Ask Me Help Desk - My mother

My mother passed away two years ago. It was very painful. I have been reliving her last moments lately at night when I go to bed. I can see her sitting up as plain as she did, saying no... I am not ready to die. I feel like there is something I should have done. She had lung cancer and basically drown in fluid. They just kept giving her morphine. I miss her terribly. Everyone else in my family say that she comes near them. I do not feel this. I just feel emptyness and loss. Is she there? This feeling literally makes my heart pound and takes my breath away. Thank you.

Two years is a lot of time for you to still moan her death. Are you keeping yourself busy with the living around you? Perhaps, keeping yourself active and not allowing yourself to think about her death would help.

Quote:

Originally Posted by rkim291968

Two years is a lot of time for you to still moan her death. Are you keeping yourself busy with the living around you? Perhaps, keeping yourself active and not allowing yourself to think about her death would help.

When you lose a loved one such as a parent you can't justify how long time is to moarn her loss. If you haven't been through it you can't comprehend it!

Quote:

Originally Posted by lharbiso

My mother passed away two years ago. It was very painful. I have been reliving her last moments lately at night when I go to bed. I can see her sitting up as plain as she did, saying no.....I am not ready to die. I feel like there is something I should have done. She had lung cancer and basicly drown in fluid. they just kept giving her morphine. I miss her terribly. Everyone else in my family say that she comes near them. I do not feel this. I just feel emptyness and loss. Is she there? this feeling literally makes my heart pound and takes my breath away. Thank you.

I know exactly how you feel.
I lost my father 2 and half years ago. To cancer as well. He had terminal stomach cancer. I know how painful it is, I know how painful it is to remember their last suffering moments, I can feel your pain. I loved my daddy with all my heart and I still do. I still cry for his loss and you know what I always will no matter how long ago it was.
About 2 weeks ago I came across some photos. It killed me to see how he looked on his last few days, how ill and sad he lookes. I cried so much. I could almost cry now just thinking of it.

All I can say, is that your mum is now resting in peace, just like my dad. They are not suffering no more. Your mum is your guardian angle now like my dad is my guardian. He is always with me and so is your mum, remember that, please.

When I cry, I always look at the photo I have of him stuck on my fridge, I touch it and you know what I smile. I smile as I remember our GOOD healthy times together and I remember how full of life he was, how funny he was.
You have to remember the good times.

I still miss him, I always will. Same as you with your mum.
Your mum is with you. ALWAYS.

Keep a good memory photo of her near your bed, and when you feel down and empty look at it. Talk to her. I do and you know what it feels so good.

She is always with you.

I hope you're OK.

KRS... thank you so much for your kind and comforting words. Yes, you are right, two years seems like only yesterday. I know that she is no longer suffering and that helps. I do keep pictures of her everywhere. Her wishes were to be creamated and that hurts as well. I know it would only be a physical place to go but I often think if she had a grave I could go and feel closer to her. I am OK, thank you for the asking. I offer my sympathy to you for the loss of your father as well. It comes and goes in waves. Thank you again for your kind words, God Bless

Trust me when I tell you you don't need a grave to feel close to her.

My father wasn't cremated, so I can visit his grave, which I do but not very often because that is the place I last said good-bye and its abit too much for me to handle.

You know what you can do.
Every time you wish you could go to visit her grave, buy some flowers take them home, light a candle, put a photo of hers near the candle and flowers and say a little prayer and talk to her, don't feel silly doing so. I do and I smile :)

How old was your mummy?

She was 56. She was diagnosed in July and passed on October 5. She tried a couple of rounds of chemo but it made her so weak and sick and they said it would not help anyway, so she stopped. She was actually doing very well considering up until the day before she died. I understand what you are saying. She helped me build flower beds all the time so come spring I am going to make a special bed for her and put one of the memorial rocks in it for her. I will try and do what you suggested in the meantime, it sounds like a good idea:)

Our stories are too similar.
My dad was 56 too, sadly enough he was diagnosed with terminal Cancer in May 2004 and passed on in July 2004. Doctors didn't even suggest chemo, they said it would be for nothing, it wouldn't help at all as his cancer was spreading quickly :(

So it was basically a horrible waiting game, just like you, waiting at home for him to pass on. He was also fairly OK considering, until his last 2 days, were he slipped into a coma then passed on.

If you ever need a chat, you know where to find me :)
We can console each other.

What a great thing for you to say. Thank you. I have thought about searching for a support group or something online where I can have someone to talk to. You know, sometimes I think that I was truly blessed to be able to hold my mothers hand as she slipped away, to be there with her. But at the same time it still hurts and breaks your heart. The Holidays are always difficult, and I am already dreading them coming on. I am hoping that I can do something different and perhaps enjoy them this year. Hope you have a good day.

I know the festive seasons are hard, till this day it hurts me too. But what you have to remember is that your mummy wants to see you happy no matter the circumstances, always remember that! OK :)
Are you married? You can always have a totally different Christmas, but you have to know that's its not always healthy to run away from your heart-ache sometimes its best to go through with it, for you to feel better. :)

I was there with my daddy too, it was a very special good-bye.