Ok, here's my situation. I've been divorced now for almost a year and have started to flirt with the idea of meeting someone again. The challenge, though, is that I rarely come into contact with women during my normal day. I don't work with single women at all.

I am have a membership with Match.com, Plentyoffish.com, and eHarmony. Women view my profile all of the time and when I have sent e-mails or winks, etc. I've gotten few responses. I've had over 200 women look at my Match.com profile and I've only heard from 3 of them. My e-mails have been very innocuous. Here's an example of an e-mail I wrote recently so you can get a perspective of my writing style (or lack thereof):

"Hi Lia -

Let me just say that I really love the honesty of your profile. In particular the part about being in tough relationships and what you have learned to want as a result of them: someone who likes being with you and vice versa.

I am also a very social person and kind of the life of the party if I may say so myself. My friends and family say as much so that settles it for me.

I don't believe in being "too" nice if by that you mean being a pushover and a wimp (maybe even overly-needy). No relationship will ever work well if one isn't committed to being lovingly honest about the thing you described: "... being a brat." We can all be brats at times and to allow someone to behave that way isn't helpful for anyone. So I respect that and am committed to that.

Anyway, it would be cool to talk with you if you are interested."

I tried to talk about things that were relevant to her profile because the advice I get is that doing so gives the girl the impression that you are genuinely interested. I write most of my e-mails in a similar fashion and I almost never hear anything back so I am beginning to realize that maybe I'm a dud and in need of a social makeover.

I don't think that I am an unattractive person but maybe I need to rethink that. It's hard not be discouraged by the total lack of anything going on for me in the dating world these days. I'd appreciate anyone's honest feedback. If you would like to know more, please ask.

Thanks from a guy in need of a little assist!

p.s. attached is my pic

It's true that women (and men for that matter) deserve an open honest partner.
Culture tells us that women are emotional, and extremely complicated (on top of that, we supposedly talk non-stop). So much so, that men put a lot of pressure on themselves to navigate through the so called "swamp" of a woman's emotions and feelings. However, this pressure is completely unneeded in most situations- especially in the early stages of a relationship. Your email seems very honest, but it seems like you're over-analyzing. Women's minds are actually pretty simple. If you want to ask them out, ask them straight up, don't beat around the bush, and don't try to "charm" them into liking you. If a woman likes movies, take her to a movie- her choice. If she's more of the 'let's just hang out at my place' type, then invite her over. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to find out what a woman likes, and to act accordingly. (and vice versa... I'm a woman, and men think we are complicated? Phew! Have they met themselves? )
The point I'm getting to: if you're interested, just ask tell her straight up that you'd like to get to know a little more about her instead of trying so hard to sound interested. Not all women are into a romantic dinner and desert, and not all women will try to control the conversation. Every woman is different, this is why you want to know more about her- to find out what kind of woman she is... Just a couple tips.

I know what it's like to have had a marriage breakup... and it can be daunting to get back out there-i know!! But for dating websites, I think you've been a bit too deep, too quickly, and that can be a turn off. Keep it really lighthearted for your profile... don't delve in to the meaning of relationships on your profile, when you are getting to know someone, you can bring that up... You are very handsome, there's no doubting that, so plenty of gals will seek you out. Just don't give too much of yourself away... I think you're sounding too deep... and there's a time and a place for that. When I use dating websites, I imagine I'm at a party, chatting to people, lighthearted banter... that's all you need to get a date, and then take it from there...
You're absolutely NOT a dud, and don't even think that... it's just your approach, which is understandable to some, but not to others who don't have the same experience as yourself. Most people are out to look for an honest, open and fulfilling relationship, but this only develops after a bit of flirting, joking and lightheartedness.
Give yourself a break, and don't be too serious... you WILL find someone... absolutely, but take your time, and enjoy the process... Going on, and getting a date should be fun... remember that. It's only a date after all... so learn to relax... and be lighthearted to begin with.
Best of luck...

I forgot to say... I am a woman...

