As previously posted, I admit too suffering from some insecurities. I have met the love of my life, and while I trust her 100%, I still feel a little insecure about things. I don't know honestly what bothers me the most, but I know that I`m not a huge fan of not being with her, and things like talking about her exs or just not getting a reply straight away, too any of my messages still bother me. I know I don't feel as bad as I used too but I`m still slightly bothered with these feelings. I`m not sure whether I`m moving into the right path or whether I`m stuck. I don`t know, but any advice or stories of own experiences are helpful and apreciated.

Hey hero... I answered one of your previous questions.. and now that I'm seeing this one.. the two may be realted too.. take my advice from the first answer.. see how that goes...

But for this problem, I just want to say.. we all have some insecurities, but what we often fail to consider is that insecurities come from fears.. evaluate what you are afraid of... the best way to do this is to literally sit down and analyze things from a "What's the worst thing that could happen" perspective... and literally if you need to write down what is the worst thing that could happen scenarios... and then go over the likely hood of some of these things, and no matter how likely or unlikely the answers are.. think about each one.

Consider what things you personally have control over and what things you don't and literally throw out the ones you have no control over... why worry yourself over things you can't control?.

Start asking yourself (regarding your situation) why be afraid of things that are unreasonable. Why be insecure about fears that may be irrelevant?. remember that you can only control you in a relationship.. if it works it works if not you could do nothing to stop it.. just put yourslef in a position where you can always gain closure and peace of mind in knowing that you let yourself be honest, open and offered everything that you could without regret...

Enjoy being in love.. love doesn't come too often in life.. don't let insecurity hinder that. Don't let fear diminish your enjoyment.. don't let insecurity create barriers between you and your mate..

Hon, I don't know your age.. but I'm probably older than you, and trust me, I have learned that we waste so much time in relationships worrying about things and being insecure that it makes us miss out on what we could be developing..

If your insecure.. remember. YOU GOT HER DUDE!! DUH she must have liked something.. you were worthy.. you're smokin hot!! She picked you.. don't ask too many whys.. SHE DID IT! She ain't crazy or stupid.. you got it going on... (insert more "You Rock" catch phrases here)... and keep it moving.. and growing and getting better.. she may or may not be the one... well put your best foot forward as if she were the one and either she'll figure it out and live up to it... either way you'll never regret cuase if she lives up to you rlove then YAY for you.. you GO BOY!! And if not.. well then good riddance... that's one down till the right one comes along... You get me?

I don't know your age, but you are just learning things about yourself, and your basically unsure about things as experience generally builds confidence. Accept your mistakes and acknowledge that you don't know, and look for the facts to make decisions before doing you do the actions.

Maybe you have never been around a lot of females, or can't figure their ways, but for younger guys that takes not only getting used to, but some experimenting, and learning.

Trust me we all go through this fear stage, but we learn as we go. Now you can read up on the subject of having confidence, but just going through it is the best way. Just remember when confronted with new, different, or strange situations, not to be afraid to ask, or admit you don't know, or are not sure how to proceed.

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I have met the love of my life,

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A partner is the perfect person to ask, or tell things to, that's why its always good to talk about what's on your mind and listen to the feed back as how you handle yourself is how it will affect others. So think before you act or speak, and be sure to tell your partner your insecure, and why, but always re assure her your working on it, and always be willing to work with your partner.

It's a learning, and growing process that doesn't happen over night, and requires practice, and patience.

The trick is never get carried away by your fears, or the intense feelings that come with them. Examine, and identify them, as knowledge and facts, are the tools for overcoming your fear.

Trying to overcome insecurities involves training of the mind. Every time you have a 'what if' moment you need to push it to the back of your mind and think about something else, don't let it take over your train of thought.

Unless she's done something to cause your insecurity, like cheat, then you need to tell yourself you have no excuse for the way you're thinking. Give her the benefit of the doubt. She's with you isn't she? If she didn't want to be then she wouldn't be. Trust her and believe in yourself that you are good enough for her, for her not to want to go anywhere else. Also consider the consequences if things continue this way, you will drive yourself crazy and drive her away.

There's no easy way of changing the way you think, you need will power. But it can happen. Granted you will probably never get rid of all your insecurities but you can bring it under control. Train your mind to think that all she could ever want is you. Don't give her a reason to look elsewhere by questioning what she does. If you can’t get your own mind under control, you might want to talk to a counselor to get to the bottom of your insecurity.

Well tonight, my girl went out with some friends and had/having a great time, while I`m stuck at home alone. This made me feel depressed too think about it, I`m not sure why but maybe I just want too have fun while she's having fun, even if it`s not with me. I`m not 100% sure, but what I can tell you is that it has ruined my night. I guess too a degree I feel like I`m not good enough, because my last girlfriend made me feel that way and I may feel a little bit that way now. I also admit that in my previous relationship, I quite often felt it too be very one sided, I never felt she would put in the effort I would, I felt she never missed me or would think about me like I did too her and I also was very doubtful as too her loving me even a slight bit like I did for her.

Part of your feelings are from the past, that you have felt before but, haven't dealt with. Part of them are from you not dealing with them now. It helps a lot to expand your perspective from your own feelings, and see this as a bigger picture.

