I’m very analytical & logical and process my emotions very carefully. I’ve taken time; stepped back and slowly, carefully evaluated the situation. Evaluated her (my ex), myself, & the relationship in total. The end truth here is that I met, and subsequently lost, “the one”.

Real love/true happiness is rare. “The one” comes along only once, maybe twice in a lifetime—if you’re lucky. Well I can honestly say I found the person I always dreamed of but never thought existed. And lost her. How does one go on knowing this? How to carry on knowing there’s no one better than your ex?

The situation, in brief:

We met during the most tumultuous period in my life & I made many terrible mistakes and caused her lots of suffering (not my intention of course). I was irresponsible with her feelings. I mistreated her for a long time and on top of that I made several monumental mistakes.

I won’t sugar coat it, you may consider me to be the villain in the relationship. Together, we experienced the highest-of-highs and the lowest-of-lows. She has flaws too of course (extremely temperamental for instance), but the good well outweighed the bad. I’m now suffering badly for having lost her. And I will be the first to tell you that I probably deserve every ounce of suffering that comes my way for my sins—and more. I’m filled with endless regret over it all.

And, well….as these things usually go….about two months ago; she completely deleted me out of her life. Deleted off Facebook, and her friends, no phone, no texts, no emails, nothing; absolutely no contact no matter how hard I try. I know her well and am coming to terms with the knowledge I’ll never see nor speak to her again for as long as I live. I won’t so much as even have a chance meeting with her.

I can find other girls, sure. But I don’t want that. I don’t want someone else. I want her. And I won't settle. How can I move on knowing I found perfection and now it’s gone forever? I’m all too aware of just how extremely wonderful & rare my ex is. The things I want/need in a companion truly do not exist within anyone else. That's the truth. No other girl can ever hope to measure up.

Going back isn't an option, she's well gone now. But there's no going forward either. How to carry on knowing there’s no one better than your ex?

I know it's really hard for you to let this girl go, but as you said, "going back isn't an option".

Time is one of the things that will help you heal and move on. When someone plays such an important part in your life, I know you can't imagine a time without them. But use this time to regroup with old friends and lean on your new friends as much as you can. Don't feel uncomfortable or like you're imposing yourself on someone if you need to talk, email, text, or hang out with friends often. Everyone goes through a period like this and sometimes you go through it more than once. Also, try keeping yourself as busy as you can with as many hobbies and interests as you can.

Hellen Keller once said: "when one door closes, another opens". The problem is that we often look so regretfully upon the closed door that we dont see the one that has opened for us. Take your time healing, then start looking for that open door.

First realising that there is no one that is "the one" we make our relationships by hard work, by communication and by sharing.

Next sorry but there is always someone better than an ex, first they will be there for us and it will be a current not a memory, that into itself is better to start.

Bbut go on by making a list ( if you must) of all the bad things, and it will help remind you that it is easy to find better.

I just don't know how to carry on knowing there’s no one better than my ex. She was the most rarest of creatures, everyone else pales in comparison. No one can or will come close. And I refuse to "settle" for less. How can I hope to carry on with the knowledge that no one will ever be able to stack up?

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

Bbut go on by making a list ( if you must) of all the bad things, and it will help remind you that it is easy to find better.

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She certainly had her flaws. She was temperamental and moody, and other things. But the good outweighed the bad by a very wide margin. She was pretty damned perfect, for me. All things considered, she was practically tailor made for me.

By you saying that you have met someone that no one else can compare to is like you saying that you have met the perfect person. NOT POSSIBLE. You have to learn to mourn the loss of your relationship and move on. It's possible for you to meet someone else that will enlighten you and bring joy to your life. The main thing that I am finding of concern is your statements and your apparent sense of not wanting to move on. You can't say that "everyone" pales in comparison because you haven't met "Everyone". How old are you? <-no harm intended? Just curious.

No offence taken. I'm in my mid-to-late twenties.

You're right to detect I'm having trouble moving on. On the one hand I understand it's over, that there's no going back. But on the other I'm aware of what a massive loss this is. She's irreplaceable. There's nothing else like her out there.

Sure, I can/will meet others, but they aren't going to compare. I could live several lifetimes and meet every woman who has ever lived and still not find better. I'm absolutely convinced of it. This isn't naivety speaking; I have plenty of life experience and am well aware of what else is out there. And nothing can or will compare. There is no equal.

And that's what I'm reeling from. I don't know how to cope with that reality--the reality of knowing she was it.

But she is not, anyone can be replaced, but you are not replacing her, you have no one, so you are finding someone, that is far different from replacing.

