I've been going out with her for about a month.

She asked if I would be with her in 3 months time. I said maybe. She asked what I would do if something happened to "us." On reflex I said I'd go out with Olivia. She doesn't know who Olivia is, but Olivia is a girl that has been flirting with me for some time.

"So you already have another girl lined up?"
"Yep."
"You know it really hurts to know that I'm replaceable."
"You're not replaceable. I'm going out with you, not her."
"It's not fair that boys can always just replace you but girls just....I'm not going to explain this to you."
"So you'd rather have me mope if we broke up than move on?"
"No...I have to go to sleep."

I convinced her not to go to sleep. She told me she was okay, but I could hear her crying. She said she didn't want to talk about it so I tried changing the subject but she wouldn't talk about anything. She just gave me one word answers until I couldn't take it anymore and said goodnight.

So the big question here is, what do I do? She expects me to call her every night. If I don't do it this time, will it make the fight seem bigger than it is? Will it show cowardice, or will it make her wonder how I feel and miss me? What should I do?

If you like her be a man call her and apologize. If you don't like her and want to be with Olivia still call her and be a man about it.

Huge mistake telling the girl you are dating that if something happened to your relationship with her, you have someone else lined up.

I mean who says these kinds of things anyway? How would you feel if you got told this by a girl you really liked? Not good at all.

You need to decide if you want to be with her or this other girl. You can't date one and have another lined up already. That's just wrong.

So either tell your current girl that she is the only one, and she is not replaceable, and that's it, you are only with her, or you break up with her and go after this Olivia, and hope Olivia's replacement doesn't appear too soon.

Good luck

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Originally Posted by BlackVY

Huge mistake telling the girl you are dating that if something happened to your relationship with her, you have someone else lined up.

I mean who says these kinds of things anyway? How would you feel if you got told this by a girl you really liked? Not good at all.

You need to decide if you want to be with her or this other girl. You can't date one and have another lined up already. Thats just wrong.

So either tell your current girl that she is the only one, and she is not replaceable, and thats it, you are only with her, or you break up with her and go after this Olivia, and hope Olivia's replacement doesn't appear too soon.

Good luck

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Oh but I did do all that. Told her she was irreplaceable. etc. told her that she was the only one I wanted. I honestly did try. I tried for a good 10 minutes.

Calling her to apologize isn't going to do it. She doesn't want to hear it.

Calling her just to talk could be okay. Not calling her at all might be better.

"So you already have another girl lined up?" "Yep"
I can't believe what I'm reading... honestly, who says those kind of things to their partner? You've only been with her a month, do you seriously think she is going to trust you after saying that? I don't know about the rest of you, but if my partner said that to me I'd be gone in a flash. I don't know how old you are but I'd suggest growing up a bit before getting into another relationship - you sound extremely immature and she deserves better!

Yes, very immature and tactless. If she stays with you after this, she's only doing it to make herself feel better, and hoping to get that feeling from you as you took it away from her, and she's really hurting now being in love with the man who hurt her.
And second, if she stays, expect A LOT of trust issues and fights like this in the future, since you've just lost her trust so soon in the relationship.

But you're young, and you live and learn. Leave her now if you care more about olivia or yourself than about her. Or stay with her if you know what it means to love somebody, and call her and apologise, and do it a hundert times if necessary. Good luck with whatever you choose!

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Originally Posted by reckless

oh but i did do all that. told her she was irreplaceable. etc. told her that she was the only one i wanted. i honestly did try. i tried for a good 10 minutes.

calling her to apologize isn't going to do it. she doesn't want to hear it.

calling her just to talk could be okay. not calling her at all might be better.

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That was an interesting thing to say to someone, as if you are professing yourself a player to a girl that really likes you. Smooth my man! :cool:

How long have you been dating women and have you ever done this to another woman? It just kind of boggles my mind to wonder how you think saying this to someone would be acceptable as it turns you into a cold hearted guy that couldn't care less about her feelings.

I am just really curious as to your mindset and the experience you have dating. I can't really judge as I have said some absolutely stupid things in my time to girls I do care about. My advice, drop the whole phone thing, grab some flowers and go find her in person and let her know what an idiot you behaved like and that it was completely out of line. Regardless of whether you want to be with her or not, she doesn't deserve to have her feelings thrown around like that.