Just because your home alone, doesn't mean you should have a bad night, as I am sure you have friends, and activities, that you enjoy without her. If you don't, there in lies a problem, if you expect her to make you happy, and spend all her time doing it. That's always your responsibility, not hers, and that makes your sadness your responsibility also.

Most people who feel as you do, almost always have a resentment, when they are excluded for any reason, but its quite healthy for couple to do their own thing from time to time without their partners.

I suspect you depend a lot on yours, and have few things you do without her. It was probably like that in your other relationship too, am I right?

Your most likely right tal, in the way of me not quite dealing with the past completely, but too be honest I`m not 100% sure how too. I do have activities that I do without her but at the moment most of them are on hold over the holidays, my life often just revolves around work, and these days I don't have many close friends. I do try but find it very difficult. I just want too be happy and too not have these feelings anymore, I want too learn too be able too be happy when not with her, and too be 100% comfortable with her having fun on her own and me not needing too feel like I should be doing something when she's having fun and I`m not all the time. I think I also have a big fear of being forgotten or no longer feeling special, like I`m unwanted. I don't want too be the second or third best thing in her life, I just want too be equal. I guess I don't want too feel like there's more fun too be had when she's not with me, that I`m not as fun as doing things away from me. My ex often made me feel that way, and I guess it`s coming out again as a fear.

This is not your ex, so stop treating her like she is. That means having plans that don't have to be on hold, and having a life besides her. If you depend on her being around all the time, you suffer, and freak out when she isn't.

Your mission is to find something that makes you happy, besides work, and your girlfriend. Like a nice hobby, as you're really out of balance with your life.

What about your family?

Yea I know, I`m just having trouble breaking the cycle, I`m not used too having a partner, so I find it`s easy too depend on her a lot when I know I should`nt. Yea my life is out of balance, I am working on regaining that balance, but that too, is quite hard at the moment. As for family, I don`t know, I mean I get along with them but spending time with them isn`t always easy and half the time I don`t want too, because I don`t always feel comfortable talking too them about personal issues. Then again, I don't normally feel comfortable talking too anyone about personal issues.

The good news is, you don't have to always talk about personal issues with family, you can just share a good time with them, do things like shopping, cooking, watching TV, all sorts of fun stuff, without getting deep, or emotional.

Nothing is ever as hard to do, as our mind makes it. Getting started is difficult, but we adjust, and adapt, and learn how to make ourselves happy with just being yourself, and doing your own thing.

Practice does make perfect.

I told her today that I maybe expect a little too much from her, and that while I know I need balance, it`s harder too act on it then it is too say it. I also realised that even though I know she's 100% loyal too me , I still feel a little uncomfortable with her going out clubbing and staying out late. I know how against cheating she is, she once told me she cried once when her friend cheated on her partner, I`m still working on finding that deep level of trust that allows me too walk away knowing she's mine only, I`m just not 100% sure on how too do that either, maybe it will just come with time, but how do I tell her that while I trust her, I`m still a little nervous about it? Especially when there's alcohol involved. Seeing as I honestly havn`t seen much of how girls behave in a relationship. I admit I`m the kind of guy that can deal with many many issues in a very strong way, but anything too do with love baffles me. How do people find that comfort zone with there respected partner, that allows them too bond in a way and too trust them in a way that they then feel that they can conquer any challenge? I guess one of my new goals in life, now that I`ve found myself a beautiful girl too share my life with, is too regain that bond and clossness and comfortability in people I have so seemingly lost. I am still at a loss though, as I just want too control my insecurities and move on with my life.

You build up trust through honest frequent communication,and through sharing your own feelings and by listening to your partner's.
Talk to each other and listen to each other.

Strength and power come from within, through experience and loving yourself.

If you cannot succeed in the relationship with yourself, then you hardly have a chance with another.

One reason that you'll notice the whole theme on these boards is to strengthen how people feel about themselves, so they can withstand whatever life throws at you.

That's your focus working on yourself.

Lately I`ve realised that I fall into the catergory of needing constant reasurence that I`m wanted and loved, and that I feel bad if I don`t receive any of it.

Then I suggest you pick yourself up and walk away from that category.
Learn to love and respect yourself and stop looking to others to validate who you are.

Where do I start?

Make a list of all your good qualities and reasons you like,love and respect yourself.

I shall try that, but also it is possible too miss/ think of some one so much that's it is unhealthy? I can`t stop thinking about my girl who's been away on holiidays, she's with a few of her friends and I can`t stop thinking about her going out and having fun, while I`m stuck home alone with bugger all too do, I have tried too makes plans and such but everything so far has failed. I admit I don`t have many friends these and my life has revolved around work for a while now, she's the only other thing in my life. I`m bothered perhaps in jealous of her going out and having fun and just leaving me alone, I don`t know really, but I know I am letting my insecurities get too me. Also I still find myself getting nervous at the though of my girl going out, I trust her but I know she's friendly and between her and her friends, she seems too get a fair bit of guy attention, I really don`t want too feel this way because it`s shaping up too be a long term relationship and I don`t want her thinking she can`t be trusted because that is not the case.

Look forward to her coming back to you and all the good times you'll have together.

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Originally Posted by UnwantedHero

Where do I start?

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There must be something that you are proud of yourself for?

I can tell you many good things about you just by your posts.
Smart,giving, considerate.
Introspective ,trying to make things better.
I get all positive vibe from you.I am an old lady and my vibes are for real and your cool :)