I recently graduated this past August with a bachelor's degree. I want to apply for a couple of jobs that really interest me, but am having GREAT difficulty organizing and wording my cover letter. I am open to any suggestions, comments, and thoughts! This is driving me crazy! :confused: I apologize for it's pretty much a mess, but that's why I'm asking for suggestions and comments. :o

Winnie1995
** address deleted• Honolulu, Hawaii 96816 • *** phone number deleted ** email deleted

December 15, 2009

Aloha
Attn: Human Resources
1111 Hawaii Avenue
Suite 1250
Honolulu, Hawaii 96814
Fax: (808)-555-1111

Re: Member Service Navigator

From your company's website I learned about your need for a Member Service Navigator. After having read the job description, I am certain my education and employment background will be extremely useful.

While I may lack some of the listed preferred competencies and qualifications, I am positive_____________.

Some of my skills are:
Customer service
Multi-tasking

As requested in the application, a few of my career goals are as follows:
Passion to help others
Work that makes me feel I have accomplished something

Sincerely,

Winnie1995

While they were most likely fake for privacy your address, number and email were deleted

I would advice you not to tell them that you are lacking anything, if they want to decide that, that is their call, You ell them only why you are the best choice

Hi, winnie1995

Below, I've put in some suggested changes that are marked in red.

Aloha [You don't need this.]
[Name of company]
Attn: [Name of the person]
Director of Human Resources
1111 Hawaii Avenue
Suite 1250
Honolulu, Hawaii 96814
Fax: (808)-555-1111 [You don't need this in the letter.]

Re: Member Service Navigator [It's not a memo, so Re: isn't necessary. It's a personal letter where you're trying to sell yourself and show them that you're the best possible candidate for the postition.]

Dear Mr. [or, Mrs., Miss or Ms.]

Please accept this correspondence as an indication of my interest in applying for the position that you have open for a Member Service Navigator. I believe that my qualifications for this position to be strong.

I have spent the past [You could go on to explain in brief why you think that you're qualified for the position.] Additionally, I strive to provide and maintain excellent customer service and have a proven, successful proficiency in multi-tasking and working together as part of a team with others in order to accomplish unified goals and objectives.

Please find enclosed, a copy of my resume. I look forward to an opportunity to discuss how I might serve the needs of [Name of organization].

Sincerely,

Winnie1995

enc.

In these challenging times organizations are reassessing their recruitment needs and staffing requirmants,I would ask you to take the time to consider my c.v as a means to meet your organizations needs.

(I am currently working or looking for work in the area)

Use some of clough suggestions.

With my experience and current qualifications I feel I can adapt my skills to your organizations needs.

I have included my c.v for your consideration and look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely.

Clough's suggestions are good. Some other things to add. If there is no person to address the letter to then address it as:

Dear Hiring Manager:

I would drop the Re since you exp0lain what the letter is about in your opening paragraph. In the 1st paragraph I would change the second sentence to:

I believe that I have the qualifications for this position.

You should tailor the second paragraph to meet the requirements of each job.

Clough-I'm sorry I had to laugh when I noticed there was "Aloha" on my cover letter. The "Aloha" is half of the company's name and I did not want to list the full name of the company. Thank you so much for your comments and suggestions! I do appreciate it! I love how you articulate your words, that is my downfall.

Redhead35-Thank you for your suggestions as well. I like that you kept it short, but made your point. Are you seeking work here in Hawaii? Is that what you meant?

Scottgem-Thank you! You answered my question! My next question was going to be how do I address the letter if I do not know who will be reviewing it.

Thanks a bunch! I will keep your suggestions in mind as I edit my cover letter today.

Thanks and you're welcome, winnie1995!

If you would like to post the final draft of your cover letter here, without putting any contact information in it, please do so.

Okay so I revised and edited my letter a bit. I'd like to think it's way better then the first one I posted! :D Clough, thanks for allowing me to post my 'final draft!' I appreciate it very much!

I took almost everyone's suggestions into consideration (yet I tried to keep the tone of the letter to sound like 'me') and here is the product of that:


Dear Hiring Manager:

I ask if you would take the time to consider my cover letter and resume as a means to meet your organization needs, and to accept this correspondence as an indication of my interest in applying for the position that you have open for a M**** S**** Navigator.

The M**** S**** Navigator vacancy excites me as I believe that I have the qualifications for this position. The past years have enabled me to gain new experiences and allowed me to discover some skills that I feel I can adapt to your organization. Additionally, I strive to provide and maintain excellent customer service, and have a successful proficiency in multi-tasking, and working together as part of a team with others in order to accomplish unified goals and objectives.

As requested on the application, my career goals are to find work that will allow me to fulfill my passion in helping others, and a strong desire to make a difference in their lives.

If you have any questions or need references, the best time to reach me is Monday through Friday, between 9am and 6pm on my mobile number or email address as listed above. Thank you for this opportunity, and I look forward to discussing how I might serve the needs of AlohaXXX.

Sincerely,


***P.S.***I am still welcoming suggestions, comments, thoughts on this! Thank you for taking the time to do so! :)

The first paragraph is too stilted and cumbersome.

I would just use:

I'm applying for the position of ... advertised ...

Or you can be a little formal:

Please accept this letter and the attached resume for consideration for the position of ... advertised ...

Scottgem-Ohhh, I like the idea of your second suggestion. I had a difficult time thinking of how to put "cover letter" and "resume" in the same sentence. What a bonehead. Thanks!