Did you read some sort of dating advice book, or how to be a player book?

David DeAngelo comes to mind when I see this stuff... or maybe Doc Love...

Your user name looked familiar so I looked you up. You're the guy who had the "cashew plan" as a means to mend the relationship with your ex-girlfriend when she wanted nothing to do with you. Here's the link in case you have forgotten: I Got Her Back.

You were looking for a fight by saying you have another girl in the hole, no one says stuff like that on a knee-jerk reaction.

You don't need advice on this one. She's a rebound, you're dumping out your frustration from your last relationship on to this girl.

You know what you're doing and you made this thread to look like a tough guy.

I've been in a relationship with this girl since October 16th and I haven't seen her in 6 and a half weeks. We are not long distance, she just always has something going on (work, school, family, friends.)

We were supposed to see each other last weekend after the 6 week hiatus but it snowed and we couldn't drive in that weather. Now it's christmas week and she can't find even a single day to see me.

Honestly I think this is pretty stupid. She says she tries everything to see me but after 7 weeks I really can't believe her. Every time I try to make plans with her she says she's not sure if she can, which actually means she can't. What the hell do I do?

And what part of you are not taking the hint after 6 weeks, sorry assuming you are adults with cars and ability to come and go as you wish, it is a matter of choice and you are just not in the choice

Actions speak louder than words. Doesn't seem like she takes you seriously or treats you like a boyfriend.

Ouch. If a man said that to me, I would be the one to tell him to leave, not the other way around... and believe me, I wouldn't just go to sleep.

Whatever happened to men who think that the woman they are with is the most beautiful woman in the world, the one who holds his heart, his fascination, his daydreams, and his eye.

If this girl knew what was good for her, she would let you go be with whomever tickles your fancy...

There's a song she should play for you... "Consider Me Gone"...

I think that the best thing you could do for her is to let her go, let her find someone who wants to be with her and her only and is not interested in the pretty girl at the office in case she decides to leave.

And, for your next relationship... don't have a girl on hold... it's tacky.

Why are you still with someone who doesn't have time for you?

Or, maybe she is letting you think your together, but your really not, so take the hint, and just disappear from her life.

I'm surprised she didn't dump you for being so uncaring in the first place. Did you apologize after telling her you had another girl lined up, JUST IN CASE she doesn't work out?

Seems you HAVE done that before.

Are you like, only 15 or something? Because this behavior that children and idiots pull.

If she doesn't make time for you, obviously you don't rank to highly in her life right now. I'd be gone!

When someone likes you they MAKE free time to see you.

Take the hint, she just ain't that in to you.

With regards to the incident mentioned in the initial post:

People shouldn't ask questions that they aren't prepared to hear the answer to. You were honest, and unfortunately, she was hurt. But what did she want to hear? That you'd crawl into a hole and die after ending a relationship that short? Come on people, stop pretending that reality is romantic as the glamorous fantasy you've all been made accustom to via movies and ad campaigns.

Women, do you want a man to be honest to you or just feed you whatever you malarkey you want to hear? Because we can do both, and I promise you that blowing smoke up your #ss is a lot easier than you think. Going through all the trouble, the arguments, the crappy moods, the sulking, the crying, the "you don't really love me" that often results from simply telling you how we really feel, is out of courtesy and respect to you and to us and to our relationship.

I'm sure it occurred to this guy that he SHOULD have probably said something along the lines of "I don't know what I'd do without you. You're my everything. I don't know how I'd go on living without you" or "I'd never let you go. You're the best thing that ever happened to me. You mean everything to me, I'd never let you go."... YADA YADA YADA. But why? Why do women (men too) feel the need to hear such things? To be fluffed up by some unrealistic fantasy of what "love" and relationships aught to be and how their significant other should think of them.

We're all adults, and it is immature of her to ask something like that to you without being fully prepared for your possible response. Sometimes I do wonder if truly loving someone means lying to save their feelings; we've all done it, but despite our intentions, it may not be the appropriate course of action ("the right thing to do").

