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-   -   Who's the dad ? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=42720)

  • Nov 13, 2006, 10:59 PM
    ria409
    Who's the dad ?
    Ok so this is probably going to make me look bad but read my story. So I was on and off with this guy for almost 3 years. We have probably had intercourse over 1000 times. We were huge sex addicts. Well throughout the 3 years he was always cheating on me and with my friends mostly. It was horrible so one time he dumped me for this girl and I started dating this other guy. Now I didn't have sex with this guy much but when I did it was always protected. Anyway after being with this new guy for a while, he ended up leaving me for another girl also. So I thought "screw em both" and so I stayed single.. Not too much later, they happen to both want me back. Well my thought was "Alright Im gonna play them both how they played me!" so I became sexually active with both of them unprotected.. I KNOW! Stupid on my part. But I figured after almost 3 years of unprotected sex that I couldn't get pregnant.. WRONG! So I am now 8 months pregnant. Due in 3 weeks. Im scared about who could be the dad. I don't want it to be the guy I was with for 3 years because he's a horrible horrible guy and the other guy... yeah he screwed me over but he's a really great guy and would a good dad... So I need help.. Who do you think would be the dad? I mean if I had sex with the first guy for almost 3 years and didn't get pregnant, the chances of this baby being his is probably slim right? Because I never had unprotected sex with the second guy before but it just so happens that when I sleep with them both unprotected.. Now I'm pregnant? Its messed up and I need some advice please!!
  • Nov 13, 2006, 11:03 PM
    kp2171
    Absolutely no way to guess this.

    You'd need a test.

    It's that simple.
  • Nov 14, 2006, 01:45 PM
    Jodied
    Holy , u are going to need a dna test good luck
  • Nov 14, 2006, 03:06 PM
    dunno
    My cousin had the same problem. She slept with 2 guys, 3 days apart. The doctors managed to narrow it down to where my cousin had it figured out who was the dad even though it was only 3 days between each guy. She still had to have a paternity test though to be sure of course. Until then she just had to wait and wonder! Her guess on what guy it was, was right. She was truthful with both guys from the beginning though.

    Have you told both men that they might be fathers? If not, you might want to!
  • Nov 14, 2006, 03:53 PM
    JoeCanada76
    It is time to share the news with both men and tell them that it is a possibility that eighter one is the father. It is only right. You can not have one raising the child that could turn out to be a lot more hurt later on. Yes, a paternanity test is needed.

    Joe
  • Nov 15, 2006, 12:55 PM
    ria409
    Ugh.. Yeah Both of them know.. I was honest about it from the start.. Im dating the second guy.. Im hoping its his because This was the first time I slept with him unprotected and then I got pregnant verses the other guy who I've slept with a million times unprotected. The timing is too close to figure out even from an ultrasound trust me I've looked into it.. But yeah both potential fathers know. The first guy (My ex) is a complete jerk and says if its his he wants nothing to do with it. Hes in and out of jail all the time. NOT A GOOD GUY! My boyfriend (the second one) really wants it to be his. Im hoping so but I'm just asking on a GUESS of what everyone thinks. If u had to guess... whos does it look more like?
  • Nov 15, 2006, 12:59 PM
    J_9
    First of all, you cannot tell who the father is by an ultrasound.

    Secondly, it is almost impossible to tell at birth who the father was. If it was that easy Maury Povich would not have a job, LOL.

    A DNA test is the only way to do this.
  • Nov 15, 2006, 01:48 PM
    Tuscany
    Secondly, it is almost impossible to tell at birth who the father was. If it was that easy Maury Povich would not have a job, LOL.

    Great answer J9!
  • Nov 15, 2006, 02:03 PM
    dunno
    When my cousins baby was born, by looking at him, she thought he was the other guys son. SHe had the paternit test and found out she was wrong. Definitely can't go by looks when they're born!
  • Nov 15, 2006, 03:44 PM
    kp2171
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by ria409

    Im hoping so but im just asking on a GUESS of what everyone thinks. If u had to guess...whos does it look more like?

    um... again... a guess means nothing. Assigning any kind of meaning to random people guessing who fathered the child is just silly.

    if it's a guess you want get a coin and flip it. Done.

    if you are looking for us to reassure you its not bad guy ex's kid we are not going to do that. Its not reality.

    my little one when he was born looked like yoda (minus the green skin and pointy ears). You can't tell if its one or the others really without a test. Period.

    so lets drop the guessing game and deal with realistic scenarios.

    1) it's the good bf's kid. All is well. Hallmark moments. Cherubs singing.

    2) it's the bad ex's kid. He's out of the picture. Your boyfriend is the father fig if he is any kind of standup guy. More hallmark moments.

    3) it's the bad ex's kid. Your boyfriend can't take it. Its over. He wasn't the standup guy you needed him to be in the first place and its better to know that now.

    in the end you have a child to love and care for. That's really all that matters here. Guessing who inseminated who when and how doesn't change that.

    as the stepfather of a bright, intelligent, wonderful girl I never once have treated her like anything less than a child I fathered. I am her father, she is my daughter for all purposes. It makes no difference that her bilogical father turned out to be a mercenary from south america running from the law and that he never had much to do with her. She's my daughter. Its done.

    you're nervous. You want one particular outcome. All of that is reasonable. But again, there's no guessing we can do to help you.

    just get ready for a child to be in your life. To be your life. I hope your boyfriend is doing the same regardless of whose it is.
  • Jan 30, 2007, 04:03 PM
    lanamagallanez
    Girl I am going through the same thing you are.. I am 8 months also I'm due march 10.. I was with my boyfriend for 2 years and I had sex with him constantly but then I meet this other guy and thought he was nice.. so we went out and I got really druck and ended up sleeping with the guy... I had sex with my boyfriend a couple days before that.. and now I don't know who the father is... but in my situation I haven't told my boyfriend that he might not be the father... hes sooo excited about this baby and I don't know how to break it to him... do you have any advice for me?? How did you tell the two guys?? Well I wish the best of luck to you... but like all the others said you should get a dna test... I need to do the same too... please write back if you have any advice for me..

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