OK. I'm GOING N/C - I've no other choice !
Hi there,
Great website, great community.
I've been reading lots of relationship threads here
Over the past 4 days.
Here's my short story :
I had a 4 Year Relationship,
She put me on a pedestal for 2 years, I enjoyed it and took advantage.
I should have just appreciated all the attention as it was continuously well and truly over the top, but I took it for granted.
I had just came out of a long relationship so her companionship really helped me to heal.
I wanted to wait and wasn't looking for another relationship to take it's place, but she was so wonderful and caring I couldn't resist.
I was always in a state of awe.
"No one has ever done these things for me, to good to be true. . .etc"
So finally she's come to her senses and doesn't want the relationship anymore and now I realize that I do love her terribly, that's just how it happens - I finally let go of my past (inside my heart) that was eating me up.
She had not contacted me for 2 weeks, she hasn't "said" that it's over,
She won't say it unless I make her angry. . But I know it's over.
When you know it's over - rover, you know.
She called me everyday several times for the last 4 years and now doesn't.
We were best friends etc. All the good stuff.
I missed all the red flags and looking back I realize that she has been thinking about leaving for the last 12 months.
So I sent her a card, because she likes postcards I got an email a week later,
Thanking me and letting me know it was very sweet "BUT . . . blah blah blah we're always fighting, I don't want to fight"
Actually we have only had 2 small petty fights in the last year but we've been walking on egg shells
For the past 12 months so things haven't been the same when you're
Trying not to step on each others toes instead of having fun like we used to.
If I chase her, she will run, I know it. It will look needy.
So I decided to N/C her from the day I received her email 3 days ago.
She's a very intelligent lady, she will read through any tricks so I haven't tried to do so.
She's gone away for Christmas to see family for the week.
OK here's my stance.
If she's not in my life, that's OK, but I would like her to be, that's why I'm here naturally.
I'm glad in a way she has dumped me and not the other way around.
I wouldn't want to break her heart, she's very special to me, but I didn't let her know it.
OK. So I'm asking for advice here from all you guys with much experience.
1. I've realized my mistakes. Don't take advantage !
Treat her the same as she treated me, make every time like the first time.
2. She has every right to leave, so I'm not going to fight her decision.
So I know my only choice is going N/C.
If she comes back I'll be happy, if she doesn't I'll just accept my errors.
My perspective is a lot different now that I can look back.
I don't mind having the break either, permanent or otherwise because I started to
Not be myself. Relationships have a way of suffocating you and you start to die the little
Death because you're trying to please someone instead of letting it flow.
It isn't that way in the beginning, that's why you're attractive, you are "yourself".
So I haven't been myself for a long time and visa / verse.
I'm going to N/C her for 30 days and see what happens, I'm not going to wait around like a puppy
Although I am, in effect doing so by coming here,
But I'm just not going to think of her as much as possible for that time
And re-evaluate and focus on myself. I will think of her during the day that's only natural, but as soon as I consciously realize I will stop it.
What ever happens happens, I'll work it out when (or if) she contacts me.
So my question is.. .
If she contacts me.. . I don't want to look like I want her or she may come back
Into the relationship for a short period and realize it was a mistake and make a permanent decision to go.
It seems to be the normal pattern with couples.
"once an EX always and EX".. . And so forth.
So if she contacts me should I ignore ? She will say I ignored her etc...
That's OK.
But how long is too long for N/C if she really wants to come back ?
I guess that's my question to all you guys.
How long is too long ? I know it's subjective but what are your thoughts ?
What's your experiences ? Thanks guys!
I didn't answer her email back, I don't want to seem 'jumping' 'needy' or 'desperate'.
I "have to" look like I can take it or leave it.
Which like I said, I will be able to take it and start again but I won't if I don't have to.
A part of me also wants to just go and sow my wild oats and have some fun,
But that's because I'm human and I haven't had any fun for over a year.
I'd rather sow my oats and have fun with her. She was great to me.
But she turned off the tap, that was the Red flag of denile that I missed.
Anyway guys thanks and love to hear from you all.
No matter, let the criticisms fly and maybe something will click !
Tell me your thoughts, ask me questions, fire away.
Nice to meet you all! :)
Jay. Sparks
