To begin my ex boyfriend turned 24, senior in college, and ready to have a settled down life style. Me, I just turned 20, junior in college, and likes to have fun.
I began my relationship with him back in late August at the beginning of the semester. It was really unplanned it just kind of fell into place. He is very trust worthy, a nice guy, and would give the world to me if he could. I considered myself lucky. I never experienced a long term relationship, none lasting over 2 weeks actually, until him. He brought me to his parents house to meet them within the first two weeks of dating and he was really anxious to meet mine so he did very soon after. I fell for him, or I made myself believe I did because I was still "untouched" and felt that he was a good guy to lose it to. I don't regret this decision at all even if it was very soon in our relationship (roughly a month or so).
Well things started to get rushed after that. He started planning trips for spring break together, summer trips, and he started to get more and more... "family-like" meaning he would treat me like I was married to him for 25 years. He fell deeply in love with me.. and I knew that he was and that is why I had to break up with him.
I was not into the relationship as much as he was and we were together for roughly 4 months when I broke up with him. It was so hard for me to do because I knew how much it would hurt him. I stayed with him as long as I could but truly after the first month I knew I couldn't stay in the relationship. However I did because I wanted to keep him happy. I didn't want to see him hurt because he doesn't deserve it. He deserves to be happy and loved deeply by a good girl. I am just not that girl. It was a good 4 months of my life.
When I broke up with him, I knew that it wasn't going to be easy. But it was harder than I thought and I felt, and still feel, absolutely terrible. I feel depressed.. but I am confident that I made the right decision. I want him to spend his time with someone more deserving of him. I wasn't being fair of his feelings. I am in such a stage of confusion of being confident but sad that I hurt him and left him heart broken. So I am asking for advice, or something, to help aid me in this time. I have read ways to get over a break up but its for the dumpee not the dumper. Any advice would be great.. thank you for reading.
-EmskiMC

You did the right thing as staying in a relationship which was wrong for you would only cause more misery down the line. You weren't on the same page and you soon realised that. Yes you hurt him but 4 months is not all that long and now he's free to eventually meet someone who will care for him the way he deserves. The advice as regards NC works for the dumper as well as no contact will ease the pain you are feeling .
Good luck.

Time.

Every day you are loyal to your heart and mind is every day his will heal correctly. It's when we are not true that REAL pain happens. He will heal and so will you. You did the right thing.

I agree that you did the right thing. In fact, you did the loving thing. To risk your heart is to risk getting hurt. Love requires courage and fortitude and the choices are often difficult. You will feel better eventually.

I also agree that your boyfriend was rushing things. When I was 22, I started dating a man who was 24. There were many things I loved about him, but he seemed to be rushing the relationship and I began to feel that he was more interested in getting married than in getting to know me better. We broke up and he was married to someone else just a few months later. That marriage lasted less than 12 months. I think he was in love with the idea of being married. Your boyfriend sounds a little like that.

My hats off for doing what you had to do for yourself, and those feeling your having for him are human, and very commendable, as you cared.

In moving forward, doing your thing, just leave him alone to deal with things at his pace, and time will do the rest.

Ignore any efforts at contact, or friendship for now, until the healing for you both has been completed.

The rules of No contact applies to dumpers, AND dumpees.

I want to thank everyone who replied. I really appreciate it and its helping me a lot. So thank you everyone.
Now what should I do about his stuff that I have? I always have this problem. I talked to my friend about giving it back but she said to wait until we are both ready to talk on the same level to give it back. I need advice on this and also what should I give back? I have some of his cloths but what about gifts too?
I really appreciate everyone for helping me. I hope all is well and thank you again.
-EmskiMC

Your very welcome to the advice. I'm happy you found it helpful. As for his things could a friend return them for you?
I would also return any expensive gifts.
Take care.

I do wonder why you have never been in a relationship more than 2 week and even now knew you had to leave within one month ( 4 week)

Just often by 20, there are normally some relationships for several months, or more.

Is there something about your post that makes commitment hard, did you start dating latter in life

Chuck,
The relationship was four months, not four weeks.

