Long distance relation - fail
This is a long one. Please if you do not have time, skip to the last 3 or 4 paragraphs.
I'm not sure how to start with my story, but I guess it's better to start chronologically. So, here is how it goes. About 5 years ago I met some girl on the internet, she was in high school back then and I was in the first of college. For a couple of years we've met only a few times, and I started to like her even more. In the meantime she finished high school and she was accepted to some univ. from the USA (we were from Europe). Up to this time nothing serious was between us, we were like best friends. I used to inform her was happening back home, helped her with some of her home assignments or just help her or her mother fix the troubles with their computers (their were communicating using internet). When she turned 18 she called me at her b-day party and since then we've been together as a couple. It was a long distance relation, since she would have to return to the US. Everything went well for a couple of months after her b-day, she returned to school. And some day were were chattering through internet and she told me that is better to quit (most of you know the feeling of a break up, your heart start to pump faster, blood rushing trough veins, temperature rising... became a little agitated). I said fine, if that was she wanted, after telling me that she cared so much about me. We decided to remain friend. What I did not know back then, was that she was having a new/another boyfriend in the US.
A year passed from then and she returned in the country for her summer break, she told me few things about it. I asked her if I could see her at least on the airport, she didn't reply for quite a time. She replied only when she got back to the US and told me that she was only for a short time in the country. But it was quite a lie, also I didn't know about it. She had time to fly with her boyfriend here, went to the seaside and had fun. Whatever...
In all this time, I made no new girlfriend, hoping that we will be together. Thing that eventually happened.
After a year and a few months of our first break up (somehow? ) we started talking again, we've made plans for the summer... she got back in the country and we made a little tour with her. Been to the seaside, in the mountains... it was great. I did my best for that. I lied to my boss that I will a couple of free weeks for school and thankfully he understood.
Time was up for her to leave again for the states.
She would return home in her winter break (that was last year, 2008). Everything was going fine again. We've made Christmas gifts. I was terrible in love with her. In fact I never stopped loving her since our first kiss from her 18th b-day party.
This time she started talking some night about our relation, and we shouldn't get angry if it doesn't work out. Time was up again, she flew back to the states.
In the meantime I decided it's time to act so I would go visit her in the states, I told her about my come and she seemed to be excited about it, as much as I was. Done. Somehow I managed to get the visa to be able to travel and flew to her in March, this year. I was in the 9th heaven, it was going to be only me and her for some weeks. At the airport when she picked me up, she was fine. But when we got to her place started to leave a distance between me and her. A day or two after she told me that she got used being alone and she wanted us to break up, the second time... I was devastated. I told her that I won't be able to talk to her again, she started crying at that, saying that she still want us to be friends... I said OK, I will talk to you. I didn't want to see her crying. It's not my idea of a healthy relation with a woman. I wanted to see her happy.
I was going to stay in the same house with her for the following weeks and I have to admit that in those weeks she was rude me. Somehow by her actions toward me she tried to reassured herself she did the right thing to break up with me. I was like a puppet for her... Again time ran out, I had to get back home to work and school. Oh man, if you knew how I wished that something bad would happen to me on my journey...
Soon after that, we've exchanged a couple of e-mails. In one of them I told her I can not talk to her for some time. I wasn't feeling all right at all. I might be jealous. I don't know what's the matter with me... whenever I meet something that reminds me about her I don't feel OK... I keep reminding myself what I've lost... She tried to speak to me again, like 6 months ago but I never replied. I don't want to hear nothing about her. I chose not to be friends in the hope I will be someday with her again. Quite pathetic, but I can't stop loving her... I always wanted her. I tried finding and dating other girls, but it seems I'm just to picky and I want them to be pretty and smart like she was :(. Whenever I have too much free time I start thinking about her. I just can't forget her.
Where am I wrong? Am I being an a**hole for stating that I love her and want to see her happy but I refuse talking to her ever again? What should I do to reach my inner peace again? Thank you so much for taking time to read my problems and sorry for messing up grammar or misspelling words.
Romeo
