Last year me and my wife had some problems and we separated and was on the verge of divorce. During this time she slept with her ex-husband which she has a child with because she thought I was out having sex with everyone but I wasn't. I guess call me old fashion but I don't believe she done this while we were still married just separated at the time. We ended up getting back together and then she dropped it on me that she had slept with her ex-husband while we were separated. It cut me to the bone that she would do this to me even with the hint in her mind that she would come back to me. I never liked him but I understand that they have a child together and has to be in our lives. I told her we would put everything that had happened behind us and never speak of it again and she agreed she would too. But now he has been texting her and wanting her to bring her son to see him. I know people might think I'm being selfish but he has never been there for his child and I know he uses him to get to my wife and she takes the bait every time. What worries me is if she will do it again. I'm not sure she knows exactly how I feel. I love my wife with all my heart but it eats me up inside every time she talks about him. Its like she's making excuses on why he's the way he is. Any advice?

This is one of those situations that it probably would have been a good idea for the both of you to have some ground rules, before you separated.

I don't see that under the circumstances, either one of you agreed to the other not sleeping or dating.

I would suggest that you AND your wife drop off her son for a specified amount of time for a visit at his house. I agree with you that it would be innapropriate, considering the circumstances, for her to bring the child over, and stay herself.

I would think that she would agree to this, it's what most divorced people do. They don't hang around while dad has visitation.

You might also want to suggest that it might be a good idea to take him at his word, and get a visitation agreement formally in place.

That way he'd have to put his money where his mouth is so to speak, step up, and do what he should have been doing all along anyway.

I've tried to tell her that when she takes him that I want to go but I get left behind with our son. He has supervised visitation and the only rights he has to his son is his last name he says he's going to sign his rights over but he has been saying that for 2 years and yet he doesn't because he know if he does he loses all contact with my wife.

Supervised visitation puts a different spin on things.

She supervises him? Then he should be coming to YOUR house for a supervised visit.

But, I'm sort of getting the impression that no matter how reasonable your expectations are, she is going to keep doing what he wants her to do.

And there is a child being used as a manipulation tool here between the two.

If I were in that position myself, I would insist on things being legal. See a lawyer, find out how to put a plan in place for reasonable visitation in your home, if possible, on a regular basis.

I hope child support has been established, and if not, it should be on the agenda as well.

If supervised visitation is court ordered, request a revision to have the visitation arrangements changed so that another adult can supervise when he has his child there. A social worker, or approved person.

For the sake of the child, first, and for your relationship with her, nothing suggested is out of line, or unreasonable.

If she insists on the wishy washy way things are now, with no structure and regard to you, or the child's well being, then I'd be insisting on counselling. Not saying that will work for you, but it is another option.

I don't see how, after two years of this, somebody hasn't taken charge and put a stop to it.

Counseling. It sounds like you got back together without working out all of the issues or learning how to communicate effectively.

Do you trust your wife?

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We ended up getting back together and then she dropped it on me that she had slept with her ex-husband while we were separated

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Forget the counseling, get a lawyer, and know your rights as this is a female who is not to be trusted, nor believed. That was totally dishonest.

Basically she left out important facts, that may have influenced you decision to get back.

She still cheated on the marriage, no matter who she cheated with.

First yes, a large percentage of people who separate end up sleeping with someone else because normally they don't plan on getting back together.Next she did not have to tell you, and to be blunt, the time you were separated for what ever reason you are not part of the issue or the problem.That is something you have to get over.next if you don't trust her, divorce her, plain and simple, if she is going to cheat on you, she will with the milk man or the gas man or the man up the street when you are not there.As for supervised visits at least here in GA, the person with those visits has to pay for a facility that does proper supervised visitsThe last person to be the one doing the supervising should be the other spouse, normally it leads to fights