Ask Me Help Desk - I'm torn between a few different men...

I'm almost 23 and have been sinlge for almost two years now, having casual sex/ friendship with 3 very different men. They have all expressed interest in a monogomous relationship and I'm having a great deal of trouble making a decision as I was not steady dating any of them. I have been in two very serious relationships before and know that because I am so young I might just not be ready to settle down.

The first guy is one of my best friends, I have known since I was 17. He is smart, fun and adores my boys (2 & 4). He has been with me threw two failed "marriages" and our personalities just click but often times he can be distant and immature. He is amazing in bed but not a great kisser (a huge turn off mine) but that is something that can be fixed. He is ready to settle down, he says that he is willing to live with no children of his own as I have no intentions of having anymore children EVER. This confuses me because I don't want him to regret turning our friendship into a relationship as we get older.

About six months ago I met a man almost 13 years my senior, although at first I was very hesitant to date him I gave up and finally agreed to go on a date with him. He is charismatic, smart and so easy to talk to. He has 2 girls of his own 14 and 3 who are the sweetest things and get alone great with my children. He has made me aware very early that he would like it if I moved in and took care of the house and his daughter while he is working, as he has full custody of his youngest. I'm very sexually attracted to him but I don't want a relationship based on convenience that I might not be happy in at a later date.

My third interest is a guy my own age that I met this summer while I was working in a small town away from home. He is what you would call a badass, he's mysterious, dangerous and romantic at the same time. He lives in calgary now and I only see him a few times a month but when we do meet up, things are passionate and almost fairytale like. We never talk about the future, he's never even met my kids and that's not what I'm really interested in doing yet. I just like the laid back , no pressure thing me and him have going on. I know that there is a good possibility he is with several other women, that he probably even has a girlfriend, I can feel that I'm not the only one and it doesn't even bother me. I get the impression from him that even though he is sleeping with other women he doesn't want me to. I'm wondering if he just wants to keep me single, on the backburner for when he needs a new girlfriend...

There are days when I think about how it would be nice to have a man to come home to every night, someone to share everything with but because of my relationships with my children's fathers I am worried about taking a chance and failing again. On the other hand I do not want to be number 2 for a player just waiting until something better comes along.

I need help!. and don't worry I can handle whatever you need to say :S

Well, how about giving a little more time until one man stands out more to you? What's the rush, really.

You are single, with two children from two different fathers, wondering about which man you might want to share a relationship with.

I'm wondering about the more practical side of this.

How are you managing now with two children. Are you working, are you on assistance, how do you manage child care, and all the responsibilities you face. Do you have a plan for the future? Do you plan on a future for yourself so you can be self supporting?

Before you consider adding a man to the mix, why not first establish a strong homefront for yourself and your children. Be in a position where you don't need a man in your life to provide for you, and choose one eventually for all the right reasons.

Ideally, that would be the best position to be in, although I understand your lonliness.

Agree with the above. If you want to settle down and have a guy who will come home and give you a kiss every night, you will need to choose which guy is worth investing your time in. So take your time and learn about them.

Oh yeah, When you are having sex with three guys, it shows that you will more than likely, lack commitment to one man. If you have no commitment- you have no love- therefore, no lasting relationship.

I don't think that you're ready to have a relationship yet.

If you're having to wonder which one - then none of them.

You'll know when the right one comes along, because you won't have to wonder.

If you can't choose, don't, just keep dating. And having fun, and maybe expand your circle of dates some. Maybe balancing dating the guys, with other fun things, would also help you.

Whenever you get to lonely, take your kids out for fun.

Choosing a life partner, or a relationship partner, is much different from dating a nice guy, and should be done without hurry, or pressure, and never as a cure for loneliness.

You do have children to consider.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Megan87

I am so young I might just not be ready to settle down.

Then don't. What's the rush?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Megan87

He is ready to settle down, he says that he is willing to live with no children of his own as I have no intentions of having anymore children EVER. This confuses me because I don't want him to regret turning our friendship into a relationship as we get older.

Stop leading him on. Stop having sex with him. Until you're actually on the same page, just stay regular friends.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Megan87

About six months ago I met a man almost 13 years my senior, although at first I was very hesitant to date him I gave up and finally agreed to go on a date with him.

He's got lots of baggage. If you're not ready to handle that, then stay friends and quit leading each other on.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Megan87

My third interest is a guy my own age that i met this summer while i was working in a small town away from home.

[...] I'm wondering if he just wants to keep me single, on the backburner for when he needs a new gf .....

If you think you're in the backburner, then you probably are. Quit being his booty call.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Megan87

I need help !!! ......and don't worry I can handle whatever you need to say :S

Focus on your children. If the right man comes along, then give him a chance. But until then, just build friendships.

Friends with benefits is a dangerous approach if you're not on the same page as the other person. You don't want to lead each other on with someone end up getting hurt.

Thx so much for the advice peeps... since I posted this originally I have been spending more time with my kids and girlfriends... That is totally clearing my head... I'm not going to lie I have been resentful over the last couple of years because out of everyone I know I was working the hardest, staying home the most and feeling pretty left out. So when I moved back home after working all summer I started kind of spiralling and I suppose all these guys were my way of acting out... I don't need a man to further complicate my life... I need to give my head a shake and do what's right for my little men... thanks again