Ask Me Help Desk - Questions about no contact rule

Questions about no contact rule

I broke up with my ex girlfriend in August which is about 5 months ago. When we broke up she said that she wanted us to eventually be friends. It was pretty emotional and I agreed.. we also decided that we would go on NC and meet up in December to see how each of us were doing. So earlier this month I call her up and she tells me she's not ready to see me. We end up talking on the phone and everything is going good. But she brings up that she possibly might go on a date and I flip out like an idiot! I showed her so much weakness and felt really dumb. But anyway she said she wasn't ready to see me and that she wanted to see me in the summer. But the thing is instead of trying to move on with NC during those 5 months I took it as an opportunity to wait for her and did nothing to move on which is screwing me up now. But after reading tons of info on NC. Ive decided to approach NC in the correct way without giving myself false hope of being with my ex. One thing I was reading with no contact rule is that I should not agree to be friends with my ex. So my questions are: did I make the wrong decision by telling her we could be friends because I still love her so much? Since I'm trying to use NC should I tell her I can't be friends or should I not say anything and just try to move on? Ive been so confused because I don't know whether I should continue to go after her or just move on? What do you think? Thanks for any advice.

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Originally Posted by fatbook

...Ive decided to approach NC in the correct way without giving myself false hope of being with my ex. one thing i was reading with no contact rule is that i should not agree to be friends with my ex. so my questions are: did i make the wrong decision by telling her we could be friends because i still love her so much?

We, well I, said not to be friends with an ex because usually, when the one who got dumped agrees to this, they think of it as a means to get back together and not be actual friends, in short they have ulterior motives. It just causes more heartache, so it's best if you avoided each other for a while until your completely over her.

It doesn't matter what you told her, the past is the past, but from here on out, stick to NC even if she contacts you.

Yes, you made the wrong decision in telling her that you could be friends with her since your motives and emotions are entirely different to hers. NC is about letting go and moving on, not in hopes to get someone back. You don't need to tell her anything else at this point. Move on. She is obviously not coming back to you as hard as that seems. There's no point holding on to something that does not want to hold on to you. The sooner you try to put her behind you the better.

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so my questions are: did I make the wrong decision by telling her we could be friends because I still love her so much?

Yes you did.

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since I'm trying to use NC should I tell her I can't be friends or should I not say anything and just try to move on?

Move on, because she certainly has.

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Ive been so confused because I don't know whether I should continue to go after her or just move on? What do you think?

I think now that you know that you have wasted 5 months, you get with the program, and do NC the right way, and she needs no notice of your intentions, she is more interested in a date right now , not what an ex is doing.

What if I wanted to get her back? What would guys suggest than? Should I tell her how I feel or just move on and let the chips fall as they may? I'm 95 percent considering NC but I need to know what people think about what I should do if I wanted her back.

I think you're right in going NC and completely moving on. It's over. I think this quote says it all:

I think it is time I let you go, and that is so hard to do because some part of me will be in love with you for the rest of my life, but the daydreaming, the running in place .. it's not healthy. So this is me, cutting the cord. This is me, doing what I should have done months ago ... saying goodbye. - Dawsons Creek

Good luck!

It clearly doesn't matter what you want any more. As long as she doesn't want to come back, there is nothing you can do.

Besides she is busy having a great time without you, and...

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but anyway she said she wasn't ready to see me and that she wanted to see me in the summer.

So its safe to say she won't be back for at least 6 months, and you would be a fool for waiting that long.

You would be a fool, after what she told you to wait even another second, or waste any more time thinking she even wants you,

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I showed her so much weakness and felt really dumb

Start NC the right way, and keep it going forever. That's how you keep what little dignity, and self respect you have left.

Read my signature carefully and give it some thought.

Yeah man I understand. I have no choice but to begin NC. The thing that's killing me is the idea of her with someone else. It's the thing that drives me mad. I try my best to not think of it but it always comes back. I feel like if I can control that emotional thought maybe I could start to avoid the habit of thinking I want her back and all that. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to get over that thought or something?

If you are busing doing your own thing, in time you will worry less about what she is doing and who she is doing it with. Besides the stickies this post, https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...nc-425290.html, can give you some insights and suggestions to help you.

Good luck with the proper NC-it works-you'll get there even though you took a longer road.