But no, you are in a stage where you don't know how to live with life, but you are considering false facts as real,

If after a month or two, you are still like this, you will or should consider professional counseling

regretfullness, there are better girls out there! Trust me I said the same garbage before haha
Right now your too depressed to even think about another woman, but when you get out there, ull realize there are good people out there
I thought my ex was the one, turns out it wasn't
How can you be so convinced she's the one?
U know these could be one of those "it happens" for a reason kind of thing, I'm sure your not the first guy to think or has come on here thinking "she's the only one" -.-

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to respond thus far, please keep them coming...

Young_Cardinal, I know how this must appear to you and everyone else whose reading & what you must be thinking: "He (me) is just hurt, it's all very recent (if two months ago is recent), he is broken hearted, is too close to the situation to think clearly, it's not the end of the world, that there are other girls out there, everyone goes through this, it takes time" etc.

I'll say this... I've given this tremendous thought; I mean I've really stepped back and analyzed everything. And in my heart of hearts I know she will never be equaled. She is the rarest of the rare. Truly everything I hoped & dreamed for and more--in fact way more. I'm a careful observer of the human condition and say all of this with absolute conviction.

No one else can or will compare. It's a sad, grim fact and frankly am unsure how to deal with that kind of hopelessness.

There are six BILLION people on this planet! To think that this one girl was absolute perfection is not only non-sense, it's mathematically highly impossible! Nobody is perfect, NOBODY. I was totally broken up when my ex, who was my first love, broke up with my back in May, but you've got to move on. The Hollywood idea of "The One" is nonsense to begin with, but if she truly was "The One," she would've found a way to work things out with you. The fact that she chose not to just goes to show that she is not the one.

The one person that should truly make you happy is yourself. I've hit the gym harder than ever before, and have just been focusing on things I enjoy doing and I'm in a heck of a lot better position than I was back in May and mid-July when my ex was stilly wishy-washy on wanting to be with me. I've had like 4 or 5 people try hooking me up with people recently and have just been like jeez... I don't NEED to be with somebody to be happy. I was happy before my ex, I was happy with my ex, and I'm happy after my ex. It sounds like you're depressed about the situation, and it's perfectly fine to feel down. You've got to pick yourself back up. I'll be perfectly honest, I still think about my ex every single day, not about anything in particular... she'll just pop into my mind. And you know what that's fine, but what you can't keep doing is keep beating yourself up for stuff you did in your relationship.

Whenever I'm feeling a little down recently, now you're going to laugh at this, I've been watching a clip from Rocky Balboa. :) It's the part of the movie where Rocky is talking to his son. The quote goes like this, and I think you need to apply it to your life:

"Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can *GET HIT* and keep moving forward. How much you can *TAKE* and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done!"

You've taken a big hit, but it's time to get back up and say is that all you can throw at me, and keep moving forward. Hang in there, getting over somebody is like 9-step process. But trust me, there are definitely other great girls out there! :)

If this girl was "THE ONE" then why are you broken up? If you treated her like crap or had the highest highs and lowest lows then how can she be the perfect one for you? And if you haven't experienced the future then how do you know she is "THE ONE". You are basing your past on the future. If you stay in this cycle of behavior glamorizing the past and comparing every girl to this EX who apparently wasn't the one since you aren't dating anymore, you will never find someone who is right for you. Going back isn't an option but neither is going forward? Think of the reality of what you are saying.. It doesn't matter what you do, if this girl doesn't want to be with you, then she doesn't want to be with you. You putting her on a pedastal isn't going to change things. You thinking no one will measure up won't bring her back... so if you want to go the rest of your life miserable and unhappy, then keep it up.. keep glamorizing this chick like she is the best thing since sliced bread. And you will find yourself alone and unhappy. Or.. move on, accept reality for what it is. Accept the relationships of the past for what they are: relationships of the past, where you learn and grow and realize how to treat a girl, what to say, what to do, and what you want. Humans were made so that we can survive without love. You don't HAVE to be married and in a relationship to live. So focus on living single. Try and make yourself happy alone (go to the gym, learn to play guitar, skydive, get a better job, clean your house, meet some friends). And when you are truly happy ALONE, then you can be happy meeting someone else. Everyday you think about your EX is just one more day you have to start over. Going NO CONTACT includes your mind. If you don't call her or talk to her but you think about her everyday its just as unhealthy as talking to her. Get her out of your mind, start fresh, and good luck.

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Originally Posted by regretfullness

How to carry on knowing there's no one better than your ex?

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How do you know that there's no one better than you ex without meeting all 6+ billion people in this world?

