Hi,
I've been 8 months out of a relationship and I still get so puzzled as to whether what I experienced was abuse? I met this guy in Aug, 2008. It was like a thunderclap of excitement and emotions and feelings I don't think I've ever experienced so quickly for one person. He truly seemed amazing. He got me, he was funny and engaging and warm and supportive and knew how to say the right things. I felt like I got it right... But after time I felt this weird niggling feeling, I couldn't put my finger on it. At first I thought I was having a mini freakout because I was so overwhelmed with feelings and didn't know what to do with them and that everything seemed so perfect.
First incidents started coming slowly but they were strange... I introduced him to my parents for a meal and it went really well... But a few days after he started making sexual jokes/references about one of my parents. I just didn't know how to respond. I haven't come across that before. That happened in a "jokey" way about 5 to 6 times, spread out over a few months. I also sighed at him once, for not understanding something I said, didn't mean to - it just came out as a sigh. He screamed at me and called me names. Then apologised. That started becoming a regular thing - a misunderstanding followed by screaming in my face out of the blue. I really tried not to agitate him believe me. Then followed days of perfect calm and happiness. Then it went back to screaming again. He also saw one semi-naughty pic I took of myself years ago on my computer, the only naughty thing I've done - and started berating me about it, questionning who had seen it, that I was a slut. I then found on his computer a sex list - charting everyone he's slept with, what they were like in bed... AND whether he convinced them to use protection or not. There were about 15 people he didn't use protection with - when I quizzed him, he totally shut me down for it, told me to ignore it but would go and get a test done (luckily turned out fine)... I moved countries for this guy, already by this point my mind was going back and forth whether it was the right thing to do, but it was too late. I moved for him, he began to emotionally threaten me when he didn't like something and that finally I was standing up to him, so he chucked me out of his apartment and I had to crash in a friends storecupboard for a month whilst trying to make it work. During this time, the verbal stuff became worse and more out of control. He made off the cuff comments about my mother being "really sickly" because she is terminally ill and my sister "possibly dying in Egypt" because she has health complications relating to her stomach. He threatened to look elsewhere (for sex) if I didn't give into having sex because I was turned off him for a couple of weeks. He liked choking me during sex and even one time said "can I bang your head against the glass door in the shower next time we're in there together"? He'd also point at my stomach and say he wasn't happy with what he saw and he couldn't be with a fat person, in other words, lose weight or I'll dump you - and you know what I'm a slim person.
There's more stuff on that same level that I could go into. But why am I so confused. Would any of this stuff bother anyone else? I carry it around with me everyday, I don't know if that's my personality to brood and hold it in so much or if it was damaging that I'm still working through it on my own and it SHOULD take this amount of time?
Anyone got any opinions or advice on the matter?
Please let me know/share your thoughts.
Thanks :(