I understand what you mean, but I don't agree that there is anything to remark on here. EmskiMC has only been casual dating, no serious relationships before now. That's fine for 20. She's not 45.

I have a lot of career goals. I was really active in high school, captain of drum line, went to a career center for graphic design which is what I want to do in life. I have a lot going for me that I never really wanted to settle down until I could independently support myself. I have always had this mind set. I just know where I want to go in life, what I want to do and how I am going to get there. I never wanted anyone to stand in my way.
And the relationships before hand I had bad luck and they always dumped me for stupid reasons. When really it was because I wouldn't have sex with them right away.. they just came up with excuses like, "I don't have time for a girlfriend" or "I realized I don't want a girlfriend anymore". Then I find out that they slept with some girl less then a week after we broke up.

To amicon Unfortunately we have two separate groups of friends so I think I am going to just hold off and wait a week or two before I give him his stuff back.

Thanks again everyone.
-EmskiMC

A tiny bit of my story matches yours a little, so I thought I could just share my experience (it's somewhat related).

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I had a relationship with this girl for about one or two months.

The reasons I had for getting into this relationship were two, quite silly ones (I was (and still are) a teenager).

First of all, I was lovelorn because my crush didn't seem to want me. Yeah. I was crushed because she had picked another guy (long story short).*

The second reason was that this girl (I had a short relationship with) - whom by the way I thought were attractive, smart and fun, but never truly loved - was the first girl to actually show any interest with me at all. I believe I was carried away by this new experience - a girl taking interest in me.

She however, as I later learned, truly loved me.
It didn't take long before I realized that this wasn't a girl that I loved. I couldn't stop thinking about the girl I had a crush on, and it all just felt so wrong, being in a relationship with some other girl. But at the same time, I could tell she loved me, so I had a hard time figuring out what to do.

Should I stay with her to make her happy?
Or leave her to make both of us happy, in time?

I went, after a couple of weeks of doubt, for the second option.
I decided it wasn't good for me to be in a relationship with someone I don't love, and that she deserved a boyfriend who loves her.

For the first while, she hated me. She felt used, and I couldn't blame her. I told her honestly how I felt, and that I never intended to make her hurt.

When I at a later date got a new girlfriend, she really started hating me. Even though we actually went to the same class at school, she didn't speak to me for several months.

Time has passed now. I have been in and out of a longer lasting relationship, and so has she.
Today, we maintain some contact.
We have both recently gotten out of a relationship - the bad way you could say.

I have spent about a month comforting her, and she has tried comforting me as well, but I'm having a hard time talking about anything to anyone so that hasn't worked out so well.

We keep a friendly tone and don't hestitate to help each other out or just chat.

The point here is, that even though you might feel bad right now, and he might feel hurt, you'll both realize it's for the best and maybe you can become friends at a later time.

*I could mention that she (the girl I had a crush on) became my girlfriend afterwards, you could read my thread if you're interested (it's not really related to your story. At all).

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My suggestion is to do the following:
Talk with him. Tell him how you feel, that he's a great guy etc. but that he deserves a girlfriend that loves him.
Say that you don't want him to be hurt, but it's for the best for both him and for you.

Then go no contact with him for some time. How long, I do not know. Until both of you are ready to become friends - if you want to. You could also stay NC for ever. That's perfectly fine as well.

I understand your feeling of guilt for hurting him. I had it the same way too. But you've got to make yourself understand the simple facts here - it's for the best.

You don't want a relationship with a guy you don't love, and the guy doesn't want a relationship with a girl who doesn't love him.

You've done the right choice.

He will get over it and find some other girl. He will be happier with someone who loves him than he would've become with you when you didn't love him -> You made him happy.

You will get over hurting him, realizing that you've done the right thing. Time will pass and you will enter a relationship with mutual love. You will be more happy with the guy you live than with a guy you didn't -> You made yourself happy.

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You're making both of you guys happy. It was the right thing to do, believe me.

Source: Personal experience