I am sorry for your loss and you seem in great pain. But I have to say your first mistake is saying she is "rare" and she is the "rarest of the rarest" Every human body is rare. No two are alike. Our actions, our likes and dislikes, every thing that makes us who we are differ from the next. Your closing your mind to the thought there could be another girl out there for you. Stop comparing your loss to the other single women in the world and open your eyes to what could be in front of you. No matter how perfect a women crosses your path your going to sabotage it and compare her to your ex. Doing that you will never be happy.

Your letting these crazy thoughts take over your mind instead of seeing what reality is. Its over. Like the others have said, if she were the one then you would still have her. Maybe she was the one for you, but your not the one for her. There is no perfect love and no perfect person. You have to see this and stop putting her up there like she is a goddess. Love is hard work every day. To keep it strong and to keep building on it. Are you going to let the "one" slip away because you think you already lost her? You haven't lost her because you haven't found her yet.

Get yourself together and move on. She sounds like she did. Work on yourself and being better and stronger. One day you will be on here saying it is possible and you did it. You can do anything you want to do. Just focus straight ahead and don't look back and stop comparing every woman to her.

Stop projecting: you're putting her on a pedestal because of your self-deprecating attitude. From down there in the depths of depression, everyone looks more perfect than you; you should be at eye-level. Start climbin'!

I can't tell you of the six-billion people on this planet, someone else "better than her" exists because I don't know how you measure what's good in the first place, that's for you to find out.

You're first priority is getting out of this rut of self-worthlessness and realize you can get back on your feet.

Just remember perfection is in the eye of the beholder.
The next one could be even more perfect.

WARNING: Straight shooting.

"I want her. And I won't settle." are the words of a child whose toy has been taken away, not the words of an adult man.

You will move on when you stop imagining that anything about what you just told us is "logical and analytical." Like everyone else you know, you are a creature of passion, impulse, and, apparently, poor judgment. Accept this. You are human and deeply flawed, just like the rest of us.

If you want to be happier (nobody is completely happy), you have to stop looking for perfection and, importantly, stop thinking in black and white about everything. Of course, she was not perfect for you, or you would still be together. At minimum, YOU were not perfect for her. And she can't be perfect for you if you make her miserable, which you apparently did.

There are more than 3 billion women alive right now. It's unlikely that all of them are inferior to this one person you happened to meet and form a relationship with.

I strongly recommend that you let go of the idea that you lost her because of a few mistakes during a tumultuous period of your life. Judging from what you've written here, I strongly suspect that your deeply held beliefs and attitudes were the cause of your tumultuous relationship and her flight and hiding from you. Instead of fretting about how inferior your next girlfriend will inevitably be, think about how your own enduring (not temporary) flaws caused her to leave and teach yourself to be a more giving and adult partner. Work on yourself. Learn from your mistakes. What did she tell you was wrong?

Also, the first step in your path to adulthood is to stop trying to contact her.

Take some time for you and get to know you. Take the time to understand what went wrong. Not how to fix it, but how to become a better person because of it. Work on yourself. She wasn't the one and its not a big deal. Your setting a pretty high standard right now for some other woman to try to come in and fill. Don't do that. You don't want someone to feel that have to constantly compete for what you once had.

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Originally Posted by 88sunflower

The next one could be even more perfect.

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No! Don't tell him that. That just sets up the next poor girlfriend for being held up to impossible standards, which was probably a factor in the first relationship. The OP needs to stop thinking of women as either perfect or worthless, 9s or 2s, like he's shopping for a toaster.

He needs to think of women as separate people from himself. Even after he has broken up with this person, he cannot distinguish between the feelings of love he experienced and the person toward whom those feelings were directed. He thinks those feelings were about her when they were actually him.

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asking agrees: I disagree. Inflated entitlement is the problem, not low self worth.

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Call it whatever you want, it all has the same affect on him anyway.

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Originally Posted by asking

The OP needs to stop thinking of women as either perfect or worthless, 9s or 2s, like he's shopping for a toaster.

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Where are you getting this, where does he indicate he's a perfectionist? He just has a broken heart. I did the same thing, I wanted that one girl after I had just lost her and no one else could take her spot, I guess I'm a bad guy, too. In fact, read every post on AMHD where the girl just broke-off a long-term relationship with her boyfriend, all of those guys reacted just as we did. You've clearly taken offence to his post, and I'm not exactly sure why.

First of all, sorry for your relationship break-up. We only grow and learn from our mistakes. Instead of analyzing and thinking back what I should have done to make this work, now its time for you. You know what you did, and then maybe next time you won't repeat the same wrong things. Sounds too me, she had some issues too, she doesn't seem perfect to me. Stop being so hard on yourself! Get out there and try to focus on meeting new people, go out and enjoy yourself. No one said it would ever be easy, its just something to have to accept that's it over. She has shut all the doors, on this relationship, and you can't change it now, only change you.