Most confusing break up. Why would he do this?
I've had break-ups before, some worse than others. Like most (normal) people, I have some exes I'm friends with still, some I never want to see again, and some that I just don't see because we moved on. None of my previous relationship experience prepared me for this (sorry if it's long, there's a lot of strange details):
I was dating a guy for about 2 months. It was wonderful, I can honestly say he was the best boyfriend I have ever had, I saw real potential in the relationship. Despite the short length of the relationship, he and I had hit it off beautifully and clicked in every way from day one. He one day asked if I would try his homemade biscotti and, of course, I said I would love to. To do something nice for him, I offered to cook him dinner when he came over that Saturday. Instead, he offered to cook for me. He said to sit back and relax, he would do everything. I bragged to my friends that my boyfriend was so sweet and wonderful and they were all jealous that I'd found someone so great (the friends who had met him really liked him, they thought he was a ton of fun and really good for me).
So, Saturday comes and I spent part of the day making him homemade pumpkin christmas cookies and was making sure his presents were wrapped so he couldn't peak at them. He came in my house, kissed me hello, and began heating up the food he brought (cooked at his house, brought to mine, though I didn't know why at the time). Before dinner was served, he ushered me into the living room and closed the door. He looked into my eyes and said, "*My Full Name*, I love you". It was the first time he said it and, even though I was surprised at how soon he said it in the relationship, I had fallen head over heels for him, so I said, "I love you, too!"
Then, right then, in nearly the same heartbeat as my own "I love you" to him, he told me our relationship was over because of another girl. He was in love with a friend and was going to be with her. I kicked him out of my house immediately. Going back in the kitchen (after sobbing into a pillow), I looked into the bag he had brought over. In addition to bringing dinner and biscottie, there was a book of mine he had borrowed, some large chocolate bars, and a note. The note described, again, how much he loved this other girl. He'd known her from his university classes and they were "best friends" (even though I'd never heard him mention her before). She, it seems, confessed her love for him (despite his having a girlfriend) and he realized he'd denied his own love for her for too long and he needed her right away. He claimed he was "honorable" since he hadn't actually slept with her yet. On the bag of biscotti he, for some reason, had felt the need to write a funny little poem about wishing someone happiness all year long. How he was able to use a sense of humor on a bag of break up cookies is beyond me.
He also texted me several times that night (eventually taking my silence as a hint). He told me he needed this other girl, he loved her so much it burned, and that he wanted to be there for me. He wanted to be "emotionally supportive" and told me to "not hold it all in." He wants us to be friends. I emailed him (because there was some unfinished business about accidental damage to my floor he had previously caused but not yet fixed) and I told him we weren't friends, that leaving for someone else is a ty thing to do, and that I was devastated by his "I love you", which seemed like a really dirty rotten stunt to pull. He didn't need to cook for me or bring me chocolate, he didn't need to write silly poems, and he for sure didn't need to describe to me how much more he loved this other girl.
In his responses, he has said he is sad that I haven't acknowledged how hard this whole thing was on him and that he still thinks we should be supportive of each other and remain close. He said that talking about who did what wrong was "not constructive."
I hate that I love him. I said it because I meant it and I felt safe and secure with him. He was the perfect boyfriend until the second he dumped me. For some reason, he really doesn't understand why I can't be friends with him after this or why I don't believe he can be in THAT much pain considering he's with someone else.
I know asking "Why????" isn't always helpful, but in this case I can't get it out of my head. Why would anyone think breaking up in this elaborate and misleading fashion would do anything but cause more hurt and anger? Why is he so stuck on us being friends despite my insistence that it just hurts too much to talk to him? And why why WHY would anyone think to tell their girlfriend they love her for the very first time when they knew they were seconds away from jilting her? I don't verbalize my emotions easily, having him walk away like that at the moment of the first "I love you" was every one of my worst nightmares come true. Walking away into the arms of another woman has added cruel insult to a painful injury. Doing it less than a week before Christmas gave the added benefit of my having to deal with the cookies I baked him and the presents I got him as well as the fact that I took New Year's Eve off work for him and now I'm facing that night on my own. I love him, I miss him, and I can't get him (or his sudden, baffling behavior) out of my mind. How does such a wonderful, sweet guy turn so bizarre so quickly? He always seemed good socially, not the kind of person who would make such obviously bad choices.
