with missing me or wanting to see me I mean its new years eve and I want to see her so bad but I cant... finally my nan said that she emailed her and said in so many words that we did bicker and have our issues which need to sorted out and hopefully in 2 months we can she what happens...

Help me people!! :confused:

Sounds like a similar situation to me. My ex girlfriend and I tried an ill fated stint at living tog in May this year, it went bad from day 1 and ended 3 months later when I had to move back to a flat annexed off my parents house 8 miles away. A further two months passed before we decided to "have time apart' in VERY similar words to those your girlfriend said to you e.g. sort things out and unfortanately I kept hanging on during this time, became slightly strung along and was dumped a week and a half ago! Your situation may turn out differently, I don't know, but my ex said to me that the time apart had made her realise she didn't want it anymore. Looking back I just didn't see the obvious signs because you care for someone and are fearful of losing them.

My advice would be to take control back of the situation, ask for an outcome no matter how much you can't stand the thought of that outcome being to split up. But consider your moments carefully. e.g. drop a text, suggest something nice to do together, e.g. like a walk, drink, meal etc and don't plan it if she's having a bad week or something.

Don't panic, but to me it sounds like she's halfway towards breaking up with you anyway so you have nothing to lose from that regards. However you can make it easier on yourself or even arrest the decline. I don't know, I've just split myself so hopefully I'm not being completely hopeless about the situation, what do others think?

Thanks for your reply, don't get me wrong we had no problems living together I think I got more insercure and needy over the past 6 months which was a factor in the break, we both agreed on the break but I just don't like the idea of having no direction what so ever as I feel like I just floating along...

I'm happy you are working on your issues,which you should be doing for yourself,not for anyone else. As for this break situation,I don't see her being willing to work on whatever was wrong in the relationship. So,sadly I would be inclined to call this a coward's way to break up. Don't hang around allowing someone else to call all the shots. Move on with your life, your goals and leave her on her break. Go no contact so you can clear your head and get your life back on track. Take care.

Yes, I am very familiar with that feeling of floating! It was beginning to confuse me and became hurtful so I had to know one way or another. I just went round, put one last effort into showing her I missed her and wanted to be back with her and that's when the truth came out about how she felt (the opposite!).

You got to step back, look at things and say, yes I care for her & love her, but which is best, being in limbo while she makes up her mind about things thus getting confused and putting my life on hold, or finding out one way or another so you can move forward with your life.

Do you want the truth or something beautiful? She certainly has the control over the sitatution as my ex did - it's a very difficult place to be when you are in the 'time apart' phase..

Again, I may not be best placed to offer advice given my recent breakup so please take it from that perspective e.g. mine didn't work out!

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Originally Posted by Loss2009

Yes, I am very familar with that feeling of floating! It was beginning to confuse me and became hurtful so I had to know one way or another. I just went round, put one last effort into showing her I missed her and wanted to be back with her and that's when the truth came out about how she felt (the opposite!).

You gotta step back, look at things and say, yes I care for her & love her, but which is best, being in limbo while she makes up her mind about things thus getting confused and putting my life on hold, or finding out one way or another so you can move forward with your life.

Do you want the truth or something beautiful? She certainly has the control over the sitatution as my ex did - it's a very difficult place to be when you are in the 'time apart' phase..

Again, I may not be best placed to offer advice given my recent breakup so please take it from that perspective eg mine didn't work out!

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How long did you leave it before you spoke to her about it?. as I haven't seen her for 3 weeks and havenmt neard from her for a week.

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Originally Posted by amicon

I'm happy you are working on your issues,which you should be doing for yourself,not for anyone else. As for this break situation,I don't see her being willing to work on whatever was wrong in the relationship. So,sadly I would be inclined to call this a coward's way to break up. Dont hang around allowing someone else to call all the shots. Move on with your life, your goals and leave her on her break. Go no contact so you can clear your head and get your life back on track. Take care.

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She did say quite clearly to me though when we meet back up I n a couple of month we can see about sorting something out between us... so I don't want to through it all away because I cannot give her the space she requested...

That's not a reason for you to put your life on hold. Being stuck in limbo is not a nice place to be. Take charge of your own life.
Me I'd disappear and do my own thing. I'm not saying that to be callous-but because I respect myself too much to let somebody else dictate to me.

Yes and I have been doing my own thing with my mates but where my best mates girlfriend is my ex partners best friend she comes out with us most nites since I gone out and it feel like she spying on me... so its quite hard to get away from it all...

Try to go out with other people-see other friends.
Find a new hobby-interests etc.

We weren't organised enough to have a set date when we were going to talk. We just let it float and attempted to avoid the issue. I couldn't bring the issue up as she hated talking about things, communication wasn't her strong point and is the cornerstone of any successful relationship. So after moving out it was two months of sporadic contact, very little intimacy, and the occasional activity and overnight stay. Became apparent we were making each other unhappy and she called for time apart. She bagan missing me initially but then communication went completely awry and she got upset at something I still don't completely understand now, a meeting ended badly with her saying she didn't want a relationship, but that she still considered us on Time Apart, from then on I certainly should have got out if not sooner after I moved out, then a further two months of almost nothing in the way of contact (she would still reply to my texts emails in quite a friendly and affectionate way - but would initiate very little, obvious sign she was getting on with her life) when I felt the need to go and talk to her one way or another. I sensed more than anything I was losing her. I agree with Amicon on this one, you may be waiting for longer than the agreed timescales as she obviously has issues with how the relationship has gone

The thing I can't get to grips with if she didn't want to be with me even after 3 weeks on this break why can't she just come out and say it... she is definitely one to voice her opinions and besides that she has pretty much told everyone that we know family friends that we having a couple of months space and then meeting up to decide how we feel... as I said before I haven't contacted her once I only reply to her when she contacts me but not straight away like 3 four hours later... see I know her quite well and all her previous bf's have been sh** compared to me and she even said this... I feel like I am only a part of why she feels unhappy in the relationship and that its not all me... because she would have told me by now if she didn't want to be with me TRUST ME.. and I not trying to make excuses for her or make myself feel better... at the end of the day if she want to be with me she well and if she don't she don't!. im getting on with my own thing but just don't like not knowing where I stand... I don't think she would be that horrible to drag it out for 2 months to then tell me she doesn't want to be with me as she not the cowdly type at all... I think the main issue is we both need to take a step back and both get our independence back as that's what we've both lost over the past 6 months because before we had an amazing relationship!

Dude whether she comes out and says get lost, or the way she did it, "see ya in a couple of months", the results are the same, the relationship is officially over.

Now you can trip on her thoughts, and actions, all you want, but you have no choice but to leave her alone, and start doing your thing, and see what happens later.

Even if you do talk again later, if you're the same desperate, needy, insecure person you were before, I doubt she will change her mind, no matter what plans to get her back your making.

You better work on being ready for what ever happens next. With or without her in your life because facts is right now she is OUT.

I suggest you go through the healing process, and be able to make better decisions for yourself. She has total control now, but healing WILL give you control over yourself.

What happened with this in the end? I am in a similar situation...