What should I do with my situation? Dump or go out with, leave everything.
Okay, so my situation is complex. So my current boyfriend of 4 and 1/2 years is named Nathan, things are decent right now. I am 18 and we have been together since middle school. He has been good to me and sometimes terrible to me. Pros are he's generous and kind, sweet and romantic and he loves me so much, funny and always makes time for me, gives me a lot of control in the relationship. Cons are he is a high school dropout he talks about going on to college and such but he hasn't made any move towards that. I have a strong resentment towards his past actions, he's forcefully held me down, yelled at me, disrespected me, humiliated me in front of people, frequent and very believable lier, my friends don't want me to bring him with me if we hangout due to him acting out and walking away from us so many times, he never asks how my day was at school yet I always ask him how work was, he wants to get married and I just don't even want to think about it, he wants to move in when I go to college next year, he has ditched out on me for four straight days with my chick friend Malory no text messaging or calls the message I got on that fourth night was I will drop your stuff off in the morning, of course we got back together after he came to my house and said such horrible things about how he was perfectly fine without dating me anymore then I cried and he left then he came back the next day cried too and said sorry, he has just done a lot of things I hate. I feel so awful when I think of the things he's done and what is next. But god I am not perfect but I could not imagine doing such things to Nate. Yet recently I meet this sweet boy named Tanner. He really likes me. And although I love Nate, I just know how he is and him talking about moving in with me and to the town I go to just leaves me so unhappy. I loved him for four years. I can't just let him go he is my best friend. The thought of him with another girl sickens me but the thought of marrying him makes me unhappy. We have grown apart so much we started in middle school as I said earlier and so a lot has changed, I don't find the same jokes funny, I am still in high school and graduating with scholarships, I'm college bound and highly motivated. I take good care of my appearance and I have always had many friends. I can't help but to see such a steep difference between me and Nate now. He has changed from a sharp smart boy attractive boy who was funny sweet and cool into a drop out who is overly close to my family. I just don't know what to do anymore. I love Nate but I am not in love with him. I can not hurt him I would never do anything with Tanner of course (no flirting no hugs no kissin dear god I give him a high five when I see him) but god it is like I am trapt in a relationship. I need to get out and explore my options but I want to have Nate in my life because I will always love him as my first love and best friend. Which is so selfish of me I know its terrible. Before I can even think about settling down I need to find out what else is out there. I just wish everything could work out so no one is hurt. I know I can't have my cake and eat it too but I think maybe someday Nate and I could get married after I can see the world for myself and experience life. I don't know if he is what I want I haven't been with another guy before my whole life. But I know that he has issues and he has attempted to kill himself before and I can not cause him so much pain his family left him and I was the only one there with him, when he got fired I was there, when he was I was there, when he cried I was there, when he was in trouble, I was there. He doesn't know how to be without me. He is very immature but he is so very sweet he will blow money on me sometimes, he just lit up his room with candles the other night for a romantic time and god I just feel all the worse. God what do I do? Please don't think Nate is like a bad guy I don't mean that to sound that way he's a wonderful person even though he makes mistakes.