I'm honest those I care about not because I'm a jerk, not because I'm insensitive but because I value integrity, and any woman I decide to share my life with will understand that.

As for your relationship, as it stands now, you should probably let this girl go anyway. People keep saying that you don't deserve her and that she is so very justified in moving on without you, but the feeling should be mutual. You don't need her. Find a girl that knows better than to ask for and expect such childish things.

Well thanks ther4peuticH3at. I was just being honest with her. I should have probably lied, but she always asks me to be truthful to her and I was.

So I finally saw her after 7 weeks. I got her a Christmas present even though she told me not to, because I care about her and also because I knew she had bought me one.

She vigorously claimed that she hadn't bought me a present and wouldn't take mine. Later on in the date though she admitted that she had bought me a present, we drove to her place to pick it up and it was already wrapped and prepared. She had bought me the guitar picks I wanted. I bought her some of her favorite perfume. She was really happy.

But she claimed she didn't know how she felt about me later on and told me we should take a break. I said okay, but not to call me until her mind was made up.

Before I left she held my hand for the first time all day and hugged me. I tried to kiss her and she said, "no, i need some time to find out how i feel."

I haven't called her since, but these mixed signals are silly. Luckily I'm going on a vacation so no contact will be extremely easy.

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Originally Posted by Ther4peuticH3at

People shouldn't ask questions that they aren't prepared to hear the answer to. You were honest, and unfortunately, she was hurt. But what did she want to hear? That you'd crawl into a hole and die after ending a relationship that short? Come on people, stop pretending that reality is romantic as the glamorous fantasy you've all been made accustom to via movies and ad campaigns.

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Haha, you got to be kidding, I feel dumber for reading that. You actually believe that telling his girlfriend that he had another girl lined up is okay just because he was honest? It definitely made her feel expendable, and I wouldn't be surprised if it was those words that forced her to change her feelings about him, like he dug his own grave. And no, his girlfriend wouldn't expect him to lie and say he'd crawl in a hole without her, he should've avoided answering the question altogether. It's a weird question to begin with and in my opinion it doesn't deserve an answer. It's called courtesy not Hollywood romance. And secondly, you obviously didn't read the thread with his previous girlfriend, there's a link to it in my last post in this thread.

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Originally Posted by Ther4peuticH3at

We're all adults, and it is immature of her to ask something like that to you without being fully prepared for your possible response. Sometimes I do wonder if truly loving someone means lying to save their feelings; we've all done it, but despite our intentions, it may not be the appropriate course of action ("the right thing to do").

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Immature? You are drastically over-analyzing this, it was just one question, we're human and ask stupid questions from time to time, relax. And people do lie to spare the feelings of others because it is courteous—it means a lot to people when you consider their feelings, but it can also be insulting because they may believe you thought they were too weak to handle the truth, so measure wisely—I do it all the time unless what I'm about to lie about is actually important, then I simply tell the truth or never answer when questioned.

reckless, being as this situation happened almost exactly with your last girlfriend, I think you know enough by now that a break means a break for good. You rebounded with this one, it's as clear as day.

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Originally Posted by reckless

...luckily i'm going on a vacation so no contact will be extremely easy.

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What happens when you get back from vacation?

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On reflex I said I'd go out with Olivia. She doesn't know who Olivia is, but Olivia is a girl that has been flirting with me for some time.

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I realize she caught you off guard, and maybe you were being honest, but if you had given it some thought, you may have come up with a better honest answer. By nature impulsive actions, and words, are often thoughtless.

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She asked if I would be with her in 3 months time. I said maybe. She asked what I would do if something happened to "us."

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A better reply would have been a question to define her terms, so you could see what she was fishing for.
" What do you mean?"
" What can happen to us?"
This would have led to talking, and not anger. Exactly what you need after only a month. Reflex, or impulsive thought and action maybe honest, but can cause trouble.

In the future, think before you act, or speak, and combine honesty with consideration. This would have saved you a lot of future headaches, and her being suspicious of you following a disagreement.

Will she listen to you after she calms down? Maybe, maybe not. But for sure she will never forget what you said.

No it wasn't a stupid question, but you handled it badly.

See if she cools off, and wants to talk, and hope she doesn't get her network on the task of finding out who Olivia is.