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Originally Posted by scentedcandles

I know what it's like to have had a marriage breakup...and it can be daunting to get back out there-i know !!! but for dating websites, I think you've been a bit too deep, too quickly, and that can be a turn off. Keep it really lighthearted for your profile.... don't delve in to the meaning of relationships on your profile, when you are getting to know someone, you can bring that up.... You are very handsome, there's no doubting that, so plenty of gals will seek you out. Just don't give too much of yourself away....I think you're sounding too deep.... and there's a time and a place for that. When I use dating websites, I imagine I'm at a party, chatting to people, lighthearted banter.... that's all you need to get a date, and then take it from there...
You're absolutely NOT a dud, and don't even think that.... it's just your approach, which is understandable to some, but not to others who don't have the same experience as yourself. Most people are out to look for an honest, open and fulfilling relationship, but this only develops after a bit of flirting, joking and lightheartedness.
Give yourself a break, and don't be too serious....you WILL find someone...absolutely, but take your time, and enjoy the process... Going on, and getting a date should be fun....remember that. It's only a date after all....so learn to relax....and be lighthearted to begin with.
Best of luck....

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Thank you very much. I agree with what you are saying and maybe even at some level understood that I was being a little too "deep." Thank you for taking the time to say those things and I will take your advice.

Happy New Year!

Have to tried the gym?

A sport?

Local drama clubs,dancing lessons?

I swear women go to these places all the time!

I was once a serial dating site logger-on to-er... keep things light and easy,don't forget a lot of people hide who they really are on the sites,and for a lot its just a litte of bit of fun.

Try real life,look around you,is there someone your over looking?

Also.let family and friends know your ready to date,you never know who they know.

And a very Happy New Year to you too, have fun in the dating arena...

I agree maybe you are reaching too far for the casual chit chat that is online meeting.
You are a handsome guy ,so I don't think therein lies the problem.
I would look into the social networking club called meetup.com
They have places all over the US where people get together for various events and such ,the web site will explain more.
Good Luck!
Do something, Learn something, Share something, Change something - Meetup.com

I am already halfway in love with you!

Instead of having to think so hard in emails and on dating sites, go out into the real world and become a volunteer at an animal shelter or horse rescue place (single and divorced women LOVE abandoned dogs and cats--and horses too), join a book discussion group or writers' group at a public library (the writers' group I facilitate has more singles than marrieds in it), do your grocery shopping around eleven or midnight when the singles come out, and wear that big smile wherever you go!

Wondergirl... I'll fight you for him!!

Wondergirl: LOL
HereIgo: you'd have been better off coming on this site in the first place!!

Take Care y'all...

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Originally Posted by artlady

I agree maybe you are reaching too far for the casual chit chat that is online meeting.
You are a handsome guy ,so I don't think therein lies the problem.
I would look into the social networking club called meetup.com
They have places all over the US where people get together for various events and such ,the web site will explain more.
Good Luck!
Do something, Learn something, Share something, Change something - Meetup.com

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Thanks for your thoughts... I am familiar with meetup

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Originally Posted by scentedcandles

Wondergirl: LOL
HereIgo: you'd have been better off coming on this site in the first place !!!

Take Care y'all.....

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You might be right!

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

I am already halfway in love with you!

Instead of having to think so hard in emails and on dating sites, go out into the real world and become a volunteer at an animal shelter or horse rescue place (single and divorced women LOVE abandoned dogs and cats--and horses too), join a book discussion group or writers' group at a public library (the writers' group I facilitate has more singles than marrieds in it), do your grocery shopping around eleven or midnight when the singles come out, and wear that big smile wherever you go!

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Thanks, wondergirl ;)... here's another question for you. Do you think your idea about being in the grocery will freak a girl out? I've been in situations where in public I'd see someone I was attracted to but was afraid to approach her because I thought I would terrify her... I guess the general impression I get is that girls aren't too comfortable being approached by strangers in public like that. You're making me think differently about it now so I was curious about your thoughts on that.

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Originally Posted by hereIgo

thx, wondergirl ;)...here's another question for you. Do you think your idea about being in the grocery will freak a girl out? I've been in situations where in public I'd see someone I was attracted to but was afraid to approach her b/c I thought I would terrify her...I guess the general impression I get is that girls aren't too comfortable being approached by strangers in public like that. You're making me think differently about it now so I was curious about your thoughts on that.

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Don't hit on her, like be obvious with a pick-up line. Perhaps ask her a question about some food thing that's on sale or that you might be interested in trying while you're shopping near her and near the food item: "Have you ever eaten pickled kumquats? It sounds horrible. What would you eat them with?" or "I've always wanted to make tender pork chops like my mom did, but mine always end up tough. Do you know the secret?" or "I've never eaten fresh pineapple. How on earth would you even begin to cut into it?" If she joins in and you two talk for a few minutes and she seems friendly, ask her if she shops there often and would she like to go for coffee sometime in the near future (since you need a lot of kitchen and food help).

The same m.o. would work at a hardware store or a library or a gas station.