I am currently 10 weeks pregnant with my boyfriend's baby. We both live together, and we been arguing for unnecessary things all the time, he always takes his stuff and then calls me for us to work things out, sometimes I talk to him about why is he acting like that. Like yesterday we broke up over something ridiculous dumb.. Because there was traffic on the freeway and he didn't make it on time to where he had to be. And started screaming at me.. so I couldn't take it anymore and I stopped the car got off the car and called a taxi.. so then he calls me and tells me he's going to pick up his clothes and leave.. so I arrive home 3 hrs later he took all his things, I call him because I left my keys in the car so he said left them outside the house.. so then he starts telling me he loves me, that he never meant to hurt me, and that what ever I needed for the baby to let him know.. so I tell him OK.. and we hang up... than an hour later he calls me again saying that he wants to hear my voice that he loves me so much and he was falling asleep.. Im so confused why is he acting like that.. Do you think he was calling because he wants to work things out.. He also called again today to "ask me for a favor".. and asked me if I miss him.. Is he still trying to get back or what. I'm confused..

He is the one that sounds very confused. Also he is acting like a child. You need to set him straight that you cannot accept that kind of immature behaviour any longer. Your not going to be able to build a family with someone who runs out of your life every time something doesn't go their way.

You are right that's why he was mad yesterday because things didn't go the way he wanted them.. but he was taking it out on me. And that's not right because he knows here might be a chance that I can loose the baby with all the stress and arguments.. We are currently separated since yesterday, and to be honest I am worried to sbe a single mother.. I have always had both of my parents and I wouldn't picture child without a father.. Should I put my part and talk things out..

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Originally Posted by berumennancy

U r right thats why he was mad yesterday because things didn't go the way he wanted them.. but he was taking it out on me. and thats not right because he knows here might be a chance that I can loose the baby with all the stress and arguements.. We are currently separated since yesterday, and to be honest I am worried to sbe a single mother.. I have always had both of my parents and I wouldn't picture child without a father.. Should I put my part and talk things out..

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Yes, talk things out with him and let him know that he cannot keep running away every time there is a problem. If he doesn't agree with that, then you have your answer.

A couple things,

1. don't let him come back to easy, make him start dating you again, and build relationship.

2. while doing this, go to counseling and work on anger management and communication

Talk to him seriously, in a way you never did. Tell him that his attitude and behaviour would need to improve to be a better MAN, your man, and the baby's dad. Maybe he has his own inner struggle, make him talk it out and go from there. Its 10 weeks for the baby, might be hard for him to adapt, but I see he has the heart, just need to work on himself. And you could do the same in making yourself better in communicating with him. Remember both sides has to work on it!

As others have suggested you should try and work things out, if at all possible, but to make it clear that things have to change. FRChuck's suggestions were pretty good. Try backing things off a bit while you get some couples counseling and work on how to deal with and direct anger appropriately.

That being said if things do not work out and he cannot mature into the partner you need him to be then it is better for the child to be raised by a single mother then in a volatile home environment. Its not fair for the child to put him/her through that. The baby's father can still be a part of the child's life even if you are separated.

He sounds like a baby himself.

What do you think he's going to be like when the baby arrives, and he has to alternate feedings, clean up puke, change diapers. What if the baby is fussy, screams for no reason, won't sleep?

It will take TWO people in solid relationship to cope with a newborn. It isn't a time to be selfish; the baby's needs have to come first. This period will test the best of relationships. Do you really think he can cope?

You don't need a man having a hissy fit and freaking out when his day hits a snag. You need a man to step up, be responsible, and show some respect toward you.

He treats you so poorly I am wondering about your own maturity level, and understanding of what is involved in raising a newborn under these circumstances.

My advice to you is to not let him back, set some boundaries and stick to them, minimum requirement is counselling.

If you keep putting up with his garbage without some major changes, he's going to remain a spoiled brat, and will buckle and bolt at the first opportunity.

He may be feeling a little freaked out right now but that is no excuse for having a hissy fit over something so petty.I am sure you are stressed as well.

Wrapping your head around being a parent for the first time can be overwhelming.

That is why it is never too soon to get the books about pregnancy and reading them together and understanding all the changes that are taking place ,from the physical to the emotional and even the spiritual.

Stress is to be expected but the bottom line is that it must be communicated (worked out)if you have any chance at staying together in an happy well adjusted environment that is conducive to raising a child in.

As has been said,you both need to work on your communication skills and he needs to learn to control his temper.
There are books and on line sites that can help you with effective communication and teach you the rules of fair fighting.

This is no time for his immature actions.He needs to man up and accept his responsibility and work on this relationship.

Make it clear that he is not just going to waltz back into your life unless he agrees to do some honest work on learning how to communicate.

Love is the easy part of a relationship,it just happens but to have a healthy relationship takes work and you need to both do that before your baby is born.

Couples get stuck in a pattern of communication that is often negative and destructive and sometimes you need to start from scratch to build a solid foundation.It takes a lot of work but the rewards can last a lifetime.

Dr Phil has a great website with many tools for couples on effective communication and even fair fighting.
I would check it out and together you can work on the issues you have.

You both could use some mentoring about how to set boundaries of good behavior, and how to handle stress, frustration, and anger. Your local church is a good place to start, and its free. While this is a life changing event for you both, and I assume a first for you both, you had better grow up, and deal with this together, for the sake of your unborn child.