I am moving out-of-state at the end of January. Should I maintain NC or should I let her know I am leaving?

I will avoid going into long explanations as to what led to my breakup- but I fell hard for someone I had only been dating for only three months. I have reason to believe she felt the same way. We broke up about three months ago. I didn't beg her to stay with me but I've been thinking of her constantly since then and sometimes it hurts. We've talked and texted a few times since the breakup. The first time she didn't return my call I went into NC.

I broke NC after three weeks. She called back back but that round of phone tag resulted in her not calling back again. So now I'm in NC again. By the end of January it will have been two months of NC. Should I break NC to let her know I am leaving or should I just let it go?

Thanks

By the way.. she broke up with me. I didn't break up with her. To be clear.

Are you moving because of her, or does she already know about it? You have to explain more. Did you break up on bad terms?

You are getting a fresh start in a new city don't bring the past with you.

sully123, I am not moving because of her. But I think if we were still together, I would second guess the idea of leaving. We didn't really break up on bad terms. But she was really upset over something I did. The night we met when she broke up with me was not good at all. I apologized profusely for upsetting her but I didn't beg her to change her mind. Honestly, she seemed a little surprised that I didn't fight against the breakup but I could be wrong. She said that things would have to revert to being friends with maybe a possibility of having a future together. The only other choice she offered was to break things off completely - I didn't want to do that. We talked that night for over an hour but it was not a pleasant experience for me. I gave her a small gift at the end of the evening to apologize. I initially hesitated in giving it because I didn't want her to think I was trying to buy her forgiveness. But I decided to give it since she was breaking up - there was no need for me to keep it. It was a small action figure toy - she is into their movies.

About a week and a half into the breakup I sent her a text asking her if she would like to meet for coffee. She replied the next day that she couldn't understand why I was texting her because texting was what helped put the relationship into a quagmire in the first place. I was surprised at this response but I apologized again.

A couple days later, she deleted me as a friend on Facebook. I got upset about this and called and asked her why but I told her if she didn't want to speak to me again I would leave her alone. She responded that I took things the wrong way and that she did it because she needed space. I told her I was OK with it but it would've been better if she told me beforehand. This conversation was a bit argumentative.

I called a week later and she returned the call the next day. The conversation was pleasant but only chit-chat. After 20 minutes she said she had to go. I wanted to ask her to meet but I hesitated - I just told her I hoped to talk again soon.

I called her a week later. She texted me back a couple of days later saying something was wrong with her phone and she had just got the message but she would call me later. She never called so I went into NC. I broke NC after being "inspired" to do so.

I think I've explained the rest. The last message she left was pleasant but in this round of phone tag she's "it" - I called twice and she hasn't called back. So I don't want to call back because I don't want to bother her.

I don't look at this NC as being a game. If someone doesn't return my call, unless it's really an urgent matter, I'm not going to keep calling.

Please advise. I'm torn about this situation. I really appreciate it.

Spitvenom.. I hear what your saying. But at the end of the day, I honestly would like to iron things out.

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Originally Posted by nosaj83

Spitvenom.., I hear what your saying. But at the end of the day, I honestly would like to iron things out.

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Dude, I read that and all it said was "I called her and she blew me off." This was repeated over and over. She's already moved on and you are still stuck. This move is the best thing for you, as SpitVenom points out it allows you a fresh start. You've got the new year, a new city, and a new life ahead of you, don't let her hold you back.

You might not look at NC as being a game, but it sounds like it's turning into one (might not be intentional but that's how it's perceived on my end). I wouldn't bother telling her you're moving away. It sounds like you can do NC just fine (despite a few slip-ups) so don't mention moving to her. You aren't good friends, you aren't boyfriend/girlfriend anymore, and you barely speak to each other. You don't owe anything to her and she has made it pretty clear she doesn't want to be together anymore.

Best of luck to a new start in a new city!

This is a tough one to call. If you going to move out of state like you said, I think, I would leave her a message. But, you don't want her to think your moving because of her and that your still hurting. You don't want to give her the guilt trip. What do you have to loose, by just leaving a kind message, along with your moving and wishing her the best. Don't expect anything out of it, the ball is in her court. See where it goes from there... Good luck.

You don't half step with NC.
Move on and put the past behind you.Looking backwards is never a good idea.
You guys are over,there is no point in letting her know your life plans.

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Originally Posted by sully123

This is a tough one to call. If you going to move out of state like you said, I think, I would leave her a message. But, you don't want her to think your moving because of her and that your still hurting. You don't want to give her the guilt trip. What do you have to loose, by just leaving a kind message, along with your moving and wishing her the best. Don't expect anything out of it, the ball is in her court. See where it goes from there... Good luck.

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I might be wrong but I think sending her a message and telling her you're moving (whether you say it's not because of her or not) will give her the impression you ARE moving because of her.

This is just a prediction on my part but if you send her the "I'm moving" message, you might slip in "let's meet for coffee before I leave" or she might even ask to do so. It just creates so much more of a mess. What value does it have telling someone that's not in your life anymore that you're moving?

Thanks for all the responses guys. Well, I'd been going back and forth over it for a while and I always was leaning towards not re-initiating contact.

Like Chuff said, this will allow me a fresh start in a new place.

Jmooney, you're right, I don't owe her anything.

artlady is right too.

Sully, I hear what you're saying. I consider myself a nice guy so I thought contacting her would be the "nice" thing to do. But I have already done enough as it is. I think I was very thoughtful and a total gentleman while we were seeing each other. You're right when you say that I have nothing to lose by leaving a kind message and I shouldn't expect anything from it. But that's the problem. I haven't truly moved on yet, so if I call I will be sitting on pins and needles wondering if she will call back. If I hadn't broke NC the first time I might actually be over this by now. Like Jmooney said in his last post, breaking NC just creates a more of a mess and brings in a false sense of hope. I hear where you are coming from Sully and I appreciate your point of view.

Talking to her or seeing her now while I am in this state of mind will do nothing but push her away, so it's best just to let it all go.. even if I am moving away.

Thanks guys.

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Originally Posted by nosaj83

Sully, I hear what you're saying. I consider myself a nice guy so I thought contacting her would be the "nice" thing to do.

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Always be nice to yourself first. You deserve respect and she has not provided it, so you are not obligated to be respectful back. Treat others ONLY as they treat you, not as you want them to treat you. The truth is you've already done the right thing by her, and she has failed you. Be nice to the guy who has gone above and beyond, be nice to you.

You've made the right decision to not contact her.

New city, New year, New life without her! Everything's going to work out just fine in 2010.

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Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you deal with it is what makes the difference. - Virginia Satir

Thanks Chuff and devorameira - both of you are right. I appreciate it.

I would tell her nothing, just disappear and do